


Stay With Me

by idinathoreau



Series: Tech Conference AU [2]
Category: Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Developing Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Joan is a repressed bisexual, Not Canon Compliant, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Secret Relationship, Self-Loathing, Smut, Women Loving Women, Zoey sucks at talking about her own problems, and then ignored most of what happened and created my own romantic pairing, baby bykes, don't read if you aren't here for this unrealistic pairing, even more excessive nerdings, even more excessive use of gay songs, for that tiny niche group of fans who read the first one!, in which I started writing after episode 4, love you guys, so now I'm stuck in a pseudo-AU, some angst but I promise to always make it better, thank you very much, the long-awaited sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:20:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 54,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27361888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idinathoreau/pseuds/idinathoreau
Summary: Ever since the end of the Conference, Zoey’s life has only gotten more complicated. Dating the pseudo-celebrity, 20ish-years her senior Joan is a lot; especially since they have to keep it secret at work and in public to protect both of their jobs and reputations. On top of that all, her dad’s still dying and her best friend is dropping more hints about his not-so-secret love for her.And when life gets complicated, the soundtrack in Zoey’s head follows suit. And she’s not sure how much longer she can keep her powers a secret from the woman she’s rapidly falling for.
Relationships: Zoey Clarke/Joan
Series: Tech Conference AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998421
Comments: 51
Kudos: 76





	1. Take Me Home Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> I'M baaaaccckk!  
> I needed something positive in my life and I missed posting so here you go! Chapter updates may be sporadic as life is an unpredictable hellscape and I need a real job. But maybe this will become a nice escape again. 
> 
> I've been writing since July and this just kind of went where it went. So it'll be a departure from the style I used for Tech Conference but it's also a very different story than Tech Conference. So enjoy the ride! At this rate, we'll be here for awhile.

Zoey tapped her fingers anxiously, glancing at the clock on her computer screen. **10:47am**.

To anyone else on her team, it just looked like she was intently focused on her coding or on putting together the monthly engineering update Joan had demanded. 

But she was focused on something else entirely. Mainly on trying to force-push the clock on her computer to run faster. 

She stared, eyes narrowing. _Come on…_

“Hey Zoey. Zoey? Zoey!”

Startled, she glanced up and found Max leaning over her desk. Her best friend smiled at her. “You were pretty far gone there? Working hard?”

Zoey fidgeted, pulling up a half-written document so she could at least pretend she had been working. “Uhh yeah, Joan wants the report done as soon as possible.” She tried to smile at Max but she could tell it felt forced. 

Max didn’t seem to notice. “You up for lunch?” He asked, “I’m feeling like sushi; thoughts?”

Zoey grimaced. “I really need to finish this, Max. I’m probably going to skip lunch today.” She tried to turn back to her screen but Max didn’t leave. 

“Okay, well how about we do something after work?” He gave her another big smile, this one just a little mischievous. “I got the new extended cut of _Galaxy Falling_ season 3!”

Zoey brightened, actual excitement creeping in. They’d been talking about that for _months_. “Well…I might be convinced…if there were deleted scenes featuring a strong, independent, bisexual, inter-racial alien superheroine.” She raised her eyebrows slightly. 

Max positively beamed. “I’ll do you one better: there’s cast commentary. My place?”

She nodded, actually excited at the prospect. “Sounds great!” 

Her eyes darted to her clock and she panicked. **10:52am**. Pulling up a new window, she typed something very quickly and ran a line of code.

“Sorry Max I…I gotta do something…” Without waiting to see his reaction, Zoey leapt from her chair and sprinted towards the bathroom. 

As she raced past the reception desk, she couldn’t help glancing over towards Simon’s office. The marketing manager gave her a wave and a sunny smile that she briefly returned. But her heart wasn’t in it. 

Once inside the woman’s room, she paced the whole room, checking carefully under every door. She knew there was no chance of finding anyone else but her paranoia wouldn’t let her not check. 

Finally satisfied that she was alone, Zoey entered the center stall and waited.

Not a minute later, someone else entered the bathroom, heels clicking on the floor. 

Zoey tapped once on her stall door and slid herself against the wall. Her heart was beating rapidly and she licked her lips in anticipation. 

The door opened and Joan slid inside, hands clasped in front of her. She smiled down at Zoey, dressed in patterned black slacks and a button-up blouse with the top two buttons already opened. 

“Hi.” Her boss’ smile was timid and nervous.

Zoey smiled. “Hi.”

That was all they managed before Zoey surged forward and kissed her boss as hard as she could. 

Joan met her with a laugh and a slight stumble, hands untangling to support Zoey as the shorter woman stretched up to her lips. 

It was a practiced move, if a little cramped by the tight quarters of the bathroom stall. But every time, it took Zoey’s breath away. Lately, she felt like she lived for these few minutes a day.

Joan’s hands were already wandering, drifting under Zoey’s hips. Vaguely, Zoey wanted to chastise her but she also didn’t want to stop the _kissing_. 

But when her boss effortlessly lifted her, she finally gave.

“Joan, wait…!” She still wrapped her legs around Joan’s hips but kept their mouths very far apart. 

Joan pressed her back against the wall, panting. “Sorry…sorry I know…” She lowered her forehead to Zoey’s shoulder. “Just… _damn_.” She laughed, sounding like a teenager breaking more than a few rules.

They stayed there for a moment, catching their breath and exchanging excited, breathless glances. 

“Sorry I was late.” Zoey apologized, stroking Joan’s shoulders. “Max was talking to me.”

“It’s no problem, my meeting ran over anyway.” Joan leaned down and kissed Zoey’s collarbone; gently so as not to leave a mark. “I hardly noticed.”

Still balanced on Joan’s hips, Zoey felt her eyes start to roll back, the tender motion almost undoing her. “Uggh, if you keep doing that…” She warned.

Joan backed off immediately. “Maybe I should put you down then…” She teased, hands already starting to release. Zoey clung tighter to her, making Joan chuckle. “Someone enjoys this a little too much…”

A blush creeping across her face, Zoey leaned back against the wall. “Can you blame me? The whole thing is very…spy thriller.”

Joan rolled her eyes at that. “Of course you like it,” she gave Zoey’s bum a little squeeze, “you’re kissing the boss at work.”

“Well, we wouldn’t have to just do things at work if you would just spend the night…” Zoey suggested. 

At that, Joan let out a little sigh. Slowly, she released her hold and let the coder place her feet back on the ground. “Zoey…”

“Joan come on…” Zoey was tired of having this same argument, tired of getting so turned on and having nowhere to go with it. “We’ve already…done that.” She couldn’t help giggling as Joan blushed. She reached for Joan’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “So, why aren’t we doing it again?”

“It’s only been two weeks.” Joan pointed out, squeezing back. 

“And already you know more about me than most of my friends do.” Zoey moved closer, pressing herself against her boss’ side. “Come on Joan…I’m not changing my mind. I’m not going anywhere.”

Joan rolled her eyes. “I hate it when you’re so sweet. It makes it harder for me to be honorable.” Wrapping an arm around Zoey’s waist, she drew her close for a slower kiss. 

Breath stuck somewhere in the back of her throat, Zoey could only float in the tender sensation, completely at Joan’s mercy. As Joan slowly pulled away, Zoey felt herself drift back down to Earth. 

Her insides were on fire. She _wanted_ Joan. Badly. “Shit…” She breathed, gazing up at the older woman. 

Joan tensed, pupils dilating. “Don’t swear…!” She pleaded, hands already wandering again.

Zoey bit her lip. “Right…sorry.” She caught Joan’s hands and held them at her waist. The air between them crackled with tension but neither of them made a move. The location of the workplace bathroom and the presence of all their male colleagues just a few yards away made giving into their urges a _very bad idea_. 

Clearing her throat, Zoey slowly eased herself out of Joan’s embrace and opened the stall door. 

They emerged into the bathroom proper, straightening their clothes and checking that makeup hadn’t been smudged. 

Zoey stared at her own flushed face in the mirror, marveling at the change. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d looked and felt so alive. Moving away, she tapped her watch. “See you this afternoon?”

Joan glared, still looking hot and bothered. “I still don’t think it’s fair that you can dictate all of our meeting times.”

“Take it up with engineering…” Zoey smirked. “…tell them you want to be able to send coded reminders to another watch whenever _you’re_ horny.”

Joan chuckled, doing up the last few buttons on her blouse again. “Right…that’ll raise no red flags. I have a meeting at 3 but if you send me the alert at 3:45 I can make up excuses to cut it short…”

“Sounds good.”

Zoey paused a moment before making a move to leave, counting in her head. She leaned back against the stall door as the music started. 

She watched; taking in the woman who in such a short time had had such an impact on her. A month ago, Joan had been her kind-of friend and hardcore married boss. And now, Zoey couldn’t imagine her life without this incredible woman in it. She couldn’t imagine not doing everything in her power to make her happy and satisfied. And those feelings, while terrifying and sudden, made her feel like she mattered, like she was valued and cherished by someone outside her family. And lucky for her, even though Joan didn’t quite _say_ it, Zoey still always knew exactly how she felt.

Joan began to sway, fingers that had been doing up her buttons slowly undoing them. 

_Something must’ve gone wrong in my brain_  
_Got your chemicals all in my veins_  
_Feeling all the highs, feel all the pain_

Zoey smiled slightly. She hadn’t heard this Song yet after their make-out sessions.

Joan danced in the mirror, eyes never leaving Zoey’s reflection.

_Let go of the wheel, it’s the borderline_  
_Now I’m seeing red, not thinking straight_  
_Blurring all the lines, you intoxicate_ m _e_

_Just like nicotine, rushin’ me, touching me_  
_Suddenly, I’m a fiend and you’re all I need_  
_All I need, yeah, you’re all I need_

Joan whirled around, shirt half-open, eyes lidded and heavy. 

_It’s you, babe_  
_And I’m a sucker for the way that you move, babe_  
_And I could try to run, but it would be useless_  
_You’re to blame_  
_Just one hit of you, I knew I’ll never be the same_

She danced around Zoey, hands wandering across her own body desperately. Belting her feelings in the Song only Zoey could hear. Zoey twitched with desire, hating that she was getting turned on by something Joan wasn’t actually doing.

  
_It’s you, babe_  
_And I’m a sucker for the way that you move, babe_  
_And I could try to run, but it would be useless_  
_You’re to blame_  
_Just one hit of you, I knew I’ll never ever, ever be the same_  
_I’ll never be the same_  
_I’ll never be the same_  
_I’ll never_ _be the same_

_You’re in my blood, you’re in my veins, you’re in my head_  
_You’re in my blood, you’re in my veins, you’_ r _e in my head_

_It’s you, babe_  
_And I’m a sucker for the way that you move, babe_  
_And I could try to run, but it would be useless_  
_You’re to blame_  
_Just one hit of you, I knew I’ll never be the same_  
_It’s you, babe_  
_And I’m a sucker for the way that you move, babe_  
_And I could try to run, but it would be useless_  
_You’re to blame_  
_Just one hit of you, I knew I’ll never_ ever, _ever be the same_

Her Song ended abruptly, reality returning to Zoey with a jolt of electronic sound. 

“What?” Joan asked suddenly. 

Zoey blinked. “huh…?”

Joan finished closing her last button and Zoey realized she was being examined closely in the mirror. “You’re giving me that thousand-yard stare that you do.” Joan turned to face her, an eyebrow raised. “What’s up, Red?” 

Zoey swallowed, unnerved that Joan had noticed. “Joan…I was serious before…” She fixed the woman with her most genuine smile. “Say the word…and you can spend the night.”

Joan’s face briefly relaxed into something vulnerable before she hid herself again. “Zoey…I want too. God, you _know_ that I want to. It just…doesn’t feel right.” She admitted. She leaned against the sink. “We haven’t even really had a date.”

Zoey shrugged. “Okay, what are you doing tonight?” Joan’s Song had filled her with a boldness. And the kissing hadn’t been a bad warmup. 

Joan frowned. “Tonight?”

Zoey tapped her Watch. “I know your schedule…I control your schedule.” She smirked, raising an eyebrow. “If I said you had a dinner reservation for two tonight…would you complain?”

Joan glared but Zoey saw her fondness radiating from the look. “You know, all this power over my Watch has gone to your head.”

“Is that a yes?”

Joan just laughed and left the bathroom, tossing a wave over her shoulder. “It better be somewhere nice!”

Zoey practically floated off the floor. It was finally going to happen!

She’d been hearing nothing but lusty Heart Songs from Joan all week and yet, Joan had still refused to let her do anything about it. 

Zoey left the bathroom, barely able to keep herself from skipping.

Sure the making out at work was fun. But Zoey longed to get back into bed with the woman and show her all the things her mouth…

She shook her head, trying to maintain some semblance of control over her horniness. Not the time or the place.

“She finally returns…” Leif commented, turning around to peer at her over his glasses. “Zoey, I need that base file for the next stage of the update.”

Before Zoey could say anything in response or call out Leif’s flippant tone, Max gravitated back to her. 

“Hey Zoey, does 8pm work for you? I know you like to stop by your place after work first…and does sushi sound good for dinner?” 

Zoey closed her eyes, inwardly facepalming. She knew she’d forgotten something. She tried to seem apologetic. “I’m really sorry Max but…I cant today…”

His face fell. “Zoey…seriously?” He sighed dramatically, his shoulders dropping. 

His obvious disappointment made her uncomfortable. She’d known since before the conference that Max had feelings for her that went deeper than friendship. But aside from a few Heart Songs, he’d never done anything about them. And if he did, Zoey knew she wouldn’t return them: not then and definitely not now. He was her buddy, her best friend. And kissing Joan had put any thought of ever having something remotely similar with him far, _far_ out of her mind. “I’m really sorry. Something just came up…”

Max’s face instantly dropped to compassion. “With your dad?”

Zoey stiffened. “No…with…” She pivoted, deciding a half-truth was better than dragging her dad into this. “Joan wants me to go over a software update schedule with her. Could take hours.”

She was aware of Leif glaring enviously at her but she ignored him. 

“Jeez, Joan is crushing you lately.” Max shook his head. “I feel like we haven’t hung out in forever!”

Zoey sighed. While his secret crush may make things awkward, she genuinely did miss hanging out with him. “I know, I’m sorry Max I just…” She shrugged, unable to stop a small smile from crawling onto her face. “I live to please the boss.”

* * *

It was too fucking hot when Zoey swore.

Joan stalked back to her desk, adopting her alpha female boss persona so no one she passed would notice how weak her knees still were. 

God, she wanted Zoey to swear again. She wanted to run her hands all over her body again and hear the adorable little moans Zoey made when she…

Joan shook her head, desperately trying to rein her libido in. She had once been so good at it that she could shut it down instantly. Probably as a side-effect of being married to a literal buzzkill. But ever since _that night_ …her body had been on high alert, turned up to 11 whenever she was near Zoey.

Joan groaned softly as she lowered herself back into her chair. Touching herself alone in the dark could only get her so far.

_How has it only been two weeks?_

She had to smile as she thought back. Just over two weeks ago, she’d brought Zoey her employee, her friend, her _subordinate_ to a glorious orgasm in a moment of ill judgement during a particularly emotional conference. And since then, she’d been unable to stop thinking about the young coder. 

Joan scoffed. Well, that was a lie. She’d been thinking about the coder ever since the redhead had aggressively and suddenly inserted herself into her marriage and given her the support and advice she needed to cut her toxic husband out of her life. It had taken her a long time to realize it (and she’d fought valiantly against it for awhile) but she quickly fell for the young woman. She’d been determined to keep her attraction a secret; partially out of shame but mostly out of fear of losing Zoey’s esteem and friendship. But once again, Zoey had driven herself right into the emotional center of Joan’s knot of feelings and slowly untangled them with patience and Joan’s inability to say no to her. 

Joan stared at the empty space on her cabinet, where the picture of her and Charlie had once sat. A spontaneous shot of the two of them actually being happy together some 15 years prior. Now it was sitting in a landfill somewhere.

It was all just so fragile…

She kept waiting to fuck something up. Or for Zoey to realize that she wasn’t her type: that she preferred the nerdy Max or the smartly-vulnerable Simon or even another woman closer in age to her over Joan’s pathetic late 40-something mid-life romantic crisis. But Zoey always surprised her, in more ways than one. And she hadn’t quit on them yet. 

She finally turned to face her desk, finding her phone and tablet were still where she’d haphazardly thrown them after her meeting had ended. Her phone screen lit up as she watched. She had a new message.

She stiffened as she saw who it was from. 

> **We need to talk**

Joan scowled. Not now…couldn’t she just enjoy this for a bit first?

She deleted the message. But two seconds after she did, another popped up.

> **Don’t ignore me Joanie. This will only get worse.**

She turned her phone off in frustration. 

No. Not yet. She still had time…right? She just had to be careful.

A new alert came in on her watch, chirping with a distinct chime unique to her unit. This time, Joan eagerly opened it. 

> **Dinner reservation - Amicci’s at 7:30pm. Come as you are. ; )**

Joan had to smile. Zoey was having way too much fun with her hacked watch. 

And she loved it. 

She leaned back in her chair, heart racing and breath shaky like she’d just been kissing the redhead again. A small giggle escaped her: like she was a teenager about to sneak out after curfew.

_A date._

Tonight was their first real date.


	2. I want you all to myself

Amicci’s wasn’t the fanciest of places. But Joan still loved a good pasta primavera and a place where no one from work was likely to show up. Plus, the breadsticks were incredible.

Zoey met her a block away from _SPRQ Point_ and called them an Uber. 

Joan felt more nervous around the younger woman in the back of that car than she had in the bathroom that morning. The ride over was full of small talk and timid smiles. The fact that she’d kissed Zoey multiple times and had already had sex with her hardly seemed to matter. She felt like an awkward teen again; on a first date with Damion Baxter in seventh grade and not knowing what to do with her hands. 

It was utterly ridiculous, Joan reasoned. They’d talked about life, and loss, and grief, and broken dreams, and insecurities ad naseum at the conference. They’d kissed and held hands and done…plenty of other things. But never in a situation like this. 

Joan was on a date. With Zoey. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d smiled this much. The happiness was still tainted with uncertainty and lingering insecurities about dating the _young-enough-to-be-her-daughter-if-one-cared-to-do-the-math_ Zoey. But still, when was the last time she’d felt such unmitigated joy?

But as happy as she was, Joan couldn’t help but notice that her date seemed slightly reserved.

“Zoey? What is it?” She asked, gently touching the younger woman’s shoulder to rouse her. 

“Huh?” Zoey shook herself, seeming unaware of her distraction. “Oh it…it’s nothing just…” she sighed, face pinching into a slight wince. “Earlier, Max was asking me about my plans tonight.”

Joan stiffened. “And what did you say?”

Zoey shrugged and no longer seemed quite so bothered. “I said I was busy.”

“Zoey…”

“Busy with you. On work stuff.” She frowned. “We’re coordinating a software update, by the way.”

“Zoey…” Joan continued, trying to figure out the right words. “you…don’t have to give up on having a life for me.”

Zoey smiled at her. “I want you to be a part of that life Joan. And if that means blowing Max off for a movie night, I’ll live and so will he.”

Joan’s mouth wanted to say something about how much that boy clearly cared for Zoey (honestly, it was an open office secret by this point, some people had a betting pool). Her brain was shouting at her that he was Zoey’s safe option - someone normal, her own age, and baggage-free who could give Zoey everything she couldn’t. But her chest was swelling with pride that Zoey had chosen _her_ in spite of all that.

_Suck it, Max._

* * *

Their table was towards the back of the restaurant; quiet but not quite private enough for Joan’s liking.

Joan ordered them a bottle of wine and tilted her glass to Zoey’s. 

“To our first real date!” She declared, unable to stop smiling.

Zoey took her free hand, smiling as she tapped their glasses together. “It’s not though. Not really…”

Joan frowned, fingers lacing between Zoey’s. “What was our first?”

Zoey swallowed a swig of wine before answering. “Tacos del Mar!” She insisted. 

“We weren’t together then…” Joan pointed out. That had been so early in their…relationship that she didn’t even know if Zoey had liked her back yet.

Zoey squeezed her hand. “That was the first time I really felt like I knew you.” She told Joan. “And we had drinks and got to know each other and you took me back to yours afterwards…”

“We were sharing a room!” Joan exclaimed, more than a little amused at Zoey’s nonchalant recap.

Zoey shrugged. “Okay, if not that, then how about the Games? That could have been our first date!”

“Claudia was there…”

“Not during 4-dimensional chess.”

Joan chuckled, her breath catching slightly as she remembered the VR game that had led to their first hug. “I always wondered if you knew what you were doing when you touched my hips.”

Zoey blushed a deep red. “I did…” She hid behind her wine glass. “I didn’t know why I did it at first…but I’m glad I did.”

Joan traced Zoey's palm. “How long did you know that I…had feelings for you?” 

“Honestly?” 

“Please?”

Zoey paused for a moment, gazing away from Joan and biting her tongue. “It…I wasn’t certain of anything until _that_ night…” She finally confessed. “But…but I did start to wonder after…Karaoke.”

Karaoke was a bit of a blur to her: the result of one too many bourbons. But Joan remembered the thrill of being loose and flirty around the then-unattainable Zoey. And the overwhelming urge to kiss the younger woman in their hotel room that she’d stifled with thoughts of her upcoming keynote.

“That long?”

“It was only a day!”

“Still…you were so…casual.”

Zoey almost choked on her wine at that for reasons Joan didn’t understand. 

“Well then, how about we compromise?” Joan offered, trying to get them back on track, “We’ll call everything at the Conference pre-dates and today will be our first.”

Zoey smiled and squeezed her hand. “Works for me.” She let go and dug into the breadsticks. Joan was quick to follow. Despite her general aversion to carbs, she made the exception for these. 

Joan had been afraid of conversation going downhill or of everything being too awkward now that they were _together_. But this **date** with Zoey felt like any of the meals they’d shared at the conference: fun and easy but with an undercurrent of expectation. And now that they were officially dating, Joan felt a familiar sensation making itself known in her lower stomach. A mix of eagerness and dread that had her rubbing her legs together and pinching her thigh to stop the motion.

As their meal ended, Zoey snatched the check before Joan could see it.

“Zoey…” She chastised, “I know what I pay you and I know you’re not going to pay for this…”

“Yes I am!” Zoey insisted. “You covered all the pre-dates. It’s my turn!”

Joan was about to argue back that the rules of payment were different on a work-trip than on a real date when Zoey touched her hand lightly. 

“Joan, I chose this place so that I could pay and not feel like I was making you ‘slum it’. Please?”

Joan sighed and couldn’t help smiling. “Fine. But don’t make a habit of this.”

“Of what? Zoey asked, signing the check. “Treating my girlfriend?”

She flinched and felt horrible when Zoey immediately backpedaled. “I…I mean…I mean…”

“Zoey.” Joan cut her off, not wanting to see the poor redhead implode. “Can we…not put any labels on this? Not yet at least?”

Zoey nodded, looking down. “I…I’m sorry.”

Now she’d ruined the mood. _Nice going, girl_. “Please don’t apologize…” Joan touched her hand until Zoey looked up. Her insides twisted, still uncomfortable with the sheer amount of candor the younger woman could draw from her. But she wanted to be honest and to talk about her feelings instead of letting them stew inside her. Zoey wasn’t going to be another Charlie or Claudia. She wasn’t going to let that happen.

“Zoey,” She began, “I’m…still getting used to the whole idea of us. I don’t know yet if I want us to be girlfriends or gal pals or whatever other term Millennials are using these days to be sexually inclusive. I just know that I want to be here, with you. I want to see where this goes.”

That brought the smile back to her…to Zoey’s face. “How about at my apartment…soon?”

Joan was a little taken aback at Zoey’s forwardness. Then again, she had made her wait a full two weeks since they’d gotten together for a date…and Zoey’s arousal was only becoming more obvious with each make-out session. Her own needs had certainly only gotten harder to ignore.

“Well…let me think about it…” She leaned back, making a show of collecting her purse and coat. “This is only our first real date…aren’t we supposed to get to three before the sleepover?”

“Cocky words from the woman who fucked me ten minutes after our first kiss…”

Joan choked on her last swig of wine, scowling at Zoey’s smirk.

She set her wine glass down, hand shaking and back straightening. The feeling from before surged, reasserting itself over the warm comfort of the date. “Outside Red, now.”

Zoey hopped to obey and Joan led the way out of the restaurant on trembling legs.

God forbid Zoey ever found out just _how_ much her swearing turned her on.

They barely made it outside the door before Joan lost control. She seized Zoey’s arm and all but dragged her around the corner into the alley behind the restaurant.

“Joan…” Zoey sounded excited. 

After weeks of revving up with no outlet, the sound was too much for Joan. “Enough of this.” Grabbing Zoey, she pressed her up against the alley wall. Zoey squeaked in surprise but smiled into the incessant kiss Joan gave her. Joan pressed into her, reveling in the danger and the heat. 

She’d literally never done anything like this before, not even with Claudia in their wild and crazy early days. But there was something about Zoey that just…made her want to go nuts.

It was a little terrifying. 

Zoey’s legs wrapped around her waist again, mirroring the position they’d been in earlier. Only this time, there were no meddling co-workers to worry about.

Joan trembled with desire. “Oh god, Zoey…” She was starting to feel the beginnings of something inside the lust. A sensation she hadn’t felt in years and never thought she’d feel again. She lowered her lips to Zoey’s neck and kissed every inch of skin she could reach. “I…I think it’s time for our…our second first fuck.” She wanted to dive into that feeling and savor it. 

The coder shivered against Joan, slowly getting down off her hips. “Call a car.” Zoey demanded, panting, her pupils blown. “You’re coming home with me.”


	3. Put your body under mine

Joan was sure Zoey’s Uber rating had dropped significantly from that single short ride across town. But she wasn’t sorry; she could send Zoey a private car whenever they wanted and making out with her was just too damned hot.

In her mind, Joan would have pressed the woman to go to her place for their second first time. It felt safer, and far more private. But Zoey’s place was closer and right now, that was all she cared about. Besides, Zoey needed to feel comfortable too. Probably more than Joan did as she’d be the one…

They burst through the door of Zoey’s downtown building. Under ordinary circumstances, Joan would have taken the time to look around and form judgments on the state of the place and give Zoey all her thoughts on how she could be living better. But she only had eyes for Zoey’s shapely rear right now.

They were barely inside the tiny lobby before her hands found Zoey’s hips again.

“Joan!” Zoey squirmed away from her, smiling. “Hang on.” Rushing over to a door at the base of the stairs, Zoey gave it a brief double knock and turned to the stairs. “Come on!” She beckoned Joan up the stairs.

Joan glanced at the door as she passed it. “What was that?”

“My neighbor Bonnie.” Zoey explained as they climbed. “I like to let her know when I’m back.”

Joan raised an eyebrow. “She keeps tabs on you?”

Zoey shrugged. “She’s agoraphobic. But she really wants to travel.” She gave Joan another of her Zoey smiles: full of compassion and boundless optimism. “I just like to remind her that I’m here, cheering her on.”

Joan bit back a laugh. _Well fuck…that’s just too sweet_. How the hell was Zoey so good at connecting with people?

As they reached the second floor, Zoey pressed a finger to her lips and started to tiptoe.

Amused, Joan reached over and pinched the coder’s thigh, smirking as Zoey let out a muffled squeak.

She continued to misbehave as Zoey struggled with her keys, nearly dropping them twice as Joan’s hands tickled her sides. She couldn’t help it; being around Zoey while tipsy from the wine and light-hearted from the date was making her feel invincible. Why shouldn’t she pretend, just for tonight that she was 20-something and whole and falling into a new adventure?

Finally, Zoey wrangled the door open and shoved Joan inside.

She didn’t even bother to look around; her inevitable judgements about Zoey’s home could wait. Joan slammed the younger woman back against the door, lips already at Zoey’s neck as Zoey threw her arms around Joan, pulling her closer. It was a practiced move for them. But they’d never had this much space or freedom to make noise.

“J…Joan…Joan.” Zoey broke in between frantic kisses. “B…bed?”

“Do we have to?” Joan bit Zoey’s collarbone gently. “I rather like it here…” She murmured against Zoey’s skin.

Zoey let out an enormous exhale. “Yes…but I’ve been spending every night since we got back thinking about the things I would do to you in my own bed.” She dipped her head and glanced up at Joan with large eyes. “Please?”

Joan pouted, tapping Zoey on the nose. “That’s not playing fair…”

“Hey, you’re taller. I’m taking every advantage I can get.” Zoey kissed Joan’s fingertips. “Bed?”

Joan slid her hands behind Zoey’s back and in one smooth motion, lifted her away from the door. She relished Zoey’s surprised little gasp as she carried her through the apartment.

“Ow!” Her shin smashed into the edge of the couch, the pain almost making her drop her cargo.

Laughing, Zoey guided her into a small bedroom around the corner.

Leg still smarting, Joan eased the younger woman back onto the sheets, hands already inching up her thigh. Zoey had worn a red dress today with a hemline that just brushed her knees. It was an utter relief to finally push it up to temptation height.

But as Joan made to reach for Zoey’s zipper, the coder suddenly stiffened and reached out to still her motions.

“Joan…Joan no.”

Joan immediately pulled back, insecure thoughts rushing back in. “No?”

Zoey smiled at her, calm and reassuring. She reached for Joan’s coat. “It’s your turn.”

Her heart stopped. “What?” She was so stunned that she didn’t move as Zoey eased the coat from her shoulders.

Zoey’s eyes roamed her form appreciatively. “You did me in Daytona…” she gave Joan a seductive little smile, “now it’s your turn.”

Joan shuddered. When had Zoey gotten this bold? It terrified her and she loved it.

Zoey was now removing Joan’s blazer and encouraging her to kick off her heels. But as Zoey moved to her blouse buttons, panic suddenly flooded in.

“Zoey, stop!”

Zoey immediately obeyed, hands falling by her sides, even as she let out a soft frustrated sigh. “Joan...you don’t have to...but know that I want to do that to you...” Zoey did that little twitch that she did whenever she was about to say something incredibly intuitive. But instead, she said: “I’ve been thinking about it ever since you first kissed me.”

Joan bit her lip, struggling to think of a way to gracefully dodge the inevitable conversation Zoey was going to gently force from her. She may resist but she loved that about her too. It was nice to have someone who cared about her thoughts and valued her opinions. 

Sighing, she sat down next to Zoey on the bed, their thighs touching. She’d promised herself she wasn’t going to be quiet about her desires. Not with Zoey. “I want you to… do those things to me…” she admitted. God, she’d wanted it for so long that she felt pathetic.

Zoey inhaled, clearly pleased, but she said nothing. Joan was grateful for that.

“It just…” She sighed, “it’s complicated.”

Zoey stroked her arm. “So tell me.”

As always, the incredible amount of attention the younger woman was willing to give her made Joan feel both appreciated and under scrutiny. “Zoey…you dont have to keep making allowances for me…” she tried, providing the younger woman a way out.

But Zoey grabbed her hand. “Joan. I want to know.” Zoey insisted. She shifted back, chest coming forward. “And honestly, if you’d rather spend our time together giving than receiving, I really dont think I’m in a position to protest…”

Joan snorted. “You’re so greedy.”

Zoey smiled. “Nah, just in need of more attention.”

Joan wrapped eager hands around Zoey’s shoulders. “I can easily supply…” She leaned forward to kiss her again, insides relaxing at the prospect of removing the focus from herself.

But it seemed Zoey was determined not to get distracted. Tilting her head away, Zoey gently removed Joan’s hands. “Joan.” She looked at her, patient and empathetic. Joan could never refuse that look, not even before she’d starting feeling things for Zoey.

The older woman sighed. Looks like this was inevitable. “I…I haven’t.” She said, as if that explained everything.

Zoey tilted her head. “Haven’t…?”

Joan grimaced. “Haven’t…” She gestured meaninglessly but couldn’t seem to form the words. Her insides were already burning with embarrassment.

“Haven’t received?” Zoey guessed.

She scoffed. “Zoey, I was married to a man for 20 years, I received plenty!”

“Then what?” Zoey scrunched her face, clearly trying to think of another scenario. “Never received from a woman?”

“No.” Claudia may have been shy in school but she’d found her particular boldness when it came to sex. “I haven’t…!” Joan sighed heavily and turned away from Zoey. Her stomach was squirming, hot with embarrassment. She’d vowed to not mention her secret to her next lover, never revealing the shame of her last few years of marriage to Charlie.

“Joan…” Zoey’s soft call brought her back. “Whatever it is, I’m not going to judge you.”

_Just tell her._

Joan turned back around, staring Zoey right in the face. “I haven’t had an orgasm in almost 5 years.” She informed her, trying her best to remove all emotion from that truth.

Zoey’s eyes popped.

She grit her teeth, waiting for the laughter.

Zoey stared in open-mouthed amazement, blinking several times. “But…” she seemed to be struggling, “not…not even when you…did things…to yourself?”

Joan shook her head, lips pursed. She’d never been very good at masturbating.

But a manic grin had taken over Zoey’s face at that. “Then what are we waiting for?” She reached out again, running her hands along Joan’s waist and teasing the shirt from her slacks.

Joan inhaled, not ready for such a bold move. “I…I just…!” She half pulled away, unsure if she was uncomfortable or not. “I just don’t want you to feel bad if I don’t…”

“Joan…” Zoey reached up and began to unbutton the shirt, taking her sweet time, not pressuring her at all. “I’m patient. And if there’s one thing I love, it’s solving a problem…”

Joan had a snarky comeback prepared but even the simple act of Zoey slowly undoing her buttons, smiling at every new expanse of skin revealed had her actually starting to feel impatient for more. Zoey finally cast the shirt aside, her hands gently wrapping around Joan’s middle and pulling her close again.

Joan groaned, her head coming down to rest on top of Zoey’s. She was actually craving that release that had started to seem mythical. But she didn’t know where to even begin.

Zoey’s hands traced her back, fingers lingering. “Joan, tell me what you need.”

She turned her face away. “Zoey…it…it’s been so long…” Being this open, showing all the broken bits of herself was hard. But she had to be, she owed Zoey that. “I…I don’t even know what I…”

“It’s okay.” The tracing stilled, the touch becoming an embrace instead. “Just tell me if you don’t like something.”

“Okay.”

Zoey’s hands drifted down her back, tracing along the hem of her pants until they found a button. Joan inhaled sharply as her slacks dropped around her ankles. She felt wetness between her thighs and gasped at the long-forgotten sensation.

Zoey smirked but she said nothing. She looked Joan up and down, appraising her with soft eyes. Reaching up, Zoey pulled Joan down into a kiss.

She melted into it, hands already groping for the zipper at Zoey’s back. The redhead squeaked against her lips but didn’t protest as Joan slid the dress from her body.

Zoey’s hands drifted up, tangling in Joan’s loose hair. Clasping her fingers, Zoey gave a gentle tug.

Joan tensed, a hiss escaping through her teeth. “Noo.” She pulled back from the kiss, bad memories fighting for dominance.

Zoey released her instantly. “Sorry…” Standing on her tiptoes, Zoey kissed her nose so tenderly that Joan relaxed again. “No hair pulling; making a note.” Her hands wandered down from Joan’s head, tracing her shoulders instead. She massaged the tense muscles there until Joan started to relax again. She gave Joan’s biceps a squeeze as she passed over them. 

But as Zoey moved further down, hands tracing over her bra, Joan found her heart rate picking up again. But not for the reason Zoey intended.

Zoey traced the cups, hands lifting slightly as she went and a squirm of revulsion twisted through Joan’s insides. Her eyes went to Zoey’s chest; still perky and taut. She suddenly didn’t want to be naked, didn’t want to be here.

For a moment, she fought with herself as Zoey wrapped her arms around, reaching for the clasp. But as Zoey paused, giving her a questioning look, it was all just too much for her.

Joan shook her head. “Please…c…can I…?” She choked with embarrassment.

Understanding, Zoey moved her hands away from the clasp. “You didn’t mind me seeing them last time.” She commented, without a hint of bitterness.

Joan blushed, the memory easing her discomfort slightly. “Last time I was drunk.”

Zoey shrugged. “So was I. And I loved them.” But she didn’t press the issue, didn’t demand to see them again. “You still okay?”

Joan took a deep breath, assessing. “Y…yeah…I am.” She didn’t have to lie. She wrapped eager hands around Zoey’s naked mid-section, feeling the coder’s warmth seep through her touch. She was here. She was okay.

Zoey gently pressed Joan back onto the bed and continued her journey down Joan’s body, fingers pausing briefly to trace each of Joan’s abdominal muscles. She spent so long on them that Joan briefly considered reminding Zoey of the goal here. But she was so intrigued by Zoey’s intrigue that she could only watch with a small smile on her face. She made a note to continue her pilates classes and swims as often as she could. If Zoey liked her abs, she was damn well going to make sure they were always there.

After a long moment, Zoey seemed to realize what she was doing and glanced up with an absolutely adorable blush on her face.

“Ahh..ahem…uhhh.” She shifted, eyes avoiding Joan’s smirk. “I…I’ll just uh…” Her fingers hooked under the edge of Joan’s panties without warning and gave a hesitant tug.

Joan arched her hips and bit back a moan as the damp fabric slid away from her skin. Naked but for her bra, she stared up at Zoey. The younger woman hovered over her, appraising every inch of her.

She couldn’t help the little flinch, her legs pressing together.

“Joan…relax…” Zoey placed a gentle hand on her thigh. “It’s just me.”

But that was precisely what made this so terrifying. This was Zoey: Zoey the brilliant coder, the surprisingly effective manager, the beautiful and empathetic. The woman Joan had been dreaming about for the better half of a month.

Zoey shifted herself, trying to get between Joan’s legs. But in doing so, she somehow managed to smash her face into Joan’s knee, eliciting a brief swear.

Joan bit back a fond laugh, admiring Zoey’s deep blush as she rubbed her chin.

But, this was also _Zoey_. The klutz who had broken two company coffee pots in her first week and the dork who regularly greeted her with phrases such as “ahoy there” and “aloha”. The friend who’d heard all of her deepest fears and showed her her own strength. The woman who had never judged her for anything.

So Joan decided it was going to be okay. She laid back and relaxed. She let Zoey see all of her. Every broken, used, old piece of her.

Zoey gasped slightly at finally taking in Joan’s sex. But Joan kept her eyes closed, not wanting to know the nature of the gasp or see the look on the innocent coder’s face.

A warm hand caressed her outer thigh until she opened her eyes again, gazing into loving blues. Zoey must have seen the scars on her thighs. But she was focused entirely on Joan’s opening. Her fingers made a tentative, aggravating pass, then her mouth joined in.

Joan arched her back, knees almost smashing into Zoey’s face again. For all her self-proclaimed lack of experience, Zoey seemed to know exactly what the hell she was doing.

She felt gently along Joan’s slick folds, her clipped nails smooth and dull. She tested out several things until her motions had Joan squirming in anticipation, biting back a full-fledged moan. It was only once Joan let slip a desperate sound that she finally pushed inside.

Joan wrapped her legs around the coder’s shoulders, hips coming off the bed as Zoey pressed finger and face into her. Sensations like she hadn’t felt in years were finally coursing through her again. She remembered the danger and the desire for that kind of high again and craved Zoey all the more. Her hands fisted in red hair and she moaned Zoey’s name.

It only continued to build as the coder diligently worked on her, the sensations building in intensity in waves, each one making Joan question if she’d ever get a reprieve. Then again, she’d take this kind of glorious torment from Zoey every day.

“Zoey…I…I’m so…c..close…” She could sense it, just over some invisible edge. But only Zoey knew just where it was.

Zoey added a second finger and began a pulsing, scissoring motion. Her lips sucked on Joan’s clit, hard.

Joan clenched. The burst of pleasure roiled through her, stripping away months of tension in an instant and sponging the worry from her chest for the first time in forever. She was lost in the release, floating in a white void with only Zoey’s hands and lips to guide her back to reality.

She came back as if jolted from a dream: suddenly, violently. Her gasp made her chest hurt. For a moment, she feared she was alone.

But then red hair popped up beside her, a soft smile greeting her. Hands on her sides, gently massaging. Zoey licked her lips and gave her another of her soft smiles, her expression dopey.

“I hope that was worth the wait…” She quipped, wiping off her fingers. Zoey handed Joan a tissue and let her clean herself up.

As she wiped up the evidence of her orgasm, Joan let out an enormous, breathy exhale; not quite joyous enough to be a laugh and too contented to be a sob. Zoey was here, taking care of her. Making sure that her every need was fulfilled and that she was safe.

Joan felt actual tears form in her eyes as the last wave of pleasure dissolved inside her. They didn’t stop as the sensation slowly faded. The feeling from outside the restaurant surged, no longer held back by the haze of lust. Within moments, she was full on sobbing, unable to stop.

But as she always did, Zoey seemed to intuitively understand what was going on in her heart. Her eyes did that brief gaze into nothing like they had in the bathroom that morning then blinked back to their vibrancy, brimming with sudden empathy.

Instead of leaving her to cry, Zoey crawled up beside her, wiping her mouth clean. “It’s okay Joan…” Zoey curled into her side and kissed her wet cheek. “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

Joan wrapped her in her arms and sobbed. Zoey’s hand played with her hair as her skin under Joan’s face grew slick with tears.

An enormous exhale trembled through Joan’s body like an aftershock of her orgasm. She melted against Zoey.

It felt so **good**. It was so good to trust again.

* * *

Zoey blinked awake to sunlight blasting into her face.

_Dammit, forgot to shut the curtains._

But half a second later, she remembered the reason why and ceased to care. She glanced up, barely biting back a smile.

Joan was still asleep, curled up in Zoey’s arms and breathing softly.

For a long moment, Zoey just watched her, her heart soaking in the sensation as she watched Joan’s relaxed face and the slow rise and fall of her chest. She planted a gentle kiss on Joan’s lips, putting just enough force behind it to gently rouse the older woman. She felt Joan’s eyelashes flutter against her cheek.

A soft groan met her lips and the kiss deepened. Zoey smiled into it, arms tightening their hold.

This was the wake up they should have had in Daytona.

“Morning…” Zoey breathed as they finally came up for air.

Joan just groaned again, this one less contented. Her eyes blinked open, unfocused and irritable.

Zoey had to laugh. “Guess I never made it to the third date…” she lamented.

Joan brushed her hair back from her face, eyes focusing and softening. “Oops.” She leaned in to kiss her again.

Zoey melted against her, wishing that it was only them: that the world outside this bed didn’t have schedules and meetings and work to be completed and other people to see. Just for one day, didn’t they deserve that?

But just as she settled, Joan pulled back. Zoey was about to protest the lack of kissing when familiar music began.

_I really don’t wanna embarrass myself_  
 _And no one’s gonna believe me, not even myself_  
 _And they’re all gonna say I’m rebounding, so rebound all over me_  
 _‘Cause I don’t want nobody else_  
 _And I know we said we’re gonna live in the moment_  
 _And that’s how good, that’s what we agreed, I know it_  
 _And every day I believe in you and me more and more_  
 _That is crazy, that’s for sure,_ w _hipped_

_Thank you for saving me, I can’t believe it_   
_Thank you_

_So this is what the truth feels like_   
_This is more of what I had in mind_   
_Yeah this is what the truth feels like_   
_And I’m feeling it, I’m feeling it_   
_Something about this just feels so right, alright_   
_Something about this just feels so right, alright_   
_So this is what the truth feels like_   
_And I’m feeling it, I’m feeling it…_

It was the same Song she’d heard Joan Sing through her tears post-orgasm last night. Even now, she filled the simple Song with such gratitude and passion that Zoey was a little overwhelmed. She blinked, sunlight burning her eyes. 

_She really trusts me._

“Where do you go?”

Blinking back to reality, Zoey found her bed-mate staring right into her face. “h…huh?”

Joan stroked Zoey’s face. “Where do you go when you stare off into space like that?”

She tensed, her stomach coiling uncomfortably. “I…uh…”

But at that very instant, her alarm blared, saving her from answering. By the time Joan had located Zoey’s phone and silenced the jazzy theme (Mo’s handiwork, as part of Zoey’s ‘mandatory music education’) Zoey was already out of bed, searching for clothing for the day.

To her relief, Joan didn’t press the issue. They rose to prepare for their day, Joan lamenting that she’d need to go home before she could go to work and Zoey resisting the urge to hide the older woman’s panties. She shivered at the risqué thought. It was way too soon for her to be thinking about things like _that_ , right?

She couldn’t help watching as Joan got dressed, part of her burning with the thrill that she had the privilege of seeing this. The other part was trying to keep her eyes from wandering to the thin dull-red scars lacing Joan’s inner thighs.

“Aren’t you curious about them?”

Zoey jumped, ashamed she had been caught staring. “I…uh…I um…”

Joan finished buttoning her shirt and crossed her arms. “You can ask.” She told Zoey, clearly trying not to sound defensive. Her naked thighs burned in Zoey’s gaze, daring her to unravel their secrets.

Zoey wanted to ask. She wanted to know everything about Joan, the good and the bad. “Of course I’m curious Joan. But I know you’ll tell me when you decide you’re ready.” She offered Joan a patient smile. “Doesn’t have to be today. We have all the time in the world.”

It seemed that had been the right answer.

Pulling on her slacks, Joan gave a nod. “You got any coffee?” She inquired, leading the way into the kitchen.

“Uh…no…” Zoey stumbled after her, still sorting out her pants and very nearly tripping over her own feet. “I usually just buy some on my way to work.”

Joan scoffed, glancing around Zoey’s sparse kitchen. “I’m buying you a coffee maker. And possibly a blender.”

“What? No…no you really don’t have to…”

“If I’m going to be over here more often, you’ll need to provide me coffee and sustenance if you expect to meet a halfway-nice person in the morning.”

Several responses bounced around in Zoey’s head: about how she didn’t need Joan to buy her things, about how Joan wasn’t ‘nice’ on a good day anyway, about ways to brighten Joan’s morning without coffee. But her mouth was stuck on: “you want to come over more often?”

The conversation stopped dead. Joan glanced back over her shoulder and Zoey couldn’t decide if the look on her face was from a lack of caffeine or genuine uncertainty.

In the sudden silence, heavy with intentions and expectation, someone banged loudly on Zoey’s door.

Zoey winced. “uh Joan?” She slipped on her shoes.

“Hm?” Joan still looked distracted, like she didn’t quite know what to say.

“I’m… _really_ sorry.” Zoey whispered, infinitely glad that they were at least up and dressed. She crossed the apartment, trying to fix her hair and look at least a little less like she’d just fucked her boss.

Joan frowned, suspicion clouding her face. “For what?”

Zoey gave her a sheepish smile. “For what’s about to happen…” She opened the door. “Hey…neighbor…” She leaned on it, trying to look casual and cool.

Mo scanned the apartment, eyes instantly locking on Joan’s confused face. His smile went from mischievous to surprised to ecstatic in less time than it took for Zoey to offer him a ‘good morning’.

“Hot DAMN girl!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this smutty, fluffy chapter! :)


	4. I knew from the first time, I'd stay for a long time

Joan stared at the large, effeminate black man currently staring at her like she was some kind of risqué art piece. And grinning in a way that made her feel like she was a white whale he’d just landed. 

“I heard you two come home last night.” He was saying to Zoey. “And then I popped on my best headphones to give you two some _privacy_.”

Zoey turned beet red. “Mo!!”

“Well it was the best I could do under the circumstances, honey.” He rolled his eyes. “I told you: play some kind of music if you’ve got a caller over!”

“Zoey…?” Joan finally managed to butt in as Zoey sputtered in protest. “What is happening?”

Both of them turned back to her, Mo looking her up and down in awe. 

Zoey gestured. “Joan…this is my neighbor and friend, Mo. He deejay'd the Watch party…Mo…this is Joan, my...” she glanced at Joan, clearly searching for a word. “…my…person.” Zoey finally landed on.

Joan shook her head in disbelief but couldn’t stop the idiotic smile from taking over her face. Zoey’s _person_ …she liked that.

Mo apparently liked it too if his grin was anything to go by. “Well, it’s nice to finally officially meet you!” He gushed. “Zoey’s certainly talked my ear off about you lately.” While Joan processed that, unsure how she felt, he turned back to the coder. “Zoey, I know you said you two had gotten together but you didn’t say anything about you graduating to sleepovers!” He patted her on the head. “You get it, girl!”  
Zoey glanced down. “No this was…literally the first time...” Her voice trailed off into barely more than a whisper.   
The man’s whole face lit up at that. “Really? Aww!” He clasped his hand together. “You precious little baby bykes!” He gestured them both into his apartment. “Alright, both of you get in here…now.”

Zoey and Joan exchanged a glance. “Mo…I don’t know if…”

“Inside!” Mo demanded, cutting Zoey’s meek protest off, “Now!”

Zoey gave Joan an apologetic shrug and the next thing she knew, Joan was crossing the threshold into some kind of explosion of art and music.

Mo sat them both down at his table and bustled about his kitchen, humming songs Joan couldn’t place and cooking. 

He finally placed a full breakfast in front of them (complete with mocktails and hot coffee) and sat himself at the head of the table. 

“So, details.” He sipped at his own drink.

“Look…Mo.” Joan began, picking up her drink. “Thank you for all of this but I really dont think our relationship is…”

Mo waved a hand, cutting her off. “Look, if you dont tell me now, I’m just gonna get it out of Zoey later.”

Zoey choked on her mouthful of coffee. “Oh I…I wouldn’t…” She tried to reassure Joan. 

“She totally will.” Mo interrupted.

Zoey sighed. “…yeah…yeah I will.”

Joan glanced between them, still more than a little flabbergasted at this turn of events. Was Zoey really in the habit of so openly discussing their relationship with this stranger? She didn’t know how she felt about that.

“Really Zoey?” She tried not to sound angry or defensive but she still couldn’t tell if it might be warranted. “You…you’ve been talking about me?”

Zoey nodded, looking slightly worried. “Mo’s kinda…been there for me during some tough times these past few months.” She smiled at him. “He’s been a great support through…everything in my life lately.”

Mo was eying Zoey strangely, as if he expected Zoey to say more. 

“Zoey and I are tight.” He finally continued, as Zoey seemed to be done. “She keeps my secrets and I keep hers.” He shot Zoey a look at that, which she didn’t return. Mo turned to Joan and gave her a lopsided smile. “So anything you say to me, stays with me.”

Joan still wasn’t convinced. In her experience, that was the kind of thing people said to garner trust before they screwed you over. But one glance at Zoey had her rethinking that assessment.

Zoey was digging into Mo’s food, clearly completely at ease around the man when their relationship wasn’t front and center. “Mo’s also the reason I haven’t starved yet.” Zoey admitted, around a mouthful of eggs.

Joan supposed she had no right to hate the man if that were the case. 

Slightly more comfortable, she tried his eggs. They were fantastic.

Conversation was light and almost enjoyable as they ate. Mo was one of those incredibly lucky people who instantly connected with strangers; even intentionally cold ones like her. Joan begrudgingly liked that about him. But she let Zoey do most of the talking: about their date, about work, and Joan’s concerns about her kitchen.

“I keep telling you,” Mo said, shaking his head. “A little bit of work and it may look like you actually live in that place!”

Joan regarded him out of the corner of her eye at that. Perhaps he wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe she’d buy him a coffee maker too.

“Oh, Zoey.” Mo interrupted as the coder finished her plate. “I do believe you still have my dust-buster from the other day…would you mind returning that?”

Zoey, about to scoop more eggs onto her plate, froze. “Wha…right now?”

“You never know when cleaning inspiration will strike!” Mo declared. He snatched Zoey’s empty plate away. “Now get!”

Shrugging a Joan and giving her a quiet “be right back!”, the coder streaked out of the apartment and back to her own. 

As soon as Zoey left, Mo turned to Joan, smiling falling off his face.

Joan stiffened, her hackles immediately rising. “What?” She demanded. “If you’re planning to threaten me…”

Mo chuckled, giving her a once-over that reeked of judgment. “Oh I wouldn’t dream of threatening you, honey. I know who you are and I know what you’re worth. I’m not about that.” He refilled his drink, completely calm. “I just needed to get a feel for you without the Zo-cinerator and her endless sunshine around.”

Joan scoffed. “What are you, her protector?”

“No. I’m her gay spirit guide.” Mo replied, completely serious. “And a voice of reason for when she refuses to see it. So there’s just one thing I need to say to you.”

“Let me guess: ‘if you hurt that girl, I’ll hurt you?’” Joan stood up, intent on walking out. “Newsflash Marvin Gaye, I care very much for Zoey. And I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”

Mo (who had raised an eyebrow at the reference) shook his head. “Wrong.” Completely unbothered by her power stance and wrinkled, day-old outfit, he leaned back in his chair. “I was going to tell you that no matter what you do, you’re going to hurt her.”

Well, that was unexpected. “What?”

Mo nodded towards the hallway. “She wont admit it, not even to me, but Zoey’s in a very precarious place right now.” His face softened with worry and Joan realized what he must be referring to. 

“Do you mean because of her dad?” She met his gaze and stood straighter. “I know, and I’m here. Whatever she needs, I’m going to be there.” She’d known that from the moment Zoey had told her. 

Mo seemed surprised. “Huh, maybe you’re more empathetic than you look…”

Joan sighed, discomfort swirling through her. “Mo…I know I’m not the friendliest person…hell, I actively hate most people.” She lowered herself back into her seat. “But Zoey…means a lot to me. I want to be there for her.”

Mo nodded, almost approvingly. “That girl is going through a lot right now and she doesn’t exactly know how to do anything half-assed.” He reminded her. As if Joan didn’t already know that. “So if you’re going to be a part of her life, you’d better be all the way. Here for all of her ups, downs, and crazy detours.” He lowered his gaze, eyes fixed on her. “Or else our next meeting isn’t going to be so amicable.”

Joan nodded, the feeling from last night surging through her again. “I…I’m not quite there yet. But I want to be.”

Mo gave her another once-over, this time without as much judgment. “Good answer.” 

* * *

Joan took her leave shortly after their breakfast, wanting to get home for a shower and change of clothes before work. 

She kissed Zoey goodbye at Mo’s door, her grip tender and sweet. Zoey leaned into it, wishing they had more time to talk. And way more for kissing.

But Joan gently pushed her back. “See you soon.” She said, stroking Zoey’s face. “Don’t be late.”

As she let go, Zoey heard an echo of the same song Joan had Sung to her the previous night through her tears. This time, it was happier. 

Zoey was still smiling like an idiot as she rejoined Mo. 

“Well, it’s nice to see you smiling Zo-loft.” Mo commented, washing the dishes.

“Sorry…just…” She she tried to school her face but couldn’t. The smile was permanently fixed there. “I never imagined this would happen! And now that it is…I really, _really_ like it.” She sighed, collapsing back into her chair. “Joan is…so incredible…and last night we…” She glanced up, biting her lip. “She Sang to me, Mo. Right after we…did things.”

Mo rolled his eyes at her vague wording but he looked so proud of her. 

“She Sang about believing in love again and everything feeling right…” Zoey blushed and hid her face in her hands. “I think she loves me. Even if she wont say it yet…” While part of her already knew that from everything that had happened around the conference, it was a whole different feeling to suspect that while in a…while dating Joan. Now it meant something. And now Zoey could measure Joan’s rate of falling against her own and see them heading towards something beautiful and (dare she hope?) long-term.

“I’m all in for you two honey.” Mo flipped a dish towel over his shoulder and set to work drying. “She’s a beautiful, bold woman who wont let herself be intimidated. Would 100% be my type if I was anything resembling straight.” 

“I know…” Zoey gushed. “I…I’m so lucky!”

Mo whirled around, fixing Zoey with a look. “So, what is your plan for telling her about your powers?”

The smile fell right off her face at that. “I…I don’t have one…” 

Mo hummed, not seeming surprised. “Why ever not?”

“It…it’s complicated Mo!” Zoey insisted, standing up so she could follow him as he cleaned up. “We’re in a brand new place now and things are still all fresh and scary…plus, then I’d have to explain how everything happened at the conference…and with her divorce…” She bit her lip, only just now realizing how deep this ran. “How do I even begin to explain all that?”

She didn’t want to think about it yet, not while everything was so new and exciting. They were barely even dating! She hadn’t even told Max, her best friend about this and the only reason Mo and her dad knew were because of circumstances beyond her control. She bit her lip. 

_Oh god, this could get complicated…_

“You want my advice?” Mo asked, interrupting her runaway train of thought. 

She nodded. “Yes!”

“Don't tell her. Just keep letting her think that you have an uncanny ability to sense her emotions and she won’t ever lie to you.”

Zoey raised an eyebrow. “Really? That’s your advice?”

Mo sagged. “NO.” He flicked a dishtowel at her in reproach. “Honey, if you want her trust, you’ve got to earn it. So tell her before she starts thinking you’re reading her mind!”

Zoey flailed. “But how? It’s just going to sound like I’m crazy…”

“Well, you can always lean on me to back you up.”

“But Joan’s really logical…and there’s no logical explanation for my powers…” It would be like coming out all over again. Except worse because she’d basically be explaining to a tech pioneer that _superpowers_ were a thing. And that she’d used them to meddle in Joan’s life. “She’d assume we were playing a joke on her or trying to hoodwink her long before her mind would let her accept that I have superpowers!”

Mo had raised an eyebrow at the word “hoodwink” but he gave her a sympathetic look as she worked herself up. “Zoey…I know it’s tough.” He assured her. “And you deserve your happiness. So much.” He gave her a look that Zoey couldn’t quite place. “So, enjoy the honeymoon period while it lasts. But don’t wait too long to tell her. Because the longer you do, the more lies you have to tell her. And most people have a lie quota that when reached, relationships never recover from.”

Zoey offered him a smile. “Can’t I just let her keep on thinking that I’m really _tuned-in_ to her feelings?”

Mo groaned. “Don’t ever use that pun again.” He advised her. “And no, not if you ever want her to trust you completely.”

Zoey thought back to the Song that morning, to the intense intimacy of the previous night and all the secrets she was already privy to in Joan’s life. “But she already does.”

Mo shrugged. “Then I got nothing.”

* * *

Zoey arrived at work an hour later - mostly on time and mostly focused. 

Mo’s advice had bothered her the whole way over, blocking out the podcast she tried to listen to on her way in. Dr. Tyson’s enthusiasm for black holes just wasn’t enough to overcome her unease. She pulled her headphones off and let her thoughts come back in.

How was she going to handle telling Joan about her powers? They were basically only together because of them. 

She pushed the elevator button, biting her lip as she thought back. Everything about their relationship: from their initial friendship to their revelations at the conference to last night was all guided by the soundtrack in her head. 

_Is now the right time?_

Was now the best time to tell Joan that she heard her feelings through Songs?

Zoey winced. Well, she’d have to work on the precise wording. 

_I should at least…prepare her. Maybe drop a hint or two?_

Joan was clearly already aware that something was up with her. She’d noticed several of Zoey’s Zone Outs in Daytona and beyond and seemed at least unconsciously aware that Zoey had some kind of sixth sense about her feelings. But for the most part, Joan had only reacted positively to Zoey’s meddling.

The elevator dinged and Zoey stepped out onto the fourth floor. 

_Either way, I shouldn’t wait too long. She deserves to know._

As she always did these days, Zoey glanced towards Joan’s office as she walked across the floor. Sometimes Joan would look up and they would share a smile before going their separate ways. Sometimes Zoey would go straight into her office and they would chat for a few minutes: mostly about work but always with gazes that said so much more. Some days Zoey just pushed Joan a reminder on her Watch to let her know she was thinking of her.

But as she glanced today, her feet stopped dead. 

Someone else was in Joan’s office. 

Someone who was tall and thin and pressing her lips to Joan’s cheek, her face very close to Joan’s. And Joan wasn’t moving away.

Zoey bristled. 

“What the fuck?”


	5. Got Everyone Watchin’ Us (So Baby Let’s Keep It Secret)

Zoey stalked into Joan’s office, half of her terrified and the other half angry. 

“Aloha, Joan!” She called loudly. Both women turned to her and Zoey felt her legs tremble at the onslaught of pretty women fixated on her.

Joan’s friend was _tall_ \- almost six feet without even wearing heels - and had flawless bronze skin that glowed in the lights. Her slim body looked right at home in its designer red dress and her severe high ponytail instantly put Zoey on the defense.

_Is she a supermodel?_  
The gorgeous woman fixed Zoey with a piercing smile. Flinching, Zoey was instantly reminded of her strict 4th grade teacher calling her out for doing her math homework during English lessons. 

“Can we do something for you?” She asked Zoey, as if she were a lost child. “No? Then beat it.” Her voice dipped just a hint lower than expected with a very slight Spanish accent.

Zoey was seized by an unexpected pulse of jealousy and attraction.

_Damn, even her voice makes her sexy!_

That was so unfair. How was she supposed to compete with _that_?

“Anita!” Joan snapped.

The woman, Anita apparently, rounded on Joan again. “This is a sensitive matter, Joan.”

“It’s fine.” Joan beckoned Zoey inside, shooting her a covert look. “Zoey is a friend and I trust her.”

Anita frowned at that and gave Zoey a once-over as Joan gave her an apologetic smile. Zoey tried her best not to shrink.

“Oh no…” Anita’s eyes darted back and forth between them like she was watching a tennis match. After several volleys, something finally seemed to click. “No, Joanie…really? Another? Already?”

Joan glared, arms folding across her middle. “I don’t pay you to make judgements.”

“It’s a free service.” Anita assured her, waving a hand. “So…” She glanced Zoey up and down again, eyes lingering on her waist, her bust and her hair. Zoey shifted, everything about her gaze making her uncomfortable. 

“This is the liability?” Anita shook her head. “Oh Joanie, you really do like to give me a challenge, don’t you?” She walked around Zoey and seized her by the shoulders from behind. “ _This_ ” She gave Zoey a little shake, “adorable, insecure, Catholic school, fresh-out-of-college nerd who works _under_ you - in more ways than one- is your current dalliance?”

Zoey stiffened, both from the action and the word. _Dalliance_? She glanced to Joan for some kind of clue but her boss remained ridged.

“Can we not do this here?” Joan demanded, raising her eyebrows.

“I tried. But you wouldn’t answer my texts.” Anita released Zoey, making the coder stumble. Anita smelled like saffron and expensive perfume. “So now we _have_ to do this here.”

“Anita…you’re making something out of nothing…”

“Am I? Or am I making you see reason in your post-divorce haze?”

Zoey watched the two of them bicker, her mouth not able to function. She was trying to read Joan’s body language or pick up on a hint from her tone of voice. 

“Be honest with me here…” Anita pressed, leaning forward over Joan’s desk. Joan didn’t back away. “How many bodies do I need to bury?”

“None!” Joan snapped, “Zoey’s the first woman I’ve…” she shot Zoey a glance, “been with since the divorce.”

Anita followed her gaze, eyes narrowing. “Don’t lie to me…” She waved a finger at Joan, still watching Zoey. “never lie to me Joanie. I always find the truth. ”

Joan was silent at that, glancing at Zoey as if ashamed. 

“Joan?” Zoey began, finally finding her voice. “Explain? Who is this?”

Both pairs of women exchanged a look: one aggressive, one apologetic.

Finally Joan pursed her lips. “Anita…she…is my publicist.”

“Pub…licist…?” Well, it was better than all the other nightmare scenarios Zoey’s mind had been concocting.

Anita tilted her head to Zoey. “Technically, I’m Charlie’s…” She grinned, all her teeth showing. “But Joanie got me in the divorce.”

Zoey noticed Joan wincing at the nickname. “How did that work?” She asked, amused in spite of herself. 

Anita raised an eyebrow at her. “Let’s just say when you have dirt on literally everything your client has ever fucking done, you get to dictate your terms of employment.” She gave a smug little smirk. “Or lack thereof.” Moving around the desk, she clasped Joan around the shoulders. “Joan’s much more interesting to represent…the scandals are always much more…” her eyes shot to Zoey, smile slipping from her face. “surprising.”

Releasing Joan, she stepped around the desk again and extracted a sleek tablet from a designer handbag resting on Joan’s chair. “Like this one, for instance…” She held out her tablet to Zoey.

A photo was displayed on the screen. Zoey’s heart stopped.

It was from the conference. Someone had somehow snapped a photo of the exact moment that Joan and Claudia had kissed. 

And Zoey could see, just over Claudia’s shoulder, herself: gaze fixated on the kissing duo, a devastated look on her face. Her heart thudded loudly in her ears.

“Now Joanie, I didn’t realize you were back on the muff wagon.” Anita was saying, turning the tablet to Joan.

Joan didn’t even glance at the photo. “Please dont ever call it that again.”

“The tabloids will do worse.” Anita snatched the tablet back. “Now, let’s try this again.” She fixed Joan with an innocent look. “ _How many bodies_ do I need to bury? Because clearly, your subordinate here isn’t the only one…”

“She is.” Joan insisted, a faint pink tinge to her cheeks. “This was just…bad timing.”

“Bad timing?” Anita rolled her eyes. “You’re kissing your gay former roommate - and by the way #1 RPF partner on all the forums - ten minutes after finalizing your divorce with your husband of 20 years! I think we need to get on the same page as to what constitutes ‘bad timing’!”

“I’m not with Claudia. You already know everything that’s happened between me and her.” Joan insisted, folding her arms. 

Zoey stood silent, part of her still reeling from the photo, the other unsure how she felt about this conversation. Anita knew Joan was bi? And she knew about Claudia? What else did she know?

Anita shook her head as Joan tried to move around her. “Clearly I don’t know _everything_ , or we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“It was just a kiss.” Joan sighed, gathering up her tablet. “We were drunk and nostalgic and dancing and she stole a kiss. I let it happen because…” Her eyes slid to Zoey briefly, making the younger woman look away. “…because I was lonely.”

Anita glanced between them again, brow furrowed. “And that’s it?” She demanded. “I don’t need to go calling your ex for an NDA?”

“Claudia will sign whatever you ask her to.” Joan bit her lip. “But you don’t need to. She’s…aware of the circumstance.”

Anita’s eyes bulged. “She _knows_ about you two?” 

Joan shrugged, standing alongside Zoey. Zoey wanted to reach for her hand but both of Joan’s were busy with her tablet. 

Anita gave a dramatic sigh, rolling her eyes. “I mean…look at you two. I can feel the sexual tension from here. Are you _trying_ to kill me?” 

“Isn’t this your job?” Joan snapped. Zoey tried not to notice the half-step Joan took away from her.

“The only reason I came here was to follow up on the Claudia story and confirm the details. Now you’re throwing me this?” Anita sighed heavily and her whole demeanor shifted. She gave Joan a cocky little smirk. “You’re lucky I like you or I’d be at Nicolas Cage’s door begging for my job back.”

Joan smirked in return and Zoey felt like she was missing the joke. “Can I assume the lucky photographer has been taken care of?” Joan asked. 

“I bought it off of a no-name tech blogger trying to use it to goose her following.” Anita scoffed, waving a hand. “She didn’t take much for it. Story’s dead. What happened in Daytona will stay in Daytona…”

Zoey couldn’t help smirking at that. But it quickly faded as Anita glanced her way, eyes glinting.

“So what now then?” Joan asked. “You tell me to clean up my act and be a good little divorcee while my ex runs wild with teenage girls?”

Anita rolled her eyes. “I could never dream of telling you what to do Joanie…I just mop up the mess before anyone else notices.” She shook her head. “Just…keep the redhead out of the limelight and hope your colleagues and stalkers are less intuitive about workplace dalliances than I am.”

“You’re trained to see them.” Joan replied. She gestured towards the heads at desks out on the floor. “Most of them can’t see past their own popped collars.”

Zoey really hoped that was true. 

As she turned back, she stiffened when she found Anita was watching her again. 

The publicist scooped up her purse. “Well, I’m going to give you two a moment to…figure things out.” She glared at Zoey. “When I come back, you’d better be on your merry way with your mouth shut.”

Pulling a slim phone out of her purse, she left Joan’s office before Zoey could say anything in response. Not that she had anything lined up.

Joan took a deep breath before she turned to look at Zoey. “So…uhh…”

“Why was she kissing you?” Zoey demanded, face feeling hot.

Joan scoffed. “She’s Spanish. And eccentric. And she knows it annoys me.” Her eyes shot to Zoey’s face and the corner of her lips raised slightly. “Are you…jealous?”

“Should I be?” Zoey was full of something, whether anger or jealousy she couldn’t tell. All she knew was that no matter her relationship with Joan, she didn’t like Anita. She turned and as she saw Joan was still watching her, the sensation dulled slightly. “Stop looking at me like that…”

But Joan was actually smiling now, a satisfied smirk playing across her face that she couldn’t seem to stifle. Zoey’s insides did a little twist.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Zoey reprimanded her, face flushing. 

“Only the jealousy. It’s cute. And relax, she’s married.” Joan sighed, shoulders slumping. “The rest…well…I’m hardly excited for.”

Zoey glanced out over the floor but Anita was nowhere in sight. “She…she doesn’t like me…does she?”

“It’s not personal.” Joan assured her. “She just sees you as an obstacle to getting her job done.”

“Which is?”

“Keep this…” She gestured between them. “Quiet.”

“Really?”

“I didn’t ask her to. But she found the photo first and contacted me, as is her job.” Joan offered her a small smile, almost like an apology. “But honestly, I was starting to think about telling her about you.”

“Really? Why?” 

But Joan wasn’t looking at her. She was fiddling with something on her tablet. “I was hoping you’d never have to find out…that we could leak this quietly and bury it under a bunch of other junk…”

Zoey’s head was spinning. She was missing something, clearly. “You were going to keep Anita a secret from me?”

Her boss started at her tone. “No!” Joan insisted, waving her hands. “Not a secret! Just…” she shifted. “I hoped she was going to stay in the background…so you wouldn’t need to worry…”

Well, now Zoey was very worried. “About what?” 

Joan walked up to her again and Zoey could tell she was thinking her response through carefully. 

“Joan…?”

“Zoey…I know it doesn’t always seem like it because I’m a private person. But since I was married to the biggest name in game design and have achieved great career success of my own, I live under scrutiny. And my life and any accompanying drama is of particular interest to a merry little band of feminist internet tech bloggers, bitter Charlie fanboys, and ‘journalists’ who would like nothing better than to find some juicy, scandalous nugget of my life to expose for money, fame, or public shame.” She offered Zoey a guilty smile. “And unfortunately…what’s happening between us would be the equivalent of Bradgelina splitting up _and_ Kevin Spacey ‘coming out’ for my reputation.” She sat on the edge of her desk. 

Zoey winced. “That bad huh…” She sat next to Joan, but not as close as she wanted to. She knew Joan was moderately famous, but she hadn’t really taken the step back from the heat of their relationship to consider what that meant. Apparently, it meant needing to deal with Joan’s publicist. “And so Anita’s here to…smooth that out?”

Joan winced. “Not quite. At the moment, she’s here to kill any stories that get out about us.” She shook her head and Zoey could see the beginnings of a stress wrinkle forming in her forehead. “…this will be bad enough if it leaks to the wrong person…”

“Can’t we just…leak it ourselves?” Zoey asked. “Quietly? Like you said?”

“No no, can’t.” Joan shook her head violently. “Not right now.”

“Oh…”

But Joan backpedaled immediately at Zoey’s dejected tone. “It’s not that I don’t want to…!” She trailed off, biting her lip.

“But…?” Zoey pressed.

“But it’s not as easy as just deciding to do it.” Joan placed her hand down on the desk, very near to Zoey’s. “I…I cant exactly discreetly announce that I’m bi and in a relationship. Not anymore at least…”

Zoey tried for a supportive smile. “Joan, it’s 2020…being gay or bi isn’t exactly a scandal anymore.” She encouraged softly. 

But Joan frowned. “That’s not my concern Zoey. I don’t care if people know that. Honestly, the internet’s been wishing for such a thing for the better part of a decade. It’s the timing.”

“The timing?”

Joan punched something on her tablet and held it out to Zoey. “Anita showed me this just before you came in…” 

Zoey took the device, glancing over the tabloid story. “Oh…” Joan’s ex-husband Charlie was kissing a skinny blonde woman who looked younger than Zoey, a shiny rock prominent on her finger. A splashy headline declared: _**Billionaire Game Developer & Sensational Model Superstar are engaged**_ **!** The story was dated to the previous day.

“Yeah.” Joan was tense and practically seething. “Bastard found himself a model not 2 days after our divorce was finalized and now he’s about to marry her…” 

Zoey handed the tablet back, an uneasy feeling in her chest. “Well to be fair, _we_ did get together a whole 3 days after the papers were signed…”

“Not the point!” Joan snapped, half-smirking and Zoey felt a flare of pleasure that she had managed to lift Joan’s mood, however slightly. “Anyway, the tabloids have been up my ass until now trying to get into my personal life for retribution gossip. And what’s happening between us will only look like I'm trying to create a scandal just to one-up him.” She sighed. “Which…given my reputation is exactly the kind of thing I’d do. And the internet is foaming at the mouth for just such a scandal. I cant even go home without dodging three of them…now that he’s actually engaged, I’m sure it will only get worse…”

Zoey could see Joan talking herself into another spiral, much like the one that had had her boss trying to move to the east coast just to avoid facing their mutual feelings for each other. Panic gripped her at the thought that Joan would ask her to stop, to put everything on hold when they’d just begun to really explore what being them meant. “Then come home with me…”She blurted out. 

Joan blinked at her. “Z…Zoey?” A slight blush rose to her cheeks. 

But Zoey plowed on: “I’m further downtown, my building is quiet and unassuming, totally inconspicuous. My neighbors dont gossip and if we get caught, you can always say you’re visiting a friend…which you would be…as far as anyone knew.” Joan was still quiet so she kept talking. “Mo would gladly cover for us; he loves drama. And I don’t mind needing to keep things quiet! I mean, we have to do that here anyway so….” She finally stopped herself, biting her lips shut to wait for Joan’s response.

Her boss took a deep breath. “Zoey…last night was…incredible.” She turned to Zoey, her eyes alight with the same thrill Zoey saw every time they made out in the bathroom. “But we need to be careful.”

Zoey nodded, infinitely grateful that Joan wasn’t going to ask her to stop. Right now, she didn’t think she could. “I know….Just…think about it.” She gave Joan one of her secret smiles and tapped her watch. Pushing herself off the desk, she made her way over towards the office door. “You did say you wanted to be over more often…”

Joan let out one of her soft laughs and gave Zoey a fond smile. “Only if I get you that coffee maker.”

“I think I can make that sacrifice.”

Joan smirked. “That’s my girl.” Then she waved her away like it was any other day at work. 

Zoey left her office, feeling floaty. _My girl._ She liked it. 

As Zoey made her way to her desk, she started to hear music and she stopped, trying to make it out. It was muffled and unintelligible, if there were even lyrics at all.

She glanced back but Joan was walking away from her, making her way to her first meeting of the day. She wasn’t Singing. 

Zoey turned around and tensed as she caught sight of Joan’s publicist again. The floaty feeling dissipated, frustration creeping in.

Not even glancing up, Anita crossed the floor in front of her and for just a moment, Zoey was sure that the music was coming from her. But the publicist had her head buried in her phone, a scowl fixed on her face and gave no indication that she was going to Sing. 

Zoey kept watching but even as Anita entered the elevator and descended, the Song remained the same muffled volume.

She glanced around until it faded but couldn’t pick out any potential Singers. 

_Weird_.

She made a note to tell Mo. Usually her powers made it quite obvious who she was supposed to listen to and help. Or drew her towards the Singing until she could see them. Why was this time different?

It was only as she started walking again that she realized she’d completely forgotten about her vow to start dropping hints about her powers. 

_I need to tell her…just…maybe not_ right _now?_

She could wait a bit…just until Joan was less worried about her ex’s engagement. Right?

Zoey made her way over to her desk and cringed when she saw Leif waiting for her. This couldn’t be good.

“Yo Zoey!” Tobin called, “who’s the Spanish babe in Joan’s office?” She ignored him.

“Morning Leif.” She called, setting her bag and coat down. “Need something?”

“Just an explanation…” Zoey turned to face him, troubled by his cocky tone. Leif was staring down at her, eyes glinting. “For why you were wining and dining with the boss?” 

Zoey fumbled for a second, desperately trying not to give anything away. “What are you talking about?”

With the air of airing a dirty secret, Leif whipped out his phone and pulled up a _Talkin’ Tech_ tweet. He presented it to her with a glare. 

Zoey’s heart stopped. 

_How…?_

It was a picture of her and Joan at dinner, both holding wine glasses, both laughing. To Zoey’s relief, their other hands were hidden behind a basket of breadsticks; their handhold hidden from the lens. 

Her heart racing, Zoey glanced up at Leif, trying her absolute best to appear unmoved to his intensity. “Joan and I are friends…we got dinner after work. So what?”

“You what?”

The new voice had Zoey wincing and Leif smirking. 

Max appeared over Zoey’s shoulder, staring at the photo in disbelief. 

“Max…” Zoey tried, already panicking. 

Her best friend rounded on her, seeming hurt. “So you ditched me for _Galaxy Falling_ and went to dinner with Joan?” He was looking at her like she’d personally betrayed him. Or murdered his favorite puppy.

“It wasn’t like that!” Zoey assured him. 

Max was still clearly angry, but he crossed his arms and waited. “Okay. Then what was it?”

“We just…!” Her stomach twisted at the lie she was telling. But with Leif watching suspiciously and the revelations about Joan’s public image, what else could she say? “We finished our work and Joan asked if I wanted to get dinner. I was hungry!” She tried for a smile. “And you know how much I love their breadsticks…”

Max sighed, the corner of his mouth turning up in an amused smirk. “yeah…you do…” he moved to his desk, looking slightly more relaxed.

“Long way to go for breadsticks…” Leif commented, eyes still narrowed at her. 

“Joan insisted.” Zoey shot back, “and sounds like you’ve never tried them if you’re not willing to make the trek. Those things are _heavenly_.”

“Leif’s not big on carbs.” Tobin spoke up, not looking up from his Rubik's cube. Leif just made a noncommittal noise and turned back to his screens. Max was still shooting Zoey hurt looks and she realized that she was going to need to try harder. 

“Look, Max.” Zoey continued, standing in front of his desk. “I didn’t mean for it to look like I abandoned you. We just…wanted to grab dinner after work.”

Max sighed. “I know…sorry I just…” He fixed her with a charming smile. “I miss you.” Soft music started but didn’t swell into a Song.

Zoey’s stomach twisted further. _Right_. “We’ll hang soon….” she awkwardly punched his arm. “…buddy…gotta see that commentary!”

Max gave her another amused look. “Just say when.”

Leif cleared his throat. “When are you planning to share this software update plan with us, Zoey?”

She squeezed her eyes shut. _Shit, right_. “Tomorrow.” She lied through her teeth. “Joan wants to run it by some board members first.”

Leif scoffed but the answer seemed to satisfy him. For now.

Zoey sat at her desk, restraining herself from glancing towards the conference room to see Joan again. Instead, she busied herself with finding the tweet and furiously searching the hashtags. Thankfully, none seemed to have caught on to any romantic implications of the dinner. 

_We have to be more careful…_ Honestly, they were lucky to have made it this far without anyone suspecting anything. She considered how she could better encrypt her hack code for Joan’s watch and ways she could sneak the woman into her apartment.

Zoey trembled, more than slightly thrilled at the prospect of going full incognito for this. It would certainly make their bathroom meetups hotter.

She shook herself, putting her plans aside for the moment. 

Now, she needed to create a software update plan…

But come 10:50, she was going to kiss Joan so hard she’d make that same noise she had last night…

* * *

Already thoroughly bored by the proceedings of the meeting, Joan glared at the picture on her phone screen - infinitely thankful no one had followed them into the alley.

What the hell kind of pathetic tech gossiper was following her to Amicci’s? 

_At least Anita…_

Her phone lit up with three messages in quick succession. Joan sighed.

> **Are you fucking kidding me?**
> 
> **Srsly? I cant leave you alone for a second can I?**
> 
> **When this blows up in your face, you’re paying for my retirement home in the Caribbean!**

Eyes were staring to dart her way at the vibrations. Joan turned her phone off, irritation running all through her.

_At least we didn’t kiss in the restaurant._ She could thank her first date jitters for something.

After 20 years of being Mrs. Bennett, Joan was used to a certain amount of paparazzi stalking. They’d once caught her and Charlie drunkenly fooling around in a public park and it was only because of Anita’s damage control that “Penis-gate” had been quashed. Since then, Anita had been the closest thing Joan had to a friend and the only person she trusted with her personal life. Her publicist had always had a comforting attack-dog persona that Joan admired and ruthlessly exploited. But this time, Anita’s involvement in the whole thing just made her feel really uneasy. 

Joan glanced across the office, where Zoey was chatting amicably with the boy who was so obviously in love with her it was kind of pathetic. Her heart gripped with fear and it was only the sensation of the ache between her legs that calmed her. Zoey had chosen her.

And that both placated and terrified her. Maybe it was because everything with Zoey was so new. Maybe because she wasn’t really ‘out’ or even suspected of being bi by the general populace. Maybe because everything since the moment Zoey had asked to hear about her marriage issues felt so new and fragile and _private_ that she didn’t want to share any of it. 

Or maybe because the thought of dragging Zoey into the hellhole of her public life felt like the exact opposite of what she wanted for the younger woman.


	6. I'm Under Your Spell

“It’s nice to have you back for dinner again.” Maggie smiled at Zoey as she cleared the plates away. “I feel like it’s been ages since I got you and David in the same room together.”

Zoey winced as she stood up to help. “Yeah, sorry mom.”

Her mom waved her apology away as she swatted Zoey’s hands from the sink. “Don’t apologize, I know you’re busy.”

“But still, I’ve missed seeing you and dad.” Zoey glanced over towards the living room, where Howie was coaxing her father to drink a little more of a smoothie. 

Her parents had hired the home health aide a few days ago and already, Zoey could tell it had been a smart choice. Her mom was actually smiling again and seemed much more relaxed. Then again, it had been a few days since Zoey had last visited in person. 

She carried the dishes to the kitchen and helped her mom load up the dishwasher. David yelled a goodbye from the foyer, heading back home to care for his pregnant wife.

Maggie ushered Zoey into the living room, where Zoey happily plunked herself down next to her dad and snuggled up to him like she used to when she was little. Howie gave her a wink and excused himself to clean up from dinner.

As soon as he was gone, Maggie seated herself next to Zoey. “So, now that your brother is gone, do you want to talk to us about what’s keeping you so busy?”

Zoey squirmed. She had called almost every day, checking in on her father’s health and complaining to her mom about work or Mo’s antics. But her mom had always been able to see right through her attempts to avoid particular topics. Maggie never pushed the issue. But with each phone call, Zoey knew she was drawing ever closer to the inevitable moment when she’d have to tell her mom why she’d been absent so long. 

Her stomach clenched. “Uh…yeah…” She took her dad’s hand, finding comfort as he gave it a tiny squeeze. This was why she had come over tonight. To talk to them both. “I’m uh…I’m actually seeing…someone right…right now.” She admitted. 

“Oh?” Her parents exchanged a glance. “That’s great!” Maggie exclaimed, “For how long?”

Zoey traced the back of her dad’s hand. “A…about a month.”

Her dad grunted in approval, or surprise, it was hard to tell. 

Maggie also seemed surprised. “You’ve been dating for a month and you haven’t told me?” She smirked at Zoey. “That’s a new record.”

In the past, Zoey had always been upfront and open about her dating life (and lack thereof) with her mom. But this time was…complicated.

“I just…” Zoey glanced at Mitch, “I wasn’t sure how to tell you…or when to tell you!”

“Zoey,” Maggie touched her shoulder. “It’s alright. I know everything is complicated right now but your father and I want to know what’s going on in your life.” Mitch grunted in approval.

Zoey sighed. “It…this all just feels so new.” She admitted, starting to feel better. “I was afraid that telling you would be…awkward.”

Maggie laughed. “Honey, you and Max make a great couple. And we already love him. You shouldn’t feel awkward about telling us about you two.”

All her confidence evaporated. _What…?_ “It…it’s not Max…?” She glanced between them. 

“Oh.” Her mother seemed genuinely surprised. “I’m sorry Zoey, I guess I just assumed that you two would date eventually since he’s always tagging along for family things and spends every waking hour with you…”

“I’m dating a woman.” Zoey blurted, finding herself even more uncomfortable with how comfortable her parents were at the thought of her with Max than she was admitting that she was bi. 

Mitch let out a heavy laugh, the action so strong that it actually managed to lift the corners of his mouth slightly.

Her mother, to her credit, was only startled for a moment before she too began to laugh.

“Oh…OH!”

“What?” Zoey glanced between them. Their laughter wasn’t malicious. It was more like they were in on a joke that she wasn’t. “Is…” she swallowed, “is that really so…unexpected?”

“Oh. No, honey…of course not.” Maggie regained control of her laughter and gave Zoey a little squeeze around her shoulders. “But did you think your father _didn’t_ tell me whenever he caught you with someone?” 

Zoey closed her eyes. _Dammit dad_. But she still couldn’t help sending a smile her father’s way. 

Mitch laughed again, blinking his eyes hard in his new approximation of a wink.

“Thank you for telling us.” Maggie continued. “It’s great that you’re finally seeing a woman! Your father was trying to get me to set up a betting pool.”

Zoey rounded on him. “Really dad?” Her father just gave a noncommittal huff. 

“He had dibs on you dating a woman within 5 years.” Maggie told her, smirking at her husband. “David had 2.”

“David was in on this too?!”

Her mother laughed again, covering her face with her hand. While she was still mortified at the idea of them all talking about her love life behind her back, Zoey was glad to see that it brought them all so much joy.

“And you?” She demanded.

Maggie waved her hand. “I didn’t place a bet.” It was unfair, but Zoey had to wonder if that was because her mom had been dead-set on her and Max eventually hooking up. “How did you two meet?” Maggie asked, leaning forward. 

“Uuhhhh…through…through work…” Zoey fumbled. After their reaction to the news that she was dating a woman, she shouldn’t have felt so awkward about revealing the true nature of her relationship. But her mother’s apparent certainty that she and Max were going to be together was sticking unpleasantly in her mind, blocking her carefully-constructed plan for how to gently reveal the identity and age of her woman. 

“Well, you should bring her by sometime.” Maggie insisted, patting Zoey’s hand and standing up to tuck a blanket around Mitch’s legs. “Or invite her to lunch.”

Zoey squirmed. “Mom…she’s really busy and…kinda shy about meeting new people…”

Maggie laughed. “Okay, well it doesn’t have to be here and doesn’t have to be tomorrow.” She fixed Zoey with a compelling look. “But soon? Please? I want to meet the _woman_ dating my daughter.”

Zoey had never been able to say no to that face. “Sure, mom. I’ll ask her.”

* * *

“Hey Red.”

“Hey,” Zoey tucked the phone under her ear as she boarded the street car. “Can you talk for a bit?”

There was a muffled barking and the sound of something shuffling. “Of course.” Joan replied, and Zoey could hear the smile in her voice. It lifted her mood instantly. “How was your visit with your family? How’s your dad?”

“It was nice, he’s…doing okay.” She explained about Howie and discussed her mother’s improved mood, feeling so liberated that Joan listened to her so attentively. She could tell by the lack of noises on the other end. Where others made little “uh huhs” and “hmmms” to indicate that they were engaged, Joan only did that when she was actively ignoring someone.

“I…I actually told them about you.” Zoey admitted, her chest fluttering.

Joan let out a choking sound. “Whhatt? Really? Wh…why now?”

Zoey took a moment to think before she answered. She’d rehearsed this too, to no avail. It had been over a month now since they had returned from the conference. The Watch was performing well and Joan was pestering the team to come up with new product ideas. When she wasn’t making Zoey lightheaded in the bathroom with gentle kisses to her neck. Or bringing her to climaxes with her tongue on her own bed.

So far, they’d been super careful: never meeting on the same nights, not going out to restaurants, putting a herculean effort into curbing their PDA, and always retreating to Zoey’s house for sleepovers. Anita had been quiet save for a few “all’s good!” emails (how she’d gotten Zoey’s email, she’d never been able to figure out) and Charlie’s upcoming wedding had fallen off the gossip radar slightly. And while they’d agreed right now that it was still best to keep this as quiet as possible, Zoey had been starting to get antsy about at least telling her family. 

“I want you to meet them.” She finally said, holding her breath. 

Joan was silent. 

“I…I think it’s the right time…” Zoey continued. “I mean, things are going well…and we’d have to tell them eventually…right?”

Still silence.

“Joan, I want you to be part of my life…and my parents and brother are hardly the type to gossip.”

“Zoey…think about this.”

“I have. A lot. And I know you have too.” Joan had been dropping hints about how okay she was if Zoey needed to take a night to visit her family for the better part of the last two weeks. “If it makes you feel any better, my mom was thrilled to learn I was dating someone!”

Joan scoffed. “And let me guess; her first thought was messenger bag?”

Zoey blinked. “Yes…how’d you…?”

“Zoey…” Joan sounded disappointed, which Zoey had trouble justifying. 

“I told her I was dating a woman!” She insisted. 

“How’d that go over?”

“Really well…” That was still sinking in. “Both of them were really supportive of me officially coming out.”

Joan breathed a sigh of relief. “So they’re okay with you dating _me_?”

“Uhhh,” Zoey fidgeted. “…well I may have left out many details…”

“Like?” Joan prodded. 

“Like the fact that you’re older than me…” She sagged, “and my boss…”

Joan sighed, this one sounded less relaxing. “Zoey…” Zoey waited, expecting a Song. Joan had been Singing quite a lot lately, now that she was finally giving into her feelings and opening up to Zoey more.

But Joan was quiet again and Zoey wished they had FaceTimed so she could analyze her expression.

“Just, I wont force you…” she continued, as Joan’s silence dragged on. “but…think about it?”

Joan huffed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She hung up.

Zoey fiddled with her phone, biting her lip. 

* * *

“ _Galaxy Falling_ or pick up where we left off in the _Clone Wars_ episodes?”

Zoey placed the bowl of popcorn down, face screwed up. “I say _Clone Wars_ …I’m not…emotionally prepared for _Gal-Fa_ yet.”

Joan smirked, fiddling with the remote. “Not ‘emotionally ready’ to see Altheria’s legs in the new suit?” She chuckled as Zoey’s face turned a brilliant shade of red.

“They left her character in a really precarious place last season!” Zoey sputtered, doing a terrible job of hiding how flustered she was. “I am not ready to see her suffer more!”

“But you’re more than ready to jump on the anti-hero wagon now that she’s bi…”

“Hey!” Zoey protested, plunking herself down next to Joan and poking her shoulder. “I’ve been a fan of hers since her debut in _Through the Darkness_! High-school Zoey was a card-carrying member of the Avion Angels _before_ it was cool!”

Joan’s smirk stretched into a malicious grin. “So, you’ve always had a thing for older women then?”

Zoey stared at her, bug-eyed and silent, which of course only made the whole thing a hundred times cuter. Joan wanted so badly to kiss her. It still thrilled her that all it now took was to simply lean forward.

Zoey sputtered in surprise but welcomed the quick kiss. “What was that for?”

“Oh, nothing.” Joan leaned back, unable to stop smiling. “So, ready for the Mortis arc?”

Zoey blinked several times, a comical look and an adorable blush on her face as she adjusted her seat. 

They were setting up shop on Zoey’s couch, ready for another night of domesticity followed by some mild-to-intense fooling around. It had become a regular occurrence for them and Joan was loving it. For so long, she’d done these things alone. Now she had Zoey to fill the cold silence.

Regaining some dignity, Zoey started the episode and handed Joan her own bowl for popcorn and a napkin. They had gotten very comfortable with being in each others’ space very quickly. It certainly helped that all of their meetups had to take place at Zoey’s apartment, since the odd tech blogger was still occasionally caught sniffing around Joan’s house. But their familiarity at the conference had granted them a level of comfort in all things domestic and Joan found that, while she still valued her nights alone, spending time with Zoey was never a burden or unwelcome.

She glanced around Zoey’s apartment as Zoey leaned into her, already engrossed in the episode.

It already looked more homey. Within a week, she had bought Zoey a coffee maker, a better toaster, and the duvet currently covering them. All just little things to show the younger woman how much she appreciated her for putting up with this bullshit around hiding their relationship.

The list had been longer but Zoey had negotiated her down. No matter how much she clearly liked the idea of an indoor hot tub, she claimed it didn’t feel right to let Joan buy her one.

_The Alter of Mortis_ was one of Joan’s favorite episodes of the _Clone Wars_. But for the first time, she had no interest in watching it. Her attention was entirely on Zoey and all of her miniscule movements and reactions. 

“What is it?” Zoey finally asked, some ten minutes in, as she noticed Joan watching her. 

Joan just leaned in to kiss her again. Because she never wanted to stop kissing Zoey and this was absurd. She was almost fifty and had been married for two decades. But knowing that she had the freedom to kiss the younger woman turned her right back into a horny teenager. 

Zoey groaned into her mouth as Joan’s hands wandered under the duvet, finding Zoey’s hips. She pulled the coder closer, Zoey somehow taking her motion and using it to straddle her. 

“Wh…what are you doing?” Joan murmured, lips already on Zoey’s neck.

Zoey gasped, hips already grinding. “Take a wild guess….”

Grinning, Joan inched her hands up Zoey’s shirt, pausing to gently tickle the coder’s sensitive spots on her sides.

“Wait…” Zoey panted, breaking away. “wait, pause it.” She gestured towards the tv.

Joan obliged, “Scared you’ll miss your Ahsoka Tano fix?” she teased, hands returning to Zoey’s midriff.

“Worried about missing another great Obi-wan-liner?” Zoey returned, pupils already blown with arousal. She reached between them and in one fluid motion, tugged Joan’s shirt free and up above her breasts. 

Joan rolled her eyes, one hand going to the back of Zoey’s head as the younger woman leaned down to kiss her chest. 

For the past month, Zoey had been simply insatiable. It didn’t surprise Joan: Zoey was young and in her sexual prime, it was only right that she had a healthy sex drive. Joan was hardly in a dry spell herself after the dissatisfaction of her last few years of marriage. But what did surprise her was that Zoey was mainly focused on giving to Joan, rather than on her own receiving.

She was hardly complaining. But it did seem a little odd to her.

Zoey groaned as she wriggled under the duvet, lips trailing a path down Joan’s body as her hand inched up. Joan gasped as Zoey traced her stomach. 

Shirts were quickly abandoned, sweatpants wriggled out of and Joan was soon biting into Zoey’s shoulder to keep herself from crying out too loudly. While Mo made a lovely breakfast, he was also prone to calling them out for fooling around too close to the door. Joan wasn’t in the mood for another knowing eyebrow raise and accompanying snarky comment when she left in the morning. 

Joan exhaled, her body rippling. While she’d been distracted, Zoey had slipped her mouth around one of her nipples. 

To retaliate, Joan slid two fingers inside of Zoey and listened to her gasp. 

Moments later, they were both coming completely undone. 

As the high faded, they both just lay there, basking in the warmth and safety of the aftermath. Joan’s back was complaining from her position on the couch but she valiantly ignored it. Zoey’s head was on her naked chest and nothing else mattered. 

Zoey traced Joan’s bare stomach. “Have you given any more thought to meeting my parents?” She asked.

Despite her best efforts, Joan stiffened. 

Curled as she was around her, Zoey of course, felt it and plowed on: “I know it’s a really weird time to meet them…I mean, it would be difficult even without my dad…being how he is right now…but still…I’d love for you to meet him.” She chuckled. “He gets along with everyone…first time he met Max, Max had just accidentally broken our fence by trying to climb over it to retrieve a soccer ball…”

The mention of her secret nemesis only had her stiffening further. She knew Zoey didn’t mean to, but reminding her that _MAX_ already had a beloved place with Zoey’s family only made her dislike of him intensify and her own hesitancy flare into full on insecurity.

“I’m sure they’re great…” She finally replied, as Zoey paused in some story about Max spilling soda, “I just…I’m not ready.” Even as she admitted it, her chest flushed with shame.

“Joan,” Zoey sat up just enough that she could look her in the eyes. “I think it’s time they knew…don’t you?”

She couldn’t help the sigh. It was just self-preservation. Joan had been afraid of this moment; terrified of the instant when Zoey realized one of the many limits she had.

With Charlie, such instances had always entailed a brief fight followed by his own carefully rationalized argument as to why he was in the right. Over the years, they had stopped fighting; Charlie instead assuming a supreme indifference to anything she suggested or any qualm she raised, know that she would agree on her own eventually.

Joan stroked Zoey’s arm. Zoey was so different; so new, so dangerously encouraging and so hard to say no to. But she had promised herself: Zoey would not become another Charlie. She was going to make her needs known but Zoey’s needs came first, to hell with her own.

“It’s not that I don’t want people to know…” she began, fighting hard not to sound defensive. “it’s that I don’t want the public to know.”

“So let’s not tell the public!” Zoey insisted, pushing herself up on her elbows. “let’s just tell our family and friends!”

Joan shook her head. She wished she had Zoey’s level of trust and optimism. “Zoey…I know you trust a lot but…I don’t. And the more people we tell, the greater the chance that one of them lets it slip or betrays us for money.” She’d had one too many run-ins with the vultures to risk it again.

Zoey cocked her head, staring at her like a very intelligent and very concerned dog. “Joan,” She asked softly. “how long has it been since you’ve had…family in your life?”

Joan shivered, knowing Zoey could feel it. How did she do that? Sometimes, Joan swore Zoey could see right into her soul. It was honestly a little unnerving.

“Not counting Charlie? About 15 years.”

Zoey nodded, face drawn down in a compelling expression of empathy. “Well then…don’t you have friends you want to tell?”

“Not…not really.”

The face deepened. 

“Joan…”

“Can we just…” She bit her lip, hating herself. “Not talk about this tonight?”

Zoey’s eyes slid sideways briefly, going out of focus. Joan stroked her arm, waiting out the seconds until Zoey returned to her. When she did, Zoey’s eyes were pinched in thought. “Y…yeah. Yeah.”

And there she went again: being so understanding and accommodating. Joan was buying her that hot tub. Zoey could keep it on the roof.

Zoey laid back down, head settling between Joan’s breasts again. She reached over and retrieved the remote to restart their episode. Anakin Skywalker fought the temptation of the Dark Side and lost.

Joan stroked Zoey’s torso under the duvet as they watched their show. Outwardly, she was calm. Inwardly, her mind was turning in dangerous circles.

_It’s time._

_I’m not ready._

_You’ll never be ready._

_You have to. For her._

Joan kissed Zoey’s forehead. Zoey smiled up at her; so trusting, so understanding, so goddamned patient. 

_God, I don’t deserve her…_

It was a sentiment she could never voice, for fear of losing Zoey’s respect and esteem. How was she supposed to admit that until the moment Zoey had asked about her marital issues, she hadn’t had a single person she could call a friend? Her and Claudia had been estranged. Anita was paid for her services and barely counted. Ava actively hated her, along with most other women at the company. She worked so much she had no social activities. Until Zoey, she’d had no one to share anything with. 

And it wasn’t that she didn’t want to meet Zoey’s family, to see further into her…person’s life. It was just that she didn’t know how. It had been over twenty years since she’d had to ‘meet the parents’ and honestly, at her age, she’d assumed she’d never have to again.

And underneath all that, she worried. What was Zoey’s family going to say when they learned that _she_ was the one dating their daughter? A recently-divorced, almost 50, barely-comfortable-with-her-sexuality, pseudo-celebrity with issues into next week?

How long until Zoey learned just how broken and difficult she was?

She glanced down again. Zoey’s head was still resting on her chest but her eyes had gone blank. She might have been staring at the screen. Or off in whatever world she went to when she got like this. In moments like this, Joan wished she could follow her. It was lonely, being left behind.

She hadn’t had time to notice before the conference but now that she was living alone in her empty house, the feeling of emptiness was really starting to hit her. Being around Zoey was the only thing that chased that feeling away. 

_I have no one but Zoey…_

And that thought was terrifying. 

She pulled Zoey closer, threading her fingers through the coder’s hair and basking in her scent. 

So, in a way, her hand was already forced, wasn’t it?

* * *

Zoey debated with herself the whole 50 feet.

Simon Haynes (marketing manager extraordinaire and son grieving his father) was actually really great at giving advice, not just about her dad but about being a manager and connecting with people. 

But he was literally the last person who should know about her and Joan. Or even have a hint that they were a possibility.

While Zoey trusted him to keep the secret (he wasn’t prone to gossip and despite his work in the influence spheres, didn’t care for celebrity news or scandals) she also knew he harbored more than platonic thoughts about her sometimes. And she didn’t want to throw Joan into the middle of that particular mess. Max’s feelings were hard enough to navigate. She didn’t need Joan worrying that yet another man was possibly going to steal her away.

But she needed to talk to _someone_. And Joan was out. She wasn’t about to go running back to her mom until she found the words to drop at least the age bomb. So she found herself knocking on his office door and leaning herself inside. 

“Hey.” She greeted. “How do you get someone you care about to do something difficult that will ultimately be really good for them?”

Simon glanced up, brightening instantly as he noticed her. His face pinched in a comical frown. “Is this a riddle?”

She shook her head. “No. I genuinely need advice.”

Simon laughed and beckoned her inside. “Okay well…I’ve found it’s always good to start with where they’re coming from.”

“Yup. Next.”

“So you know why this person doesn’t want to do this difficult thing?”

Zoey grimaced. “Let’s just say a lot of insecurity is involved…”

“Ahh…the eternal foe.” Simon stood, pacing around to sit on the edge of his desk. “Good old insecurity…”

“I just…I need them to see themselves the way I see them.” Zoey admitted. “The way the world sees them. Not the way they think they are…inside their head.” She winced. “If that makes…any kind of sense?”

To her relief, Simon nodded. “Most people have a deeply engrained sense of themselves.” He replied, his voice smoothing as he delved into his wisdom. “And for most of us…not all of the parts we know are pretty.”

Zoey nodded. She could certainly tell that Joan and even Simon had parts of themselves they disliked or felt insecure about. Simon’s was his repressed grief about his father. 

She wondered what those parts of herself would be. She’d never really thought about it before. So long as there was work to be done, introspection could wait.

Zoey bit her lip. Still maybe it wasn’t the best idea to…

“You just have to prove to them that you know them as well as they know themselves.” Simon continued, patting her leg. “And that you like the version you see and want what’s best for them.”

Zoey nodded, mind instantly seizing upon the task Simon presented. 

For Joan…she knew that Joan had insecurities about her infertility and the perception others in their field had about her. But this seemed to run deeper than that. She couldn’t imagine that Joan’s feelings about work had anything to do with her hesitancy to meet Zoey’s parents. Her Song the previous night had struck an odd chord (pun very much intended); as if Joan was hiding something darker and ashamed of even thinking about it.

But still, Simon’s words had set her mind to work. She was starting to formulate a plan. A way to prove to Joan that she knew her and that she liked what she knew. 

Zoey smiled at him. “Thank you.” She couldn’t even begin to word how grateful she was to have Simon in her life now. He’d turned into quite the reliable friend for tough advice, not to mention his first-hand experience with losing a father. It had truly been a gift to be able to connect with him - a gift that both of them had needed. And as much as she hated to think about it, Zoey knew she was going to need him more and more as her father’s time inevitably ran out. But she wasn’t sure how Joan would take that.

Simon seemed to read her thoughts on her face. 

“I’m always here Zoey. For…” his face softened, “whatever you need…” Soft music began to play and Zoey panicked. _No, no no…_

“Can…I tell you a secret then?” She blurted out, possibly louder than she meant to.

Simon cocked his head but the music ceased. He nodded.

Zoey took a deep breath, wondering if this deflection would turn out to be wise in the long run. “I actually…I’m seeing someone.” She admitted. “Someone…we’re dating?” She hated that it had to be a question. 

“Really? That’s…great.” Zoey couldn’t ignore the slight pause in his response. “Is it Max?”

She tensed. “What? No, why the hell does everyone immediately think Max and I are dating?!” She snapped her mouth shut as her voice rose towards shouting.

Simon chuckled. “Sorry, I just…I know you two are close…and I just assumed.”

“It’s fine…it…” She took a deep breath, deciding it was better to just get it all out. “I’m actually dating a woman.”

“Ooh!” His voice rose unnaturally high.

Zoey immediately tensed. “Oh?”

Simon held up his hands, placating her. “Sorry: oh.” He gave her a bright smile. “That’s new! So you’re…?”

“Bi.” Zoey replied, part of her glad that he’d gotten past his surprise so quickly. “And before you say anything, Max already knows.”

“About the sexuality thing or about the dating thing?”

“Just the sexuality thing…” She looked away. “I…haven’t quite figured out how to tell him about the dating thing yet.”

Simon’s eyebrows rose and Zoey couldn’t ignore the little smirk on his face. “Oh, so you know that he…”

She turned back to him. “That he what?”

“Well…” Simon chuckled, “Honestly, it’s kind of an inside joke with the marketing team. Apparently someone on the engineering team mentioned to one of my guys that you two are joined at the hip and it started this whole thing to see if you two were actually dating…” He laughed, now sounding slightly uncomfortable. “…there’s a betting pool actually…”

“I don’t like Max like that.” Zoey insisted, unable to hear anything more about how apparently _everyone_ in her life was just placing bets and waiting for her and Max to get together. First her mother, now the entire marketing team? And apparently her whole team as well?

“But does _he_ know that?” Simon inquired. 

“…no.” Zoey admitted, feeling bad. “I mean, it’s never come up! We don’t…talk about things like that.” Well, she didn’t. Max Sang plenty and made a lot of jokes about how deep their friendship went. Although, Zoey realized, not all of those may have been jokes…

She closed her eyes. She was going to have to make a plan for Max too…

Simon tapped her leg until she opened her eyes. “Zoey…I know it’s tough, but he clearly has feelings for you.” He pursed his lips and Zoey could read his feelings on his face even without a Song. “Ignoring them isn’t going to make them go away...”

“But I’m dating someone!” She insisted. 

“So tell him that. Let him down easy that way.” He glanced away for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts. For a second, Zoey was worried he was about to Sing. But Simon finally turned back to her, eyebrows raised. “So do I get to know who the special woman is?”

“Not yet. We’re…keeping things quiet at the moment.” But deep down, Zoey couldn’t wait for when the time came for her to finally tell him. It would be so nice to be able to talk about her new relationship without fear of hurting his feelings. She really wanted to keep Simon in her life; both because of his knowledge of loss and because he was fast turning into a great friend. And where, in the past she’d craved it, she hoped that the less-than-platonic pull between them lessened without the need for breaking any hearts. But that was probably too much to hope.

“Okay, well my door’s always open for when you’re ready to share.” Simon offered. “Let me know how this ‘difficult thing’ goes with her!”

“She…I asked her to meet my family.”

Simon’s eyebrows jumped up again. “Oh…” He pursed his lips in thought. “So you two have been…together for a while…?”

“I…” Zoey stopped herself before she said anything. She couldn’t give him too many hints. Otherwise, it wouldn’t take much for him to work out just who her lady was. “No…but…but I think it’s time.”

Simon still didn’t seem convinced. He was eyeing her skeptically. 

“I just…” Zoey swallowed, somehow more nervous than when she’d entered. “I need to know that this is the right choice. I mean, I shouldn’t wait…right? I need to introduce her to my dad before…”

“Zoey,” he gently cut her off. “You should let her meet your dad.”

She smiled, relief rushing through her. “Thanks Simon.”

* * *

As soon as she saw Zoey slip into Simon’s office, all of Joan’s concentration went right out the window.

She went to autopilot for her investor’s meeting, letting Trisha from accounting take over to quote numbers and speculate about returns. 

_What is she doing with him?_

She couldn’t keep the vitriol out of the thought. 

It was a pity really that Simon had befriended Zoey: that meant Joan had a valid reason to distrust him. Even prior to her crush, their sudden and seemingly very intimate friendship had bothered Joan. No one just became close that quickly without something untoward going on. 

Of course, then she’d gotten to actually know Zoey (and fallen head over heels for her) and realized that that was just Zoey’s way. She thrust herself into your life very suddenly and didn’t take the first opportunity to politely retreat. Besides, it was pretty clear once Joan had got a closer look that they weren’t sleeping together. Not that Simon wasn’t clearly putting _all_ the vibes out there. 

So she wanted to believe that their friendship was just that, and that Zoey had her reasons for maintaining such an obvious close relationship with the marketing manager. She trusted Zoey, so she knew nothing would happen with Simon, at least not while they were together. But she couldn’t help hating the soft smiles the marketing manager had for Zoey, or his multiple unnecessary trips over to her desk every week. He behaved like only he was worthy of her full attention, and that his attention was gift-wrapped specially for her over anyone else. 

_He would meet her parents in a heartbeat._

The pointed thought unsettled her. They would love him: Zoey’s mom would probably start immediately planning their wedding. Her stomach clenched at the thought of Zoey in white, walking towards a beaming Simon at the alter. _They_ would make a perfect couple. No one would bat an eye at them. Tabloids would eat it up without a word against them.

Joan cut the meeting short, already walking out. 

She wasn’t going to keep Zoey if she didn’t at least try. And after all, this was inevitable. She’d just have to take the inevitable humiliation.

She intercepted Zoey just before Zoey could settle herself back at her desk. “Zoey, I have a uh…a work thing…” She covered, ignoring the programmers that momentarily stiffened at her appearance. She turned to go back to her office and only realized several steps later that Zoey was just staring at her, rather than following. “Come, come on!”

Joan finally safely tucked Zoey into her office, her stomach churning with nerves as Zoey gave her a questioning look. 

“I lied, it’s not about work.” She folded her hands in front of her. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Tonight?” Zoey smirked. “I think I’m free.” Her eyes roamed Joan up and down, tongue poking out between her lips. “Did you have something particular in mind?

Once again, Joan struggled to concentrate. “Yeah. I…I think it’s time I met the family.”

She had to. Her hands were tied.


	7. I think about you day and night

Zoey didn’t let go of Joan’s hand the whole way from the car to the door. While Joan didn’t Sing, Zoey could tell that she appreciated the gesture.

After parting ways at work, Joan had picked Zoey up in one of her innumerable chauffeured cars to take them to Zoey’s childhood home. 

“You’re sure it’s okay that I’m dropping in at the last minute?” Joan asked again. 

Zoey sighed, reaching for Joan’s other hand, which was clutched around a large bouquet of carnations and lily-of-the-valley. Zoey had tried to tell her that she didn’t need to bring anything but after the third insistence, she gave up. If it made Joan feel the slightest bit more comfortable, what was the harm? “Joan, it’s fine. Really.” She smiled. “My mom was really excited on the phone. And I know my dad’s eager to meet you.” She squeezed Joan’s hands and opened the door. 

Butterflies were jockeying for positions in her heart and her stomach and she was infinitely glad Joan couldn’t hear her thoughts.

“Mom!” Zoey called, her voice shaking slightly. “We’re here!” She immediately crossed the room and planted herself next her dad. “Hi dad.” She wrapped him in a hug. He grunted softly, leaning into her and Zoey felt the worst edge of her worry fade away. She almost started crying at how good he smelled. 

Pulling herself back, she gestured Joan forward. “This…is Joan.” She leaned closer and stage whispered to him. “The one I told you about.” He huffed, clicking his buzzer once. 

Joan walked over and kneeled beside Zoey so she could look him in the eye. “It…it’s…very nice to meet you…” Joan glanced to Zoey, lost. 

“Mitch.”

Joan smiled. “Mitch.” 

To her surprise, Mitch reached out with a limp hand and touched Joan’s finger. Joan shot Zoey another glance but didn’t back away. Her face was going through a mix of complex emotions that Zoey couldn’t place. But she knew that one day very soon, she would understand each one. 

_Isn’t she lovely?_

Zoey jumped slightly but smiled instantly as her father’s face came back to life. Mitch turned to her, now lifting Joan’s hand to plant a soft kiss on her knuckles. He shot Zoey a proud wink.

_Isn’t she wonderful?_  
 _Isn’t she preciou_ s?

His Song ended as quickly as it had begun. But it carried all the acceptance and care that Zoey had been craving.

“He’s…” she choked up and had to swallow, “he’s glad to meet you…”

Her dad hit his buzzer in agreement, mouth turning up just slightly in a smile and Joan relaxed ever so slightly. 

“Th..thank you Mitch.” She placed a hand over his. “I’m…I’m very glad to meet you as well.”

Zoey stroked her father’s other hand. It was so hard; seeing him come alive like he had once been all the time with her powers, only to have him instantly return to his current state. But she was glad for the assurance that he was okay with this. 

“Zoey? Is that you I hear?” Her mother’s voice had both women jumping, Zoey clinging to her father tightly in some desperate hope that his acceptance would permeate through to her mother’s reaction.

Maggie entered the room, smiling brightly. “Welcome, welcome! Oh…”

Zoey’s heart thrummed in her ears as her mother caught sight of Joan and her smile faltered. She stood, putting herself right next to Joan. “Mom…” she began. “this is my…the woman I’m seeing…” she pursed her lips, knowing her mom would clock the careful choice of words, “…Joan.”

Maggie’s brow furrowed, obviously trying to place where she’d heard that name before. Zoey winced when she finally saw the pieces come together. Her mother's face went to stone.

“Right…Joan.” Maggie gave her a stiff smile and held out her hand. “So nice to finally meet you…Zoey’s mentioned you before…”

“S…she has.” Joan glanced at Zoey and Zoey caught something like pride in her eyes. “A…all good things? I…I hope?”

Maggie didn’t offer an answer. She was still looking Joan over, sizing her up.

Wordlessly, Joan thrust the bouquet forward. 

“Ahhh,” Zoey jumped in, grasping for the change in subject. “yes, I told her she didn’t need to bring anything but, Joan wouldn’t take no for an answer! So…so…she brought….flowers….” She laughed nervously as both women stared at her. Seeing them side by side, she had to admit that they did look terrifyingly close in age.

“Thank you.” Maggie took the flowers, looking them over with a judgmental air and Joan bristled slightly. Zoey kicked herself for not thinking to tell Joan that her parents were landscape designers so of course flowers were going to be judged. Still, this was highly unlike her mother. She was polite to a fault and never spurned a gift…

Maggie deposited the flowers in an empty vase before turning quite suddenly to Zoey. 

“Zoey can I speak with you in the kitchen?”

Zoey was starting to get a very unsettling feeling from whatever was going on here. “Mom, you can say what you want to both of us.” She insisted. She reached for Joan’s hand but Joan pulled her hand out of reach. 

Maggie’s eyes jumped to the action instantly. “Zoey…” she began, in a strange tone of voice, “you…you didn’t tell me you were dating your _boss_.”

The sheer amount of weight that her mother put on the word made Zoey squirm like she was about to be grounded. 

“No…no I didn’t.” She admitted. “I…I was waiting for the right time…?” But even as she said it, she knew it sounded pathetic. 

Glancing her way, Joan stepped forward. “Look, Mrs. Clarke…” 

Zoey stared as no correction followed the honorific. Her mom let everyone call her Maggie…she _insisted_ on it.

Unaware of the discrepancy, Joan was soldiering on. “I know this must seem…odd, the two of us together. But I can assure you that I didn’t intend for this to happen.”

Maggie rounded on her. “Oh no? What did you intend?” There was anger in her voice, real anger. Zoey stared. What the hell was happening?

It was a testament to her years as a tough leader that Joan stood her ground. But her voice still shook as she replied. “I…I had no intention of…courting your daughter…I…I was perfectly content to just, wallow in my feelings for her…” She gave Zoey a small smile. “But…but Zoey was very insistent.”

But instead of placating her, the statement only seemed to stoke Maggie’s anger further. “Zoey?” She demanded, rounding on her. 

Zoey blushed, unable to stop the small smile, even as her stomach twisted in fear. “It…it’s true. When I found out how Joan felt about me…a lot of things suddenly made sense.”

Maggie was staring between them like she couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. “And…and people know about this?” She finally asked. Joan bristled again, glancing away. 

“Well…” Zoey flinched as her mom turned her disappointed stare on her. “…only Mo knows…and a friend of Joan’s.”

Maggie gestured vaguely at Joan. “Does her husband?”

They both frowned. “My husband…?”

Zoey laughed. “No…why would we tell…?” But as she glanced between her mother’s suddenly horrified expression and Joan’s closed eyes, Zoey realized her mistake. 

_Wait…what the fuck?_

“Are you two having an affair?!” Maggie cried, folding her arms, her face twisting in disgust and disappointment.

They both answered, talking over each other and disturbed at the thought.

“What? What no!”

“I’m divorced.”

“For how long?”

“Mom!”

Joan held up a hand. “It’s alright Zoey…” she turned back to Maggie, squaring her shoulders. “…about two months.”

Maggie straightened up as well. “And how long have you two been…seeing each other?”

“…Just under a month and a half…” Joan admitted. 

Maggie turned back to Zoey, her mouth open. “Zoey…”

“Mom, mom it’s nothing like that!” Zoey insisted, horrified at both the implication and that her mother thought her capable of such a thing. She stifled an incredulous laugh. “I didn’t break up Joan’s marriage…”

Joan made an odd noise, almost a refutation.

Maggie pounced on it instantly. “Even if you didn’t, can’t you see how this looks, Zoey?”

Zoey struggled to find her words, her brain still stuck on her mother’s deeply out-of-character reaction to all of this. But of course that had been where her mother’s mind immediately went. After all, the last time she’d brought up Joan by name in conversation had been around the whole _Satisfaction_ and day drinking incident. She’d never mentioned the divorce; aiming to protect Joan’s privacy.   
“Mom, look.” Zoey finally began, before Joan could jump to her defense. “It…it wasn’t anything untoward. I had to convince Joan to date me; _after_ she and her husband signed their divorce papers.”

Joan nodded, seemingly finding her voice again. “Everything was finalized. And honestly, it had been over between us for years…Zoey just made me see that I was deeply unhappy pretending that it wasn’t.”

Zoey stared, wondering if Joan had realized that without context, that sounded exactly like her mother’s biggest fears. 

Maggie took a deep breath, looking ready to pounce on Joan again. But she seemed to think better of it and instead turned her gaze back on Zoey. Zoey shriveled further under the disappointment there. “Zoey, you know that I have no issue with you dating whoever you like…but think about what this looks like? What others are going to say when they find out about you two?”

“We’re keeping it quiet for now.” Zoey insisted. 

“You can’t keep it quiet forever!” Maggie exclaimed, her voice rising.

“You think we don’t know that?” 

“This isn’t like you, Zoey…this is irresponsible and short-sighted…”

“Don’t you think Zoey is capable of making her own choices?”

The two of them shut up instantly, startled at Joan’s sudden outburst. Zoey gaped. 

There must be something in the air tonight because this was not at all how she had anticipated this introduction going. Her mother should have been surprised but sweet, gently welcoming a stiff and awkward Joan into conversation and teasing them about the age gap.

But clearly, this visit had touched on something ugly from both of them. But just why, Zoey couldn’t figure out. And her powers were providing no insight.

“Of course she’s capable.” Maggie shot back. “So long as it’s _her_ choice.”

“We chose this together.” Joan snapped, “I didn’t force her into anything; we both know the risks and we’re willing to live with them until we can go public.”

Maggie shrugged. “And when is that time going to come?”

Joan was silent, looking slightly nauseous. 

The room echoed with the ticks of the hall clock. Zoey heard a soft grunt as her dad shifted slightly on the couch. 

After a long pause, Joan turned away. “This was a mistake.” She looked away, messing with her purse, her voice sounding strange. “I’m sorry Zoey, but I should go.”

“No, Joan.” Zoey rounded on her mother, angry tears pricking the corners of her eyes. “ **WE** should go.” 

Maggie sighed, tilting her head. “Zoey…”

But Zoey had heard enough. If her mom really felt that way, well, there wasn’t much else to say, was there? She tapped Joan’s arm. “Let’s go.”

Joan was staring at her but Zoey was too upset and angry to notice her expression. Zoey marched back over to the sofa and gave her father another fierce hug. “I love you dad.” She whispered, “Thank you for understanding.”

Her dad huffed in her ear and she wished more than anything that he could speak once more. He would have known how to fix this.

Without turning around to look at her mother, she took Joan’s hand and lead them out of the house.

* * *

Zoey didn’t say a word the whole trip back to her apartment. Joan had ordered another car, intending to just make sure the younger woman got home safely. But she followed Zoey out of the car as they pulled up to the building. She paid the driver, factoring in a generous tip and waved him away, not thinking anything of it. 

They stood together on the street, hands in pockets, not looking at each other. Joan kept replaying the dramatic exit from the Clarke household in her head, hating herself more each time she remembered how she’d lost her temper. 

She had to say something. Zoey wasn’t looking at her. 

“I’m…I’m sorry.” She finally managed, after swallowing several times. “I really fucked everything up…I said something wrong or...”

Zoey shook her head. “No Joan, don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

Zoey’s face softened slightly around her angry eyes. “Don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault.” She reached out and took Joan’s hand again. “It’s just…she overreacted.”

“Did she?” Joan thought back, mind recalling Maggie Clarke’s distrustful expressions. “Zoey, think about it from her perspective…”

“I don’t care about the age gap or the power dynamic.” Zoey spat. “And for the record, _I don’t care_ that you’re recently divorced either. And neither should she.” Zoey huffed, clearly agitated. “All my life, all they’ve ever told me is that they want me to be happy…why…” she shook her head, “…why can’t she see that I’m already happy with you?”

Her heart swelled. “Zoey…” She could see a dangerous path here: one in which Zoey chose her and only her forever. She could see a late-night phone call going unanswered out of spite and the scar that it would leave for the rest of the young coder’s life. “Zoey…they’re your family. You can’t give them up for me.” She created a hole in that path; an opening through which Zoey would slip and be lost to her forever.

Zoey inhaled, her exhale long and shaky. “I know…I’m not…I just…I need some space…my mom’s never said anything like that to me before…or been so openly…hostile to anyone…and…”

Joan squeezed her hand. No matter what Zoey said, she still knew that it was her fault. However little, she’d fractured Zoey’s relationship with her mother and now, Zoey would always have that horrible memory. And assuming that they stayed together, she and Maggie would continue to be a source of stress for the young coder. 

_Oh Zoey, why did you have to chose me?_

None of the other options in her life, male or female would give the redhead this much grief and stress during this difficult time. Joan desperately wanted to be enough. As Mo had said: be there all the way. But she kept screwing things up.

Zoey was stroking her knuckles, as if reading her thoughts. But her expression still reeked of sadness and anger. 

“Do you…want to… to…” Joan cleared her throat. “…talk about it?”

The coder sighed, glancing up at Joan. “For tonight…can we just…?”

Joan understood. She bent down and wrapped Zoey up in a tight embrace. Their lips met and Zoey moaned softly into her mouth. Joan trembled, already effortlessly turned on. She didn’t want to wallow in her most recent fuckup. She wanted to bask in the warmth and comfort of this and not feel like a failure for a little while. Zoey was good at that.

“Upstairs…” Zoey murmured. It wasn’t smart to be kissing outside. Anita would have their heads if she found out.

They climbed to Zoey’s apartment, taking their time so they could just soak in each other instead. Something had shifted between them with the visit. But Joan wasn’t quite sure if it was a good shift or a bad shift yet.

The door clicked shut behind them and Joan turned to find Zoey already reaching back to unzip her dress. Her mouth went dry. Her instant response dried up on her tongue and she groped for something to do. 

She struggled with Zoey’s coat, letting it fall to the floor and kissed the spot on Zoey’s neck that made the coder melt. 

Zoey wrapped herself around Joan, already kissing every part of her she could reach. Her lips drew agonizing heat to her skin wherever they touched. Joan pulled Zoey into an embrace, nudging her cheek until the coder’s lips met hers again and spread that fire inside. 

She carried Zoey to the bedroom, the path well-ingrained in her mind by now. 

She could at least do this. She could be the release and distraction that Zoey needed without screwing anything else up.

They entered Zoey’s bedroom naked, the last of their clothes not making it over the threshold. Joan eased Zoey back onto the bed, hands curling around her coder’s perky little breasts.

Zoey threaded her hands behind Joan’s neck, pulling her head down. She moaned as Joan took a nipple in her mouth, sliding her tongue around the peak.

Joan let her hands wander, tracing now familiar paths that she still couldn’t believe were no longer imaginary. She had been so sure Daytona had been a fluke. A one time fantasy never to be relived again. But Zoey had chosen her to do this. To see her at a low point and still trust her to be enough. 

She tickled the sensitive spot on Zoey’s ribcage, earning her an adorable squeak. Smirking, Joan wrapped her arm around Zoey’s waist, pulling them close together. Zoey nuzzled her neck, hips already starting to grind against her thigh. 

Joan slid a hand between them, fingers tangling down in Zoey’s patch of hair. She knew Zoey liked her tongue but she didn’t want to move away from her. She wanted Zoey to feel her here, to let her know that she wasn’t alone.

Zoey moaned as Joan began to tease her entrance. The coder grabbed Joan’s thigh, wrapping the older woman closer around her. Joan obliged, the action drawing her fingers inside. She curled her hand, knowing just where Zoey’s best spots were.

Zoey gasped, twitching impatiently as Joan thrust slowly. Her hips rocked against Joan’s hand and the coder lay her head on Joan’s shoulder. 

It took a lot of gentle coaxing and more than a few soft nibbles on her coder’s neck but Zoey finally came undone with a cry, melting further into Joan. 

But as Zoey collapsed against her, Joan realized that it wasn’t just an orgasm. Zoey was crying, loudly and messily.

“Uhhh…”

She didn’t know what to do, what she’d done wrong now. 

But as Zoey gasped and hugged her tighter, Joan realized that these weren’t tears of anger or pain. 

She pulled her fingers out of Zoey’s core so she could cradle the woman in her arms again. 

“Zoey…what…what is it?”

Zoey sniffed, her face red. “Sss…ssorryy.” She sobbed, between deep breaths. “I…I just…I just…” She pressed her face into Joan’s shoulder. 

Joan held her for a long while, so long that her arm started to feel numb and prickly. She didn’t know if it was helping. Zoey just wouldn’t stop crying. 

But unlike how Zoey had handled her post-orgasm crying, Joan didn’t have the faintest idea of what to do. She thought vaguely of getting her a tissue but Zoey wouldn’t let her move, much less leave. She tried to think of anything to say but came up blank. So she just let Zoey bury her face in her skin and sob. 

After the longest time, Zoey finally came up for air. The coder turned her tear-streaked face upward, staring up a Joan like a lost puppy.

“You uh…you okay?” Joan mentally kicked herself for the stupid question. _Of course_ Zoey wasn’t okay.

But to her utter astonishment, Zoey laughed. It was soft and humorless and just the slightest bit self-deprecating.

“I’m a mess.” Zoey moaned. “I don’t know why you put up with me…”

“Well, the sex is a good perk…”

Her dry comment, a reflexive response by this point, had the coder laughing again, for real this time and Joan breathed a soft sigh of relief.

Zoey hugged her tighter. “Joan, you’re the only thing in my life that gives me any kind of peace right now…” She admitted. Her voice went watery, her eye starting to leak again. “I…I just…”

Joan gently shushed her, stroking her head. She knew just how hard it was; putting on an okay face for the world while your world was falling apart. And Zoey somehow managed a pleasant, cheery face most of the time. 

Zoey relaxed at the motion, settling back against Joan’s shoulder. “I just…it’s so much…it’s so hard.”

“It’s okay Zoey, I understand.” She nuzzled her face, brushing their noses together but didn’t lean in for a kiss. She didn’t have the words to make it all better; she just needed Zoey to feel close to her. 

Seeing Zoey’s father like that, and her obviously close relationship to him had dredged up memories of the last time she’d seen her mom. Joan closed her eyes as she tried to recall dim recollections of words she’d spoken, her mother’s face fuzzy with time. Hot tears gathered in her eyes but she forced them down. Zoey needed her. She didn’t need Joan’s own regrets and tears. She’d have plenty of her own. But instead of having a Charlie during her loss, Zoey was going to have her instead. 

_I’d better be enough._

Joan kissed Zoey’s forehead, pulling the younger woman closer. “We’ll get through this…together.”

She’d buy Maggie a second house if she had to. Anything for Zoey’s happiness.

* * *

Unbeknownst to Joan, Zoey heard nothing of what she said. Instead, Zoey was hearing a familiar Song that was starting to sound more and more like a taunt:

_So this is what the truth feels like_   
_This is more of what I had in mind_   
_Yeah this is what the truth feels like_   
_And I’m feeling it, I’m feeling it_   
_Something about this just feels so right, alright_   
_Something about this just feels so right, alright_   
_So this is what the truth feels like_   
_And I’m feeling it, I’m feeling it…_

Joan’s Song faded as she planted a soft kiss on Zoey’s forehead. She trusted Joan too. And after tonight’s roiling emotions and careful attention, she was slipping dangerously close to something deeper, a short L-word that wasn’t so easily said.

She buried her face in Joan’s shoulder again as a disappointed voice that sounded way to close to her mother’s rang through her head.

_So why haven’t you told her yet?_

* * *

The next morning, Zoey awoke to her phone blaring out her ringtone. She groped for it unconsciously, knocking it off the table. 

“Dammit…” She rolled out of bed, actually opening her eyes. 

Her mother was calling. 

Zoey stopped dead, memories of yesterday rushing back to her, along with a tightening sensation deep in her stomach. 

The phone continued ringing but Zoey didn’t move. She wrapped herself in a bathrobe and slipped on some undergarments. By the time she was decent, the call had gone to voicemail.

As she scooped up the phone, she noticed the time: 10:45. 

She should have felt panicked: she was late for work; _massively_ late and Joan was going to have a cow over missing their first bathroom meetup of the day. But she just felt tired: wrung out and burned out, unable to muster the energy to care about anything. 

Zoey sighed, staring at her bedcovers and trying to care enough to make her bed. Last night was the first night she’d really let herself feel anything about her current life situation and the three or so traumas lingering just outside her door waiting to fall on her head at a moment’s notice. She’d cried in front of Joan and probably scared her off. Joan didn’t handle emotions well, Zoey knew this. So no wonder Joan had slipped out without waking her up. She probably just didn’t want to handle Zoey’s lingering depression around the mess of her life. As understanding as Joan could be, Zoey knew Joan wasn’t comfortable processing others’ emotions. 

Barefoot, Zoey shuffled into her kitchen and stopped, blinking. 

“You stayed.”

Joan scoffed, not looking up from her phone and mug of coffee. “Of course I did. I wasn’t leaving you alone after all that.” She was wearing one of Zoey’s robes and it was far too short on her. Zoey tried not to focus on that. She stared at Joan’s face. It was the picture of focus, as if she were answering emails or reading the latest stock numbers. But Zoey sensed a contemplation to it that went deeper than menial tasks.

“uhh but you uhh…” she shook herself. “work…you…we’re not at work…”

“Zoey…” Joan finally looked up at her. Her face was set in work-mode, a no-nonsense expression Zoey knew all too well. But her face dropped demurely a second later and she rose to her feet. 

_I don’t wanna go to work_  
 _I don’t wanna go to sleep_  
 _I don’t wanna do it_  
 _I don’t wanna do it_  
 _I don’t wanna pay my rent_  
 _I don’t wanna write a song_  
 _I don’t wanna do it_  
 _I don’t wann_ a _do it_

_It could be that I’m lazy_  
 _Or unmotivated_  
 _I’ve got ple_ nty _to do_

Joan stopped in front of Zoey, one hand brushing her face. 

_I just wanna hang out with you_

She started dancing, pulling Zoey along with her in fun, shy movements, like they were teenagers at a school dance. Zoey felt her mood lifting at the action, the beginnings of a smile taking over her face.

_Just wanna hang out with you_  
 _But I wanna hang out with you_  
 _Just wanna hang out with y_ o _u_

_I don’t wanna call my friends_   
_I don’t wanna hit the bar_   
_I don’t wanna do it_   
_I don’t wanna do it_   
_I don’t wanna fix my hair_   
_I don’t wanna play a show_   
_I don’t wanna do it_   
_I don’t wanna do it_

Zoey followed along, unable to stop smiling at just how freaking cute this Heart Song was. Joan really wanted to just…spend time with her, to do stupid things instead of work, despite Zoey’s breakdown. And with Joan dancing around in that bathrobe…

Zoey wanted to hang out with her too.

_Everybody’s been wondering_  
 _Where have I been?_  
 _When they cutting it loose_  
 _It could be that I’m lazy_  
 _Or unmotivated_  
 _I’ve got plenty_ t _o do_

_I just wanna hang out with you_  
 _Just wanna hang out with you_  
 _But I wanna hang out with you_  
 _Just wanna hang out with you_  
 _Just wanna hang out_ with you

Joan’s Song ended abruptly, Joan back in her seat with her previous work face directed at Zoey. 

Trying to control her smile, Zoey shook herself back to reality. “I uh…what? What did you say?”

“I said you need some time off.” Joan stood, eying her up and down. “You were already spacing out on me so you’re taking today.”

“What uh…what about you?” Zoey tried not to glance down as Joan walked past her. She failed. 

“I’m the boss.” Joan reminded her, washing her mug in the sink. “I say when I come in. I just wanted to be sure you were okay before I left.”

Zoey tore her eyes away from Joan’s legs. “You uh…you don’t have to…”

Her phone started blaring again. Glaring at the screen, Zoey silenced it. 

“Your mom again?”

Throat tight and good mood ruined, Zoey nodded. 

“She called three times earlier.” Joan told her, rinsing out her coffee mug. “I shut off the first few to let you sleep.”

“Th…thanks.”

Placing the mug in the drying rack Joan turned back around. They stared at each other for a long moment and Zoey found she couldn’t quite place the expression on Joan’s face. 

“Joan?”

Her boss grimaced. “You need to talk to her sometime.” She finally said.

“But I’m still mad at her.”

“That’s fine. Just…promise me you’ll talk to her soon?”

Zoey waited, watching the call go to voicemail again. “Yeah…yeah I will.” She promised. Logically, she knew she couldn’t cut her mother out of her life, especially not now. She just…she needed more time. She didn’t want Joan to feel like she was taking her mother’s warnings into consideration. 

Joan nodded. “Good. So,” She straightened up, “enjoy your day off…I’ll see you at 9 tomorrow.”

“Wait, Joan…” Zoey called before Joan could leave the kitchen. 

Joan raised an eyebrow. 

“You…you’re the boss…” Zoey began. Her eyes traveled down towards where Joan’s shapely rear poked out the bottom of her short robe. She pointedly stared. “what if you…wanted to spend the day with me instead of working?”

Joan’s face did that brief turn into confusion before her determination returned. “Zoey…I don’t think I could…”

But Zoey was past the point of verbal persuasion. She knew what inner desires Joan was denying herself. And if she spent the entire day here by herself, she was going to spend way too much time thinking about what her mother had said and Joan’s reaction to it. The coder stepped right into Joan’s personal space, hands already wandering. “Please? I…I want you here…” She gently traced the curve of Joan’s butt to mask the emotional reasons why she needed Joan to stay.

Joan shuddered. “I’d need to make a phone call…”

Zoey toyed with the robe opening, easing the garment open. “Do you?”

Joan shook her head. “Nah…it can wait…” She leaned down eagerly, all of her false trepidation gone as she wrapped Zoey in her arms. 

Zoey squeaked in surprise as Joan lifted her onto the table, hands already wandering under her robe. 

Between the Songs, last night’s emotions, and the ease with which she gave in, Zoey was starting to suspect that this _thing_ of theirs was rapidly becoming a _something_. 

Joan giggled like a schoolgirl as Zoey shucked the robe off her shoulders and pulled her close again. Zoey’s heart swelled, pushing out the dark feelings. 

Maybe Joan was falling just a bit closer to that L word too.


	8. (You're) In My Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays and a VERY happy end of 2020! I hope that 2021 brings all of you light, joy, and relief as we put this hell-hole of a year behind us.
> 
> Thank you zoey x joan fans for being a bright spot in my 2020. Catch you all in the new year!

Zoey rolled into work the next day with a stupid grin on her face. She couldn’t help it; an entire day alone with Joan (plus the incredible wake up this morning) had lifted her spirits out of the previous day’s trench. They’d spent the day doing everything and nothing: a _Star Trek_ marathon on the couch, Joan trying to teach her to cook, arguing over how much money Joan was allowed to spend on ‘sprucing up’ Zoey’s apartment, and giving each other mini _Star Wars_ -themed makeovers with Zoey’s limited makeup. 

And of course, plenty of sex. Several times, conversation had worn thin or Joan had tried to bring up the disastrous meeting with Maggie. But Zoey still wasn’t in the mood to talk about it. Not when kissing and groping were such good distractions. 

Zoey hadn’t felt this good in a long time. 

She grimaced slightly as music started in the elevator but not even the mysterious notes of the distant Song could derail her mood. She ignored them as best she could as she slid out onto the 4th floor. 

The nameless Song had been taunting her for weeks now, drifting around the building at odd times, always just far away enough and just muffled enough that she couldn’t ever hear it fully. Wandering the floor attempting to pinpoint it had done her no favors, and had only made the boys even more suspicious about her actions.

Mo had given up helping by now, after he realized Zoey was completely useless at identifying rhythms, instruments, or any kind of musical cue. Without lyrics, they weren’t going to know what it was. And at the moment, Zoey didn’t care.

“Morning!” She called to some of the already working guys. Antonn gave her a nod but didn’t look up. 

Zoey shook her head. They hadn’t even noticed that she was gone a whole day. Well, of course except for…

“Zoey! Are you okay? Where were you yesterday?” 

Zoey avoided eye contact with Max as she set her bag down. “I just had a set of bad period cramps, needed to stay in bed.” She lied.

The woman-specific ailment, intended to drive away any further questions, did not deter Max. 

He sprang up and stalked over to her desk. “Why didn’t you call me?” He demanded, placing down a coffee for her, “I could have brought something over to cheer you up!”

“I didn’t want to bother you.” Zoey insisted, booting up her computer. “I just needed to wallow in my misery.”

“It’s no bother Zoey.” He was giving her one of his wide, charming smiles that made Zoey feel strangely guilty. She hid behind her coffee instead of answering. He was just looking at her; why did it feel like cheating?

“If you two are done flirting…” came a dry voice. Zoey tensed and glared over at Leif as the programmer half-turned towards them, pulling his glasses down his nose so he could peer over them at her like an angry librarian. “Zoey, while you were gone, HR sent up some new contracts.” He watched with a satisfied smirk as Zoey searched her desk fruitlessly. “I already took care of them.”

Zoey glared. “That isn’t your job Leif.”

“You weren’t here.”

“And they couldn’t have waited?”

Leif just shrugged, turning back to his work. “I figured I’d help you out…looked like you needed it.” Zoey bristled, anger seething through her. One of these days, he was going to catch her in the wrong mood and an off-handed comment like that was going to cost him very dearly. But today was not that day.

“People,” a familiar voice behind her called out. Zoey turned and suppressed a smile. Leif may be infuriating but she had Joan. And that was something he couldn’t take away or put her down for. 

Joan didn’t do more than briefly glance her way but Zoey admired her all the same as she commanded their attention. “I just got a surprise phone call from our overlord, Mr. Danny Michael Davis.” She paused for a moment, letting the boys murmur amongst themselves.

Zoey caught Max’s eye and they shared a brief, silent ‘oh my god!’. The young, enigmatic CEO of _SPRQ Point_ operated from the shadows. The company was so well organized that the big man himself was free to wander the world and found other incredible tech startups. In the five years she’d worked here, Zoey had never seen him. And Joan had only uttered his name one other time: right before the Watch was announced. 

“Seems he’s afraid we’ve gone stagnant.” Joan finally continued, cutting off the side-chatter. Zoey stared, reminding herself to ask Joan just how she did that. She could never get the guys to shut up. “And the fact that he singled us out means he’s probably right. The Watch has been on the market for 3 months now and you all have brought me nothing.”

Zoey giggled as Tobin once again tried to pitch his robot dog idea only to have Joan shoot it down instantly. 

“Get your _actual_ pitches to Zoey by the end of the day. Zoey,” Joan turned to her and Zoey straightened up, fighting to keep herself from smiling, “separate the not-so-terrible from the awful and send them to me for evaluation.” Joan turned away, smiling at the engineering team. “Get to it people! The world is waiting, and so am I!”

She turned on her heel and left, hips swaying in her tight slacks, accenting her shapely rear. Zoey shuddered as her eyes followed Joan’s retreat in those pants, thinking back to the many, _many_ love bites she’d left on that ass yesterday. God, she’d just kissed her goodbye an hour ago, how did she _already_ miss her?

“Does Joan seem different to you?” Max asked. Zoey tore her eyes away and tried to frown at Max’s question. 

“Definitely.” Tobin butted in, rolling out from behind his monitors. “Less tense, less bitchy. Looks like she’s finally gettin’ some.”

Zoey nearly choked on her coffee at his statement.

“I mean, I’d sleep with Joan if…” Tobin shook his head. “Nah, no if. I’d sleep with Joan.”

Leif nodded. “Yeah, me too bro.” He smirked. “I bet she’s secretly really freaky in bed…” a shudder went through him. “couldn’t you just picture her in full dom gear?”

Zoey’s insides were blazing by this point and not from arousal at their fantasies about her woman. Her fury was making her pencil creak as her grip on it tightened.

“Don’t say things like that.” Max begged the other two. “I don’t need that image of Joan in my head while she’s yelling at us.” But while his voice was dry, the corner of his mouth curled up just slightly in a smirk. “She’s already terrifying enough without the whips and chains…”

The pencil in her hand crunched in two. “Would you all just shut up?” She snapped. All three of them turned to her, faces instantly coloring as they realized she had been listening. 

“It’s just some harmless banter, Zoey…” Leif began but Zoey had had enough of all their shit. _Especially_ his.

“If Joan was sleeping with someone, that’s one hundred percent her right and her prerogative as a total boss.” She informed them. Zoey knew her face was getting red but hoped the boys would attribute it to her passionate defense of feminism and her boss’ right to get some. “It’s also her personal business. And if in some wild fantasy, she were to - in a moment of horrible judgement - sleep with any of you, it’s my right to not have to hear about it at work. Talk about that on your own time. Or better yet, not at all. I don’t wanna know about any kind of _thoughts_ you all have about our _boss_.” She glared them all down, flushed with her bravado and immensely satisfied that none of them could seemingly look her in the eye after that. 

Tobin sat back, looking stunned. “Jeez, Zz-top. You’re spending so much time with Joan, you’re starting to sound like her…”

Zoey panicked. She glanced at Max, who was eying her oddly. Almost like he didn’t quite know what to make of her reaction.

“Get back to work.” Zoey finally snapped. “We need pitches or we’ll all be out of a job.” Face and insides still burning, she turned back to her screens. She knocked the jagged halves of pencil into her waste basket, hoping they hadn’t noticed. 

She tried hard not to react as Max rolled over to her. 

“Hey…” he asked in a low voice. “You okay?” His voice was sympathetic and somehow, that only made Zoey angrier.

She grunted in affirmation. 

Max leaned in closer. “Don’t take anything they say seriously…they’re just blowing off steam.” He scoffed, smirking. “You know how Leif and Tobin are…”

“I didn’t see you doing anything to shut them down.” Zoey snapped at him. 

Max seemed surprised. “…what?”

Furious and needing an escape, Zoey stood. But just as she opened her mouth to make some excuse, she noticed someone approaching. 

There was nothing remarkable about the newcomer. If not for the comically large stack of papers she was trying desperately to contain in her hands, Zoey wouldn’t have noticed her at all. She was short, shorter even than Zoey and had a just barely plump figure. Her face was dominated by large glasses and tight, mousy hair. While she couldn’t be entirely sure, Zoey guessed she was somewhere in her mid-thirties. 

She watched the woman struggle for a few seconds, both hands readjusting with frightening precision to keep her papers together as the 4th floor employees milled about her, indifferent to her plight. Alone against this chaos, she looked like a fish struggling upstream.

But just as the woman got her stack under control, Tobin bumped into her. It was barely a nudge, hardly worth apologizing for as he rushed to the bathroom. But it upset whatever delicate balance she’d been maintaining.

Her papers spilled everywhere, cascading in an incoherent mess across the floor. People parted around her and her lost cargo.

Zoey turned, already prepared to offer to help gather them up. But she paused as she heard music. Infuriatingly familiar music. 

The woman sat down hard among her mess of papers, taking her glasses off.

_Help me_

_It’s like the walls are caving in_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

_But I just can’t_

_It isn’t in my blood_

Zoey moved closer, now hyper-focused. Time had clearly slowed, as Max was now frozen in front of her desk. It was the same music that had been following her around the office at a distance for the past few weeks, the same Song that had teased her in the elevator this morning. She stared, her heart aching as the performance before her continued. This was the person she needed to help.

Said person was now sprawled out on the floor, lying among her papers.

_Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing_

_I’m overwhelmed and insecure, give me something_

_I could take to ease my mind slow_ ly

She began a pantomime, moving beautifully and desperately as she gathered papers and tossed them back into the air.

_Just have a drink and you’ll feel better_

_Just take her home and you’ll feel better_

_Keep tellin’ me that it gets better_

_Does it ever?_

She sprang to her feet, tears pricking the corner of her eyes, gripping her head like something was trying to rip out of it.

_Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

_No medicine is strong enough_

_Someone help me_

_I’m crawling in my skin_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

_But I just_ _can’t_

_It isn’t in my blood_

_It isn’t in my_ _blood_!

The music faded on the last word and Zoey felt her body snap back towards reality. The woman replaced her glasses and bent to gather up her papers. Well that was a pretty obvious cry for help if she’d ever heard one.

Stepping away from her desk, Zoey hurried to the woman’s side as time restarted. The Singer looked startled, like she hadn’t expected anyone to assist her.

Zoey smiled. “Here, let me help you.” She began to grab the papers and gather them into a neat stack. Between the two of them, gathering the mess only took a few seconds. “I think I have a binder clip somewhere so that this doesn’t happen to you again.”

“T…thank you.” The woman once again seemed startled at the gesture. She rose, hugging the papers to her chest as Zoey snatched the promised clip from her desk.

“I don’t think we’ve met.” Zoey smiled at her as she handed her the clip, ignoring Max’s confused glance. “I’m Zoey, Zoey Clarke.”

The woman gave her a strangled smile. “Susan.” She already looked like she was preparing to make a run for it.

“Very nice to meet you Susan.” She glanced around, desperate to keep the woman talking. She had to figure out just what this Song was and why she had been hearing it for so long. 

“Listen this is gonna sound totally out of the blue but are you…?” She wasn’t quite sure how to word the Sung concern and Leif and Max were still staring her way so she changed course. “Are you busy? Right now?”

Susan once again seemed startled and confused. “Uuuhhhmmm.” She flicked her glasses back up her nose. “No?”

Zoey beamed. “Great! Come get some coffee with me!” She didn’t give the woman a choice as she pulled her towards the elevators.

She was going to settle this Song, once and for all.

* * *

Susan, as it turned out, wasn’t great at conversation.

She was completely quiet on their way down to the coffee shop across the road from _SPRQ Point_ , seeming content to instead listen to Zoey prattle on about work and the difficulties of managing a team of nerdy guys. While the chance to just vent about her frustrations was welcome (especially after their sickening talk about wanting to sleep with Joan), Zoey still felt unsettled by the other woman’s lack of response. She was supposed to help her right? How could she do that if Susan never spoke?

Susan was still mono-syllabic as they ordered and waited, not even looking at the barista as he handed them their drinks. 

Zoey tilted her head. Maybe she was just shy? It clearly wasn’t helping that she was doing all the talking. “Look I know this was kind of out of the blue…” Zoey tried, “but I’ve noticed you around lately and I just thought…”

“I just started last month.” Susan interrupted her, obscuring her face briefly as she nudging her glasses back up her nose again. “I haven’t ever been to the 4th floor before today. So I doubt you’ve seen me.”

Startled, and more than a little off-put by how casually Susan had just pointed out her fib, Zoey plowed on.

“Right uh…well, I don’t know…I thought the two of us might get along?”

Susan raised an eyebrow but to Zoey’s relief, she quickly retreated into her coffee, already heading back towards their building.

“How are you liking _SPRQ Point_?” Zoey asked, jogging to catch up. She was feeling a little lost. Ordinarily, just talking to the people who Sang to her usually made them open up. “Handling the new-job stress okay?”

Susan glanced back at her, looking anxious about Zoey trailing after her. “Yeah, why?”

“You just…looked kind of upset…when all your papers went flying.” Starting to get a little winded, Zoey finally caught up to Susan and managed to take a half-step in front of her, halting her escape. “You know, some days you’re just barely keeping a lid on things and then one tiny thing happens and you just…need to scream about something.”

Susan gave her a blank stare. “I’m fine.” She insisted. “I need to get back to my work now.”

“Ooookay…” Zoey bit her lip, trying to contain her frustration. “But…if you ever do have a day like that…when you just feel like giving up…” she gave her a soft smile. “You can talk to me…if you need to.”

Susan didn’t look convinced, the look on her face was somewhat skeptical. “I need to go now. Thanks for the coffee Z.” She said it so quickly and so nonchalantly that Zoey had a hard time discerning if it was meant to be a nickname or if Susan had already forgotten her name.

“Okay, well, I’m right next to Joan’s office on floor 4! If you need to find me!” Susan did not turn back, or even acknowledge that Zoey had spoken.

Zoey sighed as Susan vanished into the crowd making its way out of the building. “Well…that didn’t clarify shit.”

* * *

She wasn’t worried.

Joan typed on her keyboard, fingers hitting keys with heavy, deadly precision. She wasn’t worried.

So Zoey had unexpectedly left her desk with a cute-looking, much more age-appropriate women twenty minutes ago and had missed their usual morning bathroom make-out session. 

**She wasn’t worried.**

Joan leaned back, pulling her glasses out and placing them on her nose before she gave herself a headache. She knew Zoey. Zoey cared about her. Zoey would never just…

_She’s bored with you already._

She shook her head, trying to dislodge the thought. There was nothing to be worried about…they’d spent all day yesterday enjoying each other’s company, physically and otherwise. No way that Zoey was shopping around with…

“Joan?”

Her inner argument disrupted, she glanced over her rims, finding Leif standing casually in her office doorway, wearing a red and white ensemble that made her eyes hurt.

“What can I do for you, Waldo?” She grunted, already returning to her work.

Leif glanced down at himself, confused. “Just…wondering where Zoey got to?”

“No idea.”

“You don’t know?”

“No, Leif.” She glared up at him again, “I am not aware of everything Zoey is doing at any given time. If I were, I’d be able to get her to work on time more often.” _And get her into the bathroom stall far more often…_

“Yeah,” Leif agreed, in a tone of voice that had her glancing at him again. He tucked his hands in his pockets. “Zoey has been late a lot recently…hasn’t she?” He shook his head slightly. “And she was out yesterday too…I wonder if something’s going on with her…”

Joan rolled her eyes, “If something was going on with Zoey, I’m sure she’d take it up with me.”

Now he seemed interested. “Really? She tells you things like that?”

“Leif, it’s my business to notice things like that. Plus, Zoey hardly keeps these things from me; you can’t stop her once she starts talking. I’d know if something was up.”

Leif smiled. “Right, of course.” He winked at her. “Nothing gets past a brilliant woman like yourself.” He leaned sideways, so that his pelvis was slightly tilted towards her.

Joan eyed the Millennial skeptically as he smiled demurely at her. 

“You know Joan, I’ve always admired your management style…”

He must have thought her stupid to not see what he was clearly trying to do. His flirting skills were more blatantly ripped off from internet message boards than Charlie’s had been when she met him. 

Leif prattled on, complimenting her intelligence and leadership but Joan tuned him out, considering the 20-something man before her. He inspired no want in her, only a sad recollection of the time she’d fallen for such charm and brilliance and lost her identity to follow another’s. All the same, it was kind of…flattering? Knowing that she apparently still inspired want in young, nerdy men.

“Still not hearing what can I do for you Leif.” She reminded him. 

He deflated slightly. “Oh, I’ve just had a thought…”

“Oh good, a programmer with a thought...” Joan rolled her eyes, “…the wonders never cease.”

Leif let out a nervous laugh, clearly playing up his humor. “Well, it…it’s about a new device actually.”

Joan finally looked up, just in time to see Zoey exiting the elevator. She perked up. The redhead was delightfully alone and clutching a cup of coffee. 

“Uhhh,” She forced her attention back to Leif. “Okay, sure what?”

Leif began to animatedly pitch her an idea: some kind of earpiece with a built in camera that would use AI interfaces to help you find things you saw and identify people you met. Even though she had only intended to partially listen, Joan found herself getting drawn in. It wasn’t a bad thought.

Throughout his whole pitch, Joan couldn’t help glancing over towards Zoey and biting back a smirk every time she caught the coder glaring at Leif’s back. 

“Sounds promising.” She finally butted in, interrupting Leif’s soliloquy. Leif beamed like she’d just handed him a trophy. “Why don’t you and Zoey sit down and hammer out a product plan and timeline?”

The programmer’s smile punctured. “You…you want me _and_ Zoey to work on it?”

“She is your supervisor.” Joan reminded him. “Kind of her job to approve your pitch.”

“But…” Leif tucked his hands in his pockets and offered her a suggestive smile. “I…I thought maybe you and I could…”

Joan laughed. “Leif, I’m far too busy to be back in the trenches, as tempting as a victorious return would be.” She shook her head. As fun as it would be working elbow to elbow with the programming team again, she didn’t want to risk giving anyone the wrong idea. Or slipping up in a moment of work-addled weakness and… “I’ll jump in when you and Zoey have a plan.” She continued, banishing that thought from her head. She was past that now, never going back. Joan pulled her computer close again, popping her glasses back on. “Send Zoey in, would you?” She said, by way of dismissal.

Looking disappointed, Leif nodded. Leif and Zoey passed each other as they swapped positions and Zoey’s face shifted from curiosity to pure anger as the programmer returned quietly to his desk. Joan managed to keep her attention on her screen right up until the small ball of fury marched into her office. 

“You were practically glaring a hole in his head.” She informed Zoey, taking off her glasses and finally looking up.

Zoey huffed, pink-cheeked and indignant and Joan fought a smile. It was too fucking cute. 

“What did he want?” Zoey asked.

“Oh, just pitching me an idea for a new device.”

“And that’s it?” 

Joan cocked her head. This was new. Zoey hadn’t ever been this virulent in her opinions of other men talking to her, particularly not at work. Was it Leif? Joan had noticed that the two of them had a bit of a rivalry but figured that was fine so long as it didn’t get ugly. Or had something else happened to put Zoey on edge?

“Yes, he wants to make something to help people identify people and products that they see.” She nodded, liking the way it sounded even more. Her mind was already turning over possibilities. “It’s a solid idea; there might be some potential there. I told him to work on a schematic and pitch with you.”

Zoey bristled but nodded. “We need to be careful around him.” She told Joan, her fists clenched at her sides.

Joan raised an eyebrow. “Hmm? Why?”

“I…” Zoey hesitated, seeming to be searching for the right words. “I think he’s going to be _watching_ us…he’s asked me a lot of pointed questions since the _Amicci’s_ photo…” She glared back towards the programmer. “And now he’s clearly trying to cozy up to you…”

Joan narrowed her gaze. “Is someone jealous?”

Zoey pinked, whirling back to face Joan. “I…! I jus…just…dont like that he thinks he has a chance with you…” her voice trailed off into a mumble. “and he’s clearly doing it for the wrong reasons…”

Joan smirked. “and yours are noble?”

“more noble than his!”

“How so, Knight Clarke?”

Zoey blushed fully. “I…care about your feelings and not just your body.” Her eyes went to Joan’s high collar, hiding a hickey Zoey had placed there that morning.

Joan glanced her up and down, eyes lingering. “Careful…talk like that here could lead to an HR violation…”

Zoey leaned forward. “Sexy…” her eyes burned with the kind of desire she usually reserved for the moment before she got between Joan’s thighs. 

Joan shivered and looked away. Leif’s attention might be flattering but Zoey’s made her whole body feel lightheaded. “Stop that.” She demanded. “I’m already gay and very turned on so unless you want to put out here and now, the eyes have got to be far from me!” Zoey retaliated by waggling her eyebrows, her gaze intensifying. Joan let out a shuddering breath. “Go! Get!” she demanded, waving Zoey away. 

“See you tonight…sexy woman.” Laughing, Zoey darted out of her office.

Joan watched her go, feeling slightly better about everything. 

Maybe Zoey wasn’t perfect after all if she felt such passionate jealousy concerning Leif. And that was great information to remind herself of during her own moments of dark jealousy and uncertainty. 

* * *

Joan was coming over soon but her confusing encounter with Susan had Zoey spending her prep time on Mo’s couch, sharing news of the nature of the mystery Song at last.

“Well, that one’s a doozy…” Mo commented, raising an eyebrow in thought. “Girl’s got some feelings if she’s belting out the Shawn Mendes…

“I don’t get it!” Zoey flopped back on Mo’s couch, unraveling yarn for some unnamed project of Mo’s. “She was really upset while she was Singing! Like, about to burst out crying and scream upset. But when I spoke to her…she was just so…” she waved a hand. “not that.”

“Classic avoidance.” Mo offered, sorting beans by size. “Looks like she’s repressing whatever horrible emotions she’s got swirling around in her mind and it’s all coming out in her Songs.”

Zoey placed her unraveled ball down. “But I don’t know if she’s even aware that she’s this upset…” She mused. “I mean…I’ve been hearing the Song for awhile now…and she didn’t even look like she was trying to hide something. She just…wanted to get away from me.”

“Did you pursue her?” Mo asked, “Learn anything more about her? Get her number so you can work your friendship magic?”

Zoey fidgeted “No, I…kind of got distracted…” She blushed a deep red at the memory of Joan’s office and her passionate jealousy at seeing Leif flirt with Joan. 

Mo rolled his eyes, recognizing her expression.“You two are waaay to horny for your own good…sooner or later you’re going to get yourselves in trouble with that…”

“It was just flirting!” Zoey defended herself. “And…it was only because Leif was…being Leif.”

Mo grunted. “He was moving in on your woman?”

Zoey nodded, scowling. 

“Zoey honey, you know Joan has intense feelings for you,” He reminded her, “Why are you so worried about this guy?”

“He’s…he’s too nosy for his own good.” Zoey knew that Leif's nice side was just a front he used to mask his ambition and cockiness. He was careful not to let anyone else see his ugly side, except for her. “And he’s been out to get me ever since I got the promotion over him.” She grimaced. “It would be just like him to flirt with Joan just because he knows we're close and he wants to show me that he can just take whatever he wants because he’s a guy and…”

“And do you really not trust Joan to fall for that?” Mo interrupted. “In case you'd forgotten, she’s currently way too horny for you.”

Zoey fidgeted, picking the yarn apart obsessively. “I know…but it doesn't stop me from worrying.”

Leif was so much like his idol Charlie, Joan’s ex. She hadn’t really thought about it until she’d seen him flirting with Joan today and heard him Sing about his watchfulness of them both. Leif was up to something and he was so good at worming his way into people’s good graces. She’d fallen for it herself before her powers had clued her in to his true nature. What if Joan decided she wanted someone like that again? That his familiarity, charm, and more socially-acceptable persona was easier than staying in all the time with her?

Zoey shook herself. “Nevermind all that…what are we going to do about Susan?”

Mo gave her an odd look; one of his searching faces like he was debating with himself whether or not to say something to her. 

“Zoey…I know I‘m usually pretty gung-ho about you figuring out Songs and doing what you do…” he began. “But Imma be real with you here.”

“Ooookay?”

Mo kneeled in front of her, taking her unraveled ball of yarn. “Stop tryin’a to fix this stranger.” He advised her, suddenly grim. “Focus on your own relationship. Or else you’re gonna lose Joan.”

He stood then, leaving Zoey alone with her thoughts on the couch. It wasn’t where she wanted to be.

Thankfully her phone rang a second later, granting her a distraction from the tough emotional dilemma. But she grimaced as she saw who it was.

“Ugh…my mom again…” She stared at the vibrating screen, her insides twisting. “She just wont stop calling me to…”

“Talk to you mother, Zoey.” Mo snapped at her, giving her one of his patented disapproving stares. “You’re lucky she’s even reaching out.”

Chastised, Zoey clutched her phone tighter. Maybe Mo and Joan were right. She couldn’t keep ignoring her mother. She just had to remember that this was for Joan. Like Mo had said, she needed to focus on her own relationship. And if her mother bending her ear a little more was going to help ease Joan’s guilt about the other day, she’d do it. 

Taking a deep breath, she answered the call.

“Hey…mom.”


	9. Insecure and I Don't Know Why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the months of lockdown are getting to me...

“Hey Zoey.”

“Hey, sorry to bother you.” Zoey shifted the phone, gazing across the dark half-empty floor. “Just…you left work early and I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“It’s no bother!” Simon shifted on his end, sounding like he was leaving whatever room he was in. “What’s up? This about your dad or your lady?”

Zoey smirked. “I’m still not introducing you to ‘my lady’” She reminded him. _Because you already know her._ Someday, but not now. “It’s…” her smirk faded, “well, it’s kind of both…”

She could practically see Simon nodding through the phone. “What’s going on?”

Zoey sighed before launching into her explanation. But while she talked about her dad, her mind was on her mother. It had been roughly two weeks since the disastrous attempt to introduce Joan to her mom. And while she and her mom had talked, they hadn’t really. Not about what had happened at least. It hung between them whenever Zoey visited, a thick cloud of smoke. Her mom hadn’t Sung anything about it either so Zoey was drawing a blank and desperate not to start another fight with her mother. Around all of that, her dad had had a few bad days in a row, putting them all on edge.

“And he’s doing okay now but…I just…needed to talk about it.”

“Hmmm.” Simon agreed, sounding distracted. “And what about the thing with your lady?”

“Oh that…I…it sounds stupid by comparison.”

“I doubt it’s stupid if it’s bothering you.”

“Just…” Zoey paused, glancing over at Joan’s empty office. She had left earlier in the day - something about a conference call with Singapore that was better taken at home. “as a…person in a long-term relationship…” she fidgeted, hating herself a bit for bringing this up, “how…would you react if another guy was flirting with Jessica?”

Simon coughed. “What? Is someone hitting on your woman?”

“She says no!” Zoey insisted. “But…I…I didn’t like his…his vibe. It was clearly something more than just talking…and I don’t trust him!” Leif hadn’t exactly let up on his behavior. He was barging into Joan’s office more often and Zoey had once caught Joan laughing at something he’d said. 

“Well…” Simon began, “it certainly would help if I knew more about the girl in question…”

“You’ll get your double date eventually!” Zoey promised him but inwardly she wondered if Joan would _ever_ agree to that. “Can you just…tell me I’m not crazy for being jealous?”

Simon chuckled. “Well…jealousy is normal, especially in the beginning.” He sighed, “I remember about three months after Jessica and I started dating, I got friendly with a female coworker and she read way too much into it…” he trailed off, seeming to have lost his train of thought. 

“Are you okay?” Zoey asked after a long pause. 

“Me? Yeah, I’m…I’m good!” But even over the phone, she could tell he was lying.

“Simon.”

He sighed again. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” 

“Really…see me?” Simon asked. 

“Oh…uh…” She chuckled, “normally it takes a whole song and dance…but…I know how to read you.”

Simon was quiet for a moment, just long enough that Zoey worried she’d said the wrong thing. Then she checked to make sure the call hadn’t dropped.

“It’s my dad’s birthday tomorrow.” Simon finally said. “The first one since his suicide.”

Her heart clenched. “Oh.” Simon’s father had rather suddenly committed suicide several months back, before Zoey had met Simon. His grief-stricken Heart Songs had been what led her to connect with him and discuss her own father’s impending death. And while she knew he still grieved his dad, Simon had stopped Singing about it recently. 

“I’m just…it’s bringing up a lot of stuff.” Simon continued, sounding uncomfortable. “I don’t know how I feel…how I’m going to feel.”

Biting her lip, Zoey tried to think of something to say. “Well…you’re not going to know until the day it happens, right?” She had no idea how she was going to react to the day when her dad… “just…be kind to yourself…” she plowed on, “try to do things that he liked, things that made you both happy? And remember, if you need anything…”

“Thanks Zoey.” Simon sighed again, sounding happier this time. “I’m so glad we’re friends…sometimes…it feels like you’re the only person I can talk to about this.”

Zoey grimaced, wishing she could do more for him. “Yeah…I’m here for you.” Still, it was nice to have Simon as another person to talk to about Joan.

* * *

“You seem frustrated. Is it because I’m not doing this correctly?”

“I’m not…frustrated…”

“Okay.” Susan took another measured sip of her coffee, eyes still peering at Zoey unblinkingly. “You’re very hard to read, Zoey. You frighten me.”

Zoey balked. I’m _hard to read_?

Susan tilted her head slightly but said nothing.

The mysterious Susan had been nigh impossible to pin down. Zoey had kept hearing her Song and would occasionally catch glimpses of the woman walking across the floor. But it always seemed like every time she got near enough to call out, Susan slipped away and vanished for several days. Zoey had looked around and asked around but she kept hitting dead ends. Did Susan even work at _SPRQ Point_? Zoey didn’t know and no one had been able to tell her, not even Joan.

But today, she’d finally snagged the elusive woman just outside the elevators on the first floor, pressing the black coffee she’d intended to give to Max into her hands and trying to get her to talk. Susan had not been forthcoming.

So far, Zoey only knew that Susan worked on office databases, drank her coffee black, knew who Shawn Mendes was, and was hiding some dark and crushing feeling of despair and helplessness.

She didn’t know it was possible to reveal so little in conversation. 

“I need to get back to work.” Susan said, flicking her glasses back into place. “Thanks for the coffee.” She rose and turned, walking away across the 4th floor with measured steps. 

Zoey sighed, pressing her face into her hand as the familiar melody started again. 

_Help me_

_It’s like the walls are caving in…_

She ignored Susan’s dancing as best she could, huffing in frustration. 

Zoey leaned back in the hanging chair, staring at the woven supports overhead. “Am I missing something here?” 

But as usual the universe gave her no answer. 

* * *

Joan tapped a nervous finger against her desk, wishing that this woman on the other end of the phone would just _shut up already_. 

“And so if we move the Quarterly Projections meeting to October that should allow us to shuffle the video conference app forward by two weeks…”

Joan grit her teeth. For 99% of the phone calls she took, she would have just told her to shove it and pressed past all this tediousness. But this particular annoyance was one of the few people she could not force to shut up. 

“And then if we have the national check-in next week, it should free us up on our end.”

Joan closed her eyes, wanting to pound her fist against her office window. “Thank you Melinda but I just wanted to know if Danny saw the proposal I sent him.” She’d asked twenty minutes ago, just as Zoey had emerged with the other woman. Not that she was watching them. 

Except that she was. She was tuning out most of what Danny Michael Davis’ personal assistant was blabbing in favor of trying to figure out just what Zoey and this stranger could possibly be discussing. She peered through her office, trying to make out their conversing forms in the hanging chairs across the floor.

Her stomach clenched. She was still trying desperately to make up for what had happened with Maggie. Zoey hadn’t wanted to talk about her mom, or about them recently, even though she and Maggie were talking again. And Joan worried all the time about just what that could mean. 

Did Zoey resent her? She must have, why else would she be showing up to work late with that mousy girl on her arm again? Was it a taunt? Showing her that her life could be so much less complicated if she left Joan for a younger woman?

_Zoey wouldn’t do that._

Zoey wasn’t Charlie. Joan hated that she had to keep reminding herself of that. 

_Why am I like this? What’s wrong with me?_

“Oh yes, he’s very excited.” Melinda told her, instantly snapping Joan’s attention back to the call. She smiled. Right, the pitch. A few days ago, she’d sent Zoey and Leif’s schematic for Leif’s new product, the Chirp along to the big man himself. It was going to be a lovely surprise for Zoey later on today. After all, what better news could she give Zoey on their two month anniversary then that Danny had liked the Chirp? Joan smiled. Two months since they’d slept together in Daytona…

“Just please make sure the landing pad is open this time.” Melinda continued. “Mr. Davis hates needing to walk more than a thousand steps at a time.”

Joan blinked, feeling lost and disoriented. “What…?” She’d probably just heard her wrong…

“He’s dropping by next week to hear the pitch in person.” Melinda replied matter-of-factly. 

Well, now she was panicked. “What?!”

“Did he not tell you this?”

“No…” She bit her tongue to stop herself from reminding Melinda that _she_ was the one who should have told her.

“Oh.” Melinda paused, fingers clacking on her keyboard. “Now you know. Don’t forget to clear the helicopter pad this time.” And then she hung up.

Stunned, Joan lowered her phone. 

Danny Michael Davis was coming. 

Danny Michael Davis was coming. 

_Holy shit._ There was so much to do.

But before she could even begin to make a list in her head, a text message popped up on her phone. 

It was from Anita.

A simple:

> _Sorry_.

And a link to a news site.

As she read it, her anger simmered. 

If she’d been in a bad mood before, now she was in a full-blown rage.

_That absolute_ fucking _asshole…!_

“Hey Joan.” 

She glared over her shoulder. Leif had just popped into her office, clearly having been waiting for an opportunity while she was on the phone. Vaguely, Joan wondered just how long he’d been waiting.

"You got a second?”

“No, I do not.” She snapped, pushing aside Anita’s unwelcome news for her current crisis. “Danny Michael Davis is coming.”

Leif paled. “Wh…what?”

“He liked the Chirp.” Joan informed him, tapping her phone against her chin and beginning to make a list in her head of everything she now needed to do. “He’ll be here next week for a formal pitch.” At least this would be a welcome distraction from her life. 

Leif practically glowed. “R…really? That…that’s incredible…you’re incredible Joan…thank you so much for…”

“Send Zoey in here!” Joan snapped at him. “We need to make a plan of attack.” 

“Of course…” Leif half-turned, making large eyes at her. “Should…I come back too or…”

Joan waved him away with a huff, already pulling out her tablet. He practically skipped back to his desk, bouncing with excitement. What was with Leif? Could he not take the hint that she wasn’t interested? Or was all of this just him trying to advance his career however he could?

She frowned, shoulders tensing as she dug into her work. This should have been Zoey’s triumphant moment, not his. And now her big surprise was ruined for tonight.

_Dammit_.

Anita’s text resurfaced on her phone and she threw the device into a drawer so she wouldn’t need to think about it. Joan popped on her glasses to hide the tears stinging her eyes before Zoey could see them. 

Now how was she going to make things up to Zoey?

* * *

“So…what is this?”

Joan gestured at the couch. “I believe this is what the Millennials call a ‘Netflix and Chill?’” 

Zoey smiled, looking over the massive bowl of popcorn, the bottle of wine, and the heap of blankets and pillows surrounding her couch. “How is this any different from previous nights we’ve spent watching things on this couch?” She asked. 

While she’d meant it to be teasing, Joan clearly wasn’t taking it that way. Joan tensed slightly, looking away from Zoey. “You can just say that you don’t want to.”

“Joan…of course I want to.” Zoey frowned. Something was up with Joan today. She’d been snippy at work, probably because of the surprise about Danny Michael Davis coming to visit soon and the mountain of things they needed to accomplish to pitch him the Chirp. But that bad mood had followed them back to Zoey’s place, clinging to Joan while they ate dinner and pervading the air with tension. It was starting to agitate Zoey - especially after her encounter with Susan and providing Simon with a grief kit for his dad’s birthday. “Don’t you?” Zoey asked. 

Joan turned back to her quite suddenly and Zoey leapt backwards as she began to dance. A fast drumbeat pounded through the air as Joan kicked her leg high. She landed with one foot on either side of the coffee table, grinding her hips down towards it.

“Uhh…” Zoey blushed as Joan started to Sing. This Song was certainly…more physical than Joan’s recent Songs.

_What’s the time?_

_Well it’s gotta be close to midnight_

_My body’s talking to me_

_It says, “Time for danger”_

Zoey snapped back to reality. “Uh…uh what?”

“I said, I set all this up.” Joan continued, back to her tense standing posture. She raised an eyebrow at Zoey. “Of course I want to do it.”

“Right…” Zoey seriously doubted that as Joan once again straddled the table, her Song revving back up.

_I’ve had a knack from way back_  
 _At breaking the rules once I learn the games_  
 _Get up, life’s too quick, I know someplace sick_  
 _Where this chick’ll dance in the fla_ m _es_

_We don’t need any money_   
_I always get in for free_

She winked at Zoey, sliding a finger down between her breasts.

_You can get in too_  
 _If you get in w_ i _th me_

_Let’s go out tonight_   
_I have to go out tonight_

Swinging her legs around, Joan rose in one swift motion, standing on Zoey’s table in her sweatpants and looking like the queen of the runway. Joan beckoned Zoey forward and the coder could only obey on shaky legs. Joan grabbed Zoey’s shoulders, swinging her hips back and forth.

_You wanna play? Let’s run away_  
 _We won’t be back before it’s New Years Day_  
 _Take me out_ _tonight_

Joan slid her cheek along Zoey’s, her body following the motion in an intoxicating ripple. She purred in Zoey’s ear. Zoey trembled, hands twitching towards her woman. But just as she reached out for Joan, Joan vanished. 

“I know it’s just a dumb Millennial thing.” Joan was saying, settling herself on the couch. She forced a smile. “But what’s life without some of the dumb things?”

Zoey had to take a deep breath to re-center herself and wrangle her libido back into place. “Actually…” Zoey began, trying to sound natural. “Why don’t we go out?” She smiled. “Have some fun!”

But to her dismay, Joan only tensed further. “You could have just told me you didn’t want to do it.”

“Joan, we’ve been home-dating for almost two months; I think we can stand a night out.”

“We can’t do that, Zoey. Remember the bloggers?”

Zoey couldn’t forget. Joan had popped up on several gossip blogs recently, mainly as ‘proof’ that she was still alive. Seems that Joan’s absence from the public had finally become newsworthy and the rumor mill was frothing at the mouth to come up with theories about where she’d been and why. “Come on, it’ll be good for us both…” Zoey insisted, trying to sound encouraging. Surely it wouldn’t mean anything if she and Joan were spotted together? Provided they kept their hands to themselves? “I know you need to let loose a bit and…”

“Stop telling me what I need!” Joan shouted. 

Startled, Zoey blinked. “Wh…what?”

Joan glared at her and the expression was so long-forgotten that it momentarily tore Zoey’s heart. “You…you’re doing that thing again.” Joan accused her, folding her arms like she was disciplining Zoey at work.

“Wh…what thing?”

“Like after our first time…when you were practically reading my mind.”

Zoey froze, eyes going wide. “Uhhhmmm.”

“What?” Joan demanded. “Trying to tell me what I’m thinking now?”

Zoey balked. Where was this coming from? How was a Song about wanting to go out (something she could understand quite easily) turning into a fight?

But before she could think of anything to say, her phone chimed loudly.

> _I am right outside your door_

It was from Simon. 

Zoey choked. “Uhhmmm, Joan?” She glanced up, heart pounding unnaturally fast. “We…we may have a problem…”

“What?” Joan seethed. “Just say it Zoey! Spit it out; I can take it.”

“No Joan,” Zoey hissed trying to keep her voice down, “I mean…”

Pounding on Zoey’s front door startled them both. They leapt back as if law enforcement were demanding entry, eyes darting to each other. 

“Who is that?” Joan hissed, her face pale.

“Just a minute!” Zoey called, already springing into action. She ditched the bottle of wine and glasses under the couch, and swept the bowl of popcorn into the kitchen. 

“Who is it?” Joan hissed again, starting to seem more worried than angry. 

Zoey pursed her lips, panicking. “Joan…go in my bedroom.”

Joan glanced over her shoulder, seemingly weighing her options. “We are not done arguing here!”

Zoey sighed, slightly relieved. “I know!” She pushed Joan forward. “Just get in there! And stay quiet!”

“Not. Done. Arguing!” Joan insisted in a low voice. 

Zoey pushed her harder. “Just go!”

She rushed to the front door. Glancing back to make sure Joan was out of sight, Zoey took a deep breath and opened her door. 

Simon was on her doorstep, eyes damp. 

“I know it’s late…” he began, “but I needed to talk through something with somebody. With…you.”

To Zoey’s horror, he burst right into her apartment, throwing himself down on the couch Joan had just vacated. 

“I heard voices…is…?” He glanced around. “Is your girlfriend here?”

“No.” Zoey lied, praying that Joan would take the hint and stay hidden. “I just…I had the TV on.”

She sank down next to him as he twitched and fumed, clearly brimming with emotions he didn’t know how to express properly.

“Simon?’ She asked, trying to calm herself down so she could be present for him. “What is it?”

He pulled out his phone and proceeded to show her his last few emails with his dad and cry softly, convinced he could have somehow prevented his death. 

Zoey considered her words very carefully before she tried to reply.

“It is entirely possible that you missed the signs…” she began, noting his shaky exhale. “But…you couldn’t have helped him if he wasn’t open to being helped.”

Vaguely, she wondered if that was the case with Joan’s bad mood tonight. 

Simon breathed a deep, wet sigh. “Thank you.” He pressed his face into his hands. “Thank you, I needed to hear that.”

Zoey touched his shoulder gently. “Have you talked to Jessica about this at all?” She asked.

Simon shook his head. “She doesn’t understand. Not like you do.”

“All the same, she’s your fiancé.” Zoey reminded him, part of her anxious that his being here would lead to a misunderstanding with the Brit. “She cares about you. So tell her what you’re going through.” She glanced towards her bedroom. “Let her help you.”

Simon nodded, still looking miserable. “But you’re still here right?” He turned his big, wet eyes on her and Zoey’s heart went out to him. She didn’t want it to seem like she wasn’t concerned. But toeing that line between supportive friend and too emotionally involved with him was hard sometimes.

“Yeah of course.” Zoey told him, hyper aware of the fact that Joan could hear everything they were saying. “Whatever you need.” 

* * *

By the time Zoey got Simon out the door again, it was late. He’d Sung her a Heart Song about gratitude that was slightly more than platonic and she’d never been happier that Joan couldn’t hear her thoughts. She didn’t even know what her thoughts were at this point. 

Having Simon’s trust and attention like that was still intoxicating. But she hated that he was still clearly fighting his feelings for her while she’d moved on. And she hated that these two necessary and intimate relationships in her life had now collided. 

Almost as soon as the door closed behind Simon, she heard footsteps from her room. 

“Why the _hell_ is Simon barging into your apartment late at night?”

Zoey winced. So they were just jumping right back into the argument and Joan’s anger from before the interruption had only intensified. Well, at least the topic had moved away from her powers. “Joan…he’s never done that before.” She insisted, trying not to sound like she was defending herself.

Joan’s arms were folded again. “You didn’t have to let him in.”

“He was upset!” Zoey insisted. 

“And it’s your job to comfort him? He’s a grown man, an _engaged_ grown man!”

Zoey folded her arms around herself. “It’s…complicated…” 

“Really? Because it sounds like he’s leaning on you for emotional support.” Joan observed, glaring at Zoey once more. “And you’re letting him.”

“Why is that a problem?” Zoey asked, starting to feel anger heating up her insides. “Why shouldn’t I help my _friend_ out with his feelings? He’s helped me with mine!”

Joan flinched. 

“Simon knows about us?” She asked, her voice low and shaky. “You told him?”

“He knows I’m dating a woman.” Zoey backpedaled furiously. “I didn’t tell him who!”

“It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who!” Joan sighed, rubbing her forehead, “Zoey… we need to be careful.”

“I am being careful!” Zoey insisted, her anger flaring. “Do you think I’m just going around telling people about us?”

Joan made a face - pinched and cold. “And what about the mousy woman?” She asked suddenly. “Have you told her as well?”

“Mousy…? Oh, Susan?” Zoey sighed at the reminder of her other problem. “She’s a… new friend.”

“Since when?” Joan demanded. “I’ve never seen you two together.”

“Look it…it’s hard to explain but…I feel like she needs a friend right now…and I can be that friend.”

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why does it have to be you?” 

“She wont talk to anyone else!” Zoey exclaimed, her frustrations with Susan, Joan, Simon, all of it starting to boil over. “And she’s not exactly an easy nut to crack! I know she’s really upset but she just wont open up to me and let me solve what’s wrong…”

“Solve what’s wrong?” Joan repeated. 

Zoey stopped, unnerved by the tone of Joan’s voice. It was as soft and fragile as when she’d told Zoey about her infertility. 

“Is she just another one of your emotional projects?” Joan asked, tears pricking her eyes. “Am _I_ just a project to you?”

Zoey’s stomach turned to ice. _I have to tell her…_ She’d put it off this long for no good reason. And now Joan was getting angry about her intuition. Surely this was the right time?

_Do it._

But just as she opened her mouth, trying to find some way to start this conversation, Joan’s whole demeanor shifted. Zoey paused as a strange whistled tune filled her apartment. 

_You are gonna find me out_

_You are gonna find me out_

Joan turned away from Zoey, rubbing her arms.

_My liver, my lungs, my arteries_

_And my cerebral faculties are curated_

_Oh, I know you see the best of me_

_But darling there’s just not much left of it_

_I don’t think I am any_

_Of the things you said I am_

_I don’t think I am any_

_Of the things you said I am_

Joan ran her hands down her inner thighs, tracing short lines as she went. 

_Yeah, you are gonna find me out_

_You are gonna find me out_

_My liver, my lungs, my arteries_

_And my cerebral faculties are curated_

_Oh, I know you see the best of me_

_But darling there’s just not much left of it_

Zoey weighed her options as reality returned, trying to keep her expression neutral. 

Joan didn’t need this kind of news right now. She was clearly angry and feeling vulnerable and not just because of whatever she thought Zoey had done. Zoey could put her reveal aside for another night and offer her comfort instead. “Joan…where is all this anger coming from?” 

Joan just turned away, glaring at the wall. “You’re dodging the question.” She observed. 

“Joan…I can’t read your mind…” Zoey insisted, because that was _technically_ true. “Please…Joan. Tell me what’s up?”

Joan just made a scoffing noise, face screwing up in derision. 

“Is it something to do with Simon?”

“No.” Joan finally snapped. 

“Good, because he really is just a friend. Susan too.” She took a step forward. “Joan…whatever it is, you can tell me…” She insisted, “I already know so much about you.”

“But not everything.” Joan shot back and Zoey couldn’t help but notice how she brushed her legs together at that comment. 

“Okay…but…you shouldn’t feel like…like you have to hide anything from me. I’m here. Whenever you’re ready.”

Joan shook her head, almost in disbelief. “You make too many allowances for me.” She told her, her voice finally sounding a little less hostile.

Zoey chuckled. “Well, that’s what you do when you lo…” Zoey bit her tongue but it was too late. 

But rather than relax, the words had made Joan cower, as if Zoey were threatening her with them. Zoey clapped her hands over her mouth, unaccountable tears pricking her eyes. 

_What the hell? Where did that come from?_

She glanced back to Joan. “J…Joan?”

But Joan was picking up her coat and grabbing her purse. “I didn’t want to do this!” She told a stunned Zoey. “Not today.”

Without another word, she brushed past her and stormed out of Zoey’s apartment. 

* * *

There was something wrong with her. Just on a fundamental human level.

_You cant NOT fuck up a good thing, huh?_

Joan massaged her temples, the hangover from the previous night haunting her like the ghost of every bad decision she’d ever made. She’d spent the wee hours of the night making a public appearance at a bar, drinking out of her mind and trying to make herself forget the tears in Zoey’s eyes. Anita had already texted her about a picture making the rounds on the internet. 

> _Good to see you out and about again._
> 
> _Can you try to look a little less pathetic next time?_

Joan sighed, pressing her face into her hands as remorse coursed through her. She knew that Zoey and Simon had their…whatever kind of friendship going on. But she hadn’t expected it to affect her so harshly. Nor the revelation that Zoey had apparently confided in him multiple times about her feelings. Surely she couldn’t expect Zoey to tell her everything, right? Charlie never had. 

But Zoey still didn’t feel comfortable telling her when she needed things or about her relationships with other people and that was too terrifyingly close to how her marriage had ended that it made her insides feel all out of place. 

_It’s just Charlie._ She told herself. _It’s just him and his stupid fiancé getting to you…_

But that didn’t excuse how she’d flirted with the bartender and gotten the number of the woman next to her at the bar just to distract herself from thinking about how Zoey had almost said the L-word. She would have kissed the drunk blonde at the bar if she’d been another drink deep into her bender. And that knowledge hurt. 

Someone stepped into her office and she tried to wave them away without leaving the safety of her hands. 

“Leif, whatever it is, Zoey can handle it.”

“Wish he saw it like that…”

Her head shot up at the familiar voice. 

Zoey smiled at her. “Hey.” She held out a coffee cup. “I uh…I…” When Joan didn’t take it, she placed it down on the desk instead. “I was worried about you…”

Joan said nothing, guilt at Zoey’s concern twisting up her insides while residual anger from last night had her wanting to ignore Zoey entirely. She settled instead for staring at the coder blankly. 

“Joan, I…I’m sorry.” Zoey began, in a low voice that only made her angrier and guiltier. “I’m sorry that Simon just showed up like that. I’m sorry we had a fight.”

_Zoey…you don’t need to apologize._

The words were right there. But she didn’t say them. 

“S…so,” Zoey stammered on, still fingering Joan’s coffee cup. “I…I just I know you were angry last night so I didn’t want to pressure you. But I wanted to make sure you were better today and…”

“Charlie’s getting married tonight.” Joan spat, her head throbbing. “So no…I’m not any better today.”

Zoey’s eyes widened. “Ahh.” She gave Joan a sympathetic look that had her insides all twisted up again.

“I just…” Joan ranted, head falling into her hands again. Why hide anything? Zoey was just going to intuit the answer, like always. “I _hate_ that he gets to show off how happy he is so soon. I _hate_ that I want to prove that I’m okay too. That even though he’s getting married again, I’m still on top of the world on my own…” She glanced up at Zoey. “Doesn’t that just make me a terrible person?”

Zoey shook her head but her eyes were wandering elsewhere. “No! You should be showing off how awesome you still are!”

Joan tilted her head. Something was off in Zoey’s tone. It wasn’t her usual unbreakable enthusiasm. “Really?” It came out far more sarcastic than she meant to.

Zoey nodded, her smile wavering. “Joan…you should go out. Forget Charlie and his dumb wedding. Have some fun.”

Joan considered the suggestion. “There is this event tonight that I was invited to by Warren Buffett…”

“That’s great!” Zoey insisted, voice sounding funny. “Go to that! Show off how great you are!”

“But…” _I don’t want to go without you._ The words were right there. But as always, Zoey seemed to infuriatingly pluck them right from her head when she was too cowardly to say them.

“I’ll be fine on my own for a night.” Zoey told her, fidgeting with her hands. “Go out and enjoy yourself…try to forget about Charlie.”

Joan scoffed. As if she could forget about him while wandering a fancy event alone, trying to ignore the nosy elites gossiping about her. She wished Zoey could be there. But Anita would have both their heads on a platter if they outed themselves today of all days. She waved Zoey away. “Back to work.” 

“See you tomorrow?” Zoey asked, her voice as soft as her face. 

“Depends how your pitch is going.” Joan replied. “I want it to be something I can be proud of.” Her mind was full of thoughts of how much better tonight would be if Zoey were there. If Zoey were dressed up and by her side all night, laughing and making fun of the uptight rich attendees she had nothing in common with. 

She hoped that someday it could be a reality. But right now, she didn’t see a path towards it. _She almost said she loves you last night and you ran away._

Zoey left, hands still fidgeting and Joan felt worse than she had before. She groped for the cup and took a sip of her coffee. A vanilla latte with an extra espresso shot. 

Joan stared out her office door as Zoey rejoined her team.

Zoey knew her coffee order…

It was as reassuring as it was troubling. 

* * *

“Zoey! Zo-loft!”

Zoey started up as Mo burst into her apartment, juggling her laptop slightly. She almost never brought work home but Leif had not been helpful on their pitch today and she’d been distracted and upset by Joan’s coldness towards her. So now she was stuck figuring out their timeline for the Chirp all alone and trying not to think about Joan spending the night out. 

“Mo…” She greeted, “what can I do for you…wow.” Her eyebrows rose. 

Mo was known for his gorgeous and extravagant outfits that always managed to be both loud and classy all at once. But this one was different. This one was much more formal and sleek.

“Get up, Zoey.” Mo insisted, posing in front of her. He took a dramatic stance. “We’re going out!”

“We…we’re what?” Zoey asked, a smile starting to creep up her face in spite of herself. She’d missed Mo’s antics of late as she’d been spending as much time with Joan as possible.

“Joan’s having her own night out among the masses.” Mo continued, “So you and me are having a girl’s night!”

Zoey had to laugh. “Mo…I don’t need to…I’m fine just spending the night in…”

Mo waved a hand, fixing her with a knowing and caring look. “Come on Zoey; you’ve been cut off too. Time to get out there and have a good time!”

She shuffled her feet. “It doesn’t feel right without Joan…” She hadn’t said it this morning but she was _dying_ for another real date with Joan. Nights in her apartment were fine, but there was something intriguing and necessary about going to a restaurant together and spending time together in public. Maybe the time together in a new setting being a real couple would ease Joan’s anxiety and anger.

“Bull.” Mo was saying, flipping a hand. “She’s having her night out, you need yours.”

Zoey considered it. “I mean…” When was the last time she’d gone out and just had a good time for the heck of it? Amicci’s? The Conference? No, it was probably at the club a few nights before the Watch launch party. Wow, that was a depressing thought. “Sure…sure! Okay.”

Mo nodded. “Good; you’ve learned not to fight me on this. Now, I’m crashing a party downtown: couple thousand a plate, very pricey. So imma get in and drop a bunch of fashion design business cards at the elites’ feet before security escorts me out.” He smirked at Zoey. “And I’d love a wingwoman. And a second pair of eyes to watch for security.”

Zoey sighed, already moving to put her work away. “I know this is just an excuse for you to dress me up…”

“Child, I don’t need an excuse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...also, keep in mind that I promised to always make the angst better.


	10. Takes My Breath Away

“Wow…this place is…” Zoey glanced around. “Different after dark…”

She hadn’t been the the SFMOMA in years. Art wasn’t really her thing - she’d once gotten excused from a field trip by claiming she was allergic to canvas - she preferred the Museum of Science.

But apparently, this was the swanky party that Mo was planning to crash.

Zoey watched in amazement as Mo picked the lock on the side entrance, sliding himself through the gap and beckoning her into the museum. They snuck down a darkened hallway towards the sounds of chatter, Zoey trying very hard not to trip on her dress.

Mo had dolled her up in a floor-length dark turquoise affair, complete with a low-cut bodice and superficial sleeves. But to Zoey’s horror, the dress had also contained a long slit on her left leg, running all the way up to just below her hip.

“Remind me to ask you why you apparently have sexy dresses in my size ready to go at a moment’s notice…” She bemoaned, adjusting her Louboutin heels as they reached the end of the hall and saw the real gala in full swing.

“A sense of charity, now.” Mo flicked a set of business cards at her. “Hand these out to anyone who compliments you. And if you see security poking around, tap me twice on the arm. We meet back here in two hours to make our daring escape.”

Without another word, he slid through the doors and sauntered across the party floor. Man and woman alike turned their heads, nodding in appreciation of Mo’s outfit.

With everyone watching Mo, Zoey slid out of hiding and dove into the crowd.

Well, this was better than watching TV at home alone, cursing Leif for not finishing the timeline. She wandered the party floor, gazing around at the art and the attendees, occasionally swiping an hors d’oeuvres off of a waiter’s tray. Most of them were actually quite good.

Some of the men were gazing at her and a few of the women as well. Zoey couldn’t help lifting her head slightly. She wished Joan could see her in this dress; she’d probably have a few choice things to say. 

“Is she really here tonight?”

Zoey ducked alongside a group of men in tuxes, one of whom looked vaguely familiar. She placed him as an actor but couldn’t recall his name or any of his movies.

He was chatting with another man; shorter and wearing glasses. She would have moved on but the response from Glasses had her feet stopping dead.

“Glad to see her out and about again after her split with Charlie.”

Zoey tensed. _What?_

Actor nodded. “Yeah, she kind of disappeared for a while there.”

“Well, she’s back on the market now!”

Actor smiled, missing Zoey’s open-mouthed reaction. “Think I’ve got a chance?”

Glasses nodded enthusiastically. “Maybe! I bet you she’s looking for a revenge hookup now that Charlie’s found himself a trophy wife.” Glasses leaned in closer, hand on Actor’s shoulder. “And, old college tip: if you ply her with enough drinks, she gets a little…wild.” Glasses smirked. “She once danced topless on a bar after ten tequila shots…and then made out with the bartender.”

Zoey couldn’t hear anymore. She stumbled away from the group, mind whirring with all the new information she was trying to process.

Joan getting wild…men thinking Joan was available…Joan and tequila….topless…that guy knew Joan in college…maybe Actor was from Game of Thrones…? Joan was here.

Joan…Joan was here.

She stopped alongside a bust of some vaguely European woman, letting a large group of waiters pass her with trays of champagne.

Then she saw her.

Zoey stopped, her heart trying to flutter out of her chest. There was Joan across the room, dressed in a sleek, black number that looked like it was woven from silk. Zoey’s heart shot up to her throat as she noticed the expanse of back the dress showed off and the straps that seamlessly wove together behind her woman’s neck. Joan’s long, wavy hair was done up in a high, tight bun. She was poised, elegant, indifferent. _Sexy_.

Zoey swallowed hard, shaking.

_Oh god, she’s beautiful…_

Joan was alone and stoic, sipping on an almost-empty champagne flute and looking thoroughly uninterested in anything around her.

Zoey wanted nothing more than to march up to her, tap her on the shoulder and bend her over in a romantic kiss. But she couldn’t. If anyone saw them here together…

Zoey tore her eyes away and tried to locate somewhere to hide. The door she’d entered from was between her and Joan and none of the windows had curtains. She spotted Mo across the room, bottle of champagne in hand as he casually chatted up a woman who looked old enough to be the Queen of England.

Shooting another glance back towards Joan, Zoey darted forward and tapped him furiously. “Mo…Mo!”

“Huh?” He turned, clearly distracted. “What is it Zoey?”

“ _Joan is here!_ ” Zoey hissed, trying to tuck herself behind Mo’s stature, “ _this_ is the gala Joan was attending tonight!”

“What?” Mo glanced around and caught sight of Joan. “Oh…wow.” He nodded. “How about that?” He clucked in disapproval. “She really should have gone with the one-shoulder instead…works better on her frame…” He nudged Zoey, “let me dress her next time?”

“ _You didn’t know_?!” Zoey hissed. She didn’t know if she should be glad that this wasn’t some kind of elaborate setup or cursing the universe for once again throwing them together.

Mo shook his head. “Nope. How was I supposed to know?” He swirled his champagne. “Well how about this…” He chuckled and took a swing from his pilfered bottle. “Has she noticed you yet?”

Zoey stiffened as non-orchestral music flooded her senses.

She glanced over her shoulder and felt her insides turn to electricity. Joan’s eyes met hers, soft and surprised. As time slowed, her mouth went from slack-jawed to singing.

_You say you’ll be down in five_  
 _The smell of your perfume_  
 _Is floating down the stairs_  
 _You’re fixing up your hair like you do_  
 _I know that I’ll be a mess_  
 _The second that I see you_  
 _You won’t be surprised_  
 _It happens every time_  
 _It’s not_ h _ing new_

The crowd all parted as one, stepping aside so there was an open corridor between them. Zoey glanced around, terrified at being on display like this, even if it was just in her mind.

Joan continued to Sing, placing her empty glass on a tray and nervously fixing her perfect hair.

_It’s always on a night like tonight_   
_I think that you can read my mind_   
_‘Cause when you look at me with those eyes_

Everything stopped, it was just the two of them. To Zoey, it seemed as if the world had frozen in place. Joan stretched out a hand, fingers curled like she could stroke Zoey’s face, even at that distance.

_I’m speechless_  
 _Staring at you, standing there in that dress_  
 _What it’s doing to me, ain’t a secret_  
 _‘Cause watching you is all that I can do_  
 _And I’m speechless_  
 _You already know that you’re my weakness_  
 _After all this time I’m just as nervous_  
 _Every time you walk into the r_ o _om_  
 _I’m speechless_

Joan wove in and out of the other guests, none of them seeming to notice her as she danced timidly. She didn’t move any closer to Zoey but her eyes roamed the coder in appreciation.

_It started when you said hello_  
 _Just did something to me_  
 _And I’ve been in a daze_  
 _Ever since the day that we meet_  
 _You take the breath out of my lungs_  
 _Can’t even fight it_  
 _And all of the words out of my m_ o _uth without even trying_

_And I’m speechless_  
 _Staring at you, standing there in that dress_  
 _What it’s doing to me, ain’t a secret_  
 _‘Cause watching you is all that I can do_  
 _And I’m speechless_  
 _You already know that you’re my weakness_  
 _After all this time I’m just as nervous_  
 _Every time you walk into the ro_ o _m_  
 _I’m speechless_  
 _Yeah, baby, mmm_

Zoey knew where this was going. She shivered. Oh god…she wanted Joan too. But…

She tried to glance away but her eyes immediately went back to Joan and bulged. Joan’s dance had become much more…sensual. She leaned against a wall and tugged her dress hem up with one hand while running her other hand across her bosom.

_It’s always on a night like tonight_  
 _I thank God you can read my mind_  
 _‘Cause_ w _hen you look at me with those eyes_

She pushed herself off the wall, hips swaying as she returned to her place.

_I’m speechless_  
 _You’re standing there in that dress_  
 _Girl it ain’t a secret_  
 _‘Cause watching you is all that I can do, oh_  
 _I’m speechless_  
 _You already know that you’re my weakness_  
 _After all this time I’m just as nervous_  
 _Every_ _time you walk into the room_  
 _I’m_ _speechless_

_Oh, you know it, baby_   
_Oh oh, mmm_

Joan gave her a smirk and a wink as her Song ended. Reality slowly restarted and all of Zoey’s arousal crashed right through her. She and Joan stared at each other from across the room, burning holes in each other’s faces. Zoey was having a challenging time separating the events of the Song from reality. All she could think about was Joan dancing so shyly, Joan’s hands running along her dress, Joan’s little wink…

“Zoey?” Mo was still trying to get her attention, the elderly woman having wandered away.

Zoey inhaled deeply, tearing her eyes away from a still-slack-jawed Joan. “Yeah…yeah I think she noticed…” she gave Mo a tense smile, color rising in her cheeks. “She’s a fan of the dress…particularly the slit.”

Mo raised his eyebrows. “A Song?”

She nodded, her mouth dry. “Uh huh…something about being speechless around me when I’m in this dress…”

Mo chuckled. “Hoo boy…she’s pullin’ out the heavy hitters…”

Zoey turned back and let out a soft squeak. Joan was coming towards them, her eyes still laser-focused on Zoey. She was so intent that she practically knocked people out of her way.

“How has no one figured out that she’s gay yet?” Mo murmured, raising his bottle to his lips with a smirk. “Well, dont start undressing in public.” He advised, already wandering away.

“Mo!” Zoey tried to grab his arm, missing by inches. “Don’t leave me!” She begged, “You cant leave us alone when we’re out in the open like this!”

“I think you’re fine, child.” Mo waved her away. “You don’t need a babysitter! And I’ve got business to drum up.” And he disappeared.

Now fully panicking and very turned on, Zoey glanced over her shoulder. Joan was closer now, her eyes were lidded and dark, her pupils huge. The corner of her mouth was fixed up in a bemused smirk. Zoey knew that look, it was the same look that Joan got right before initiating sex. It undid her completely at the best of times.

If that Song was any indication, she needed to get Joan away from prying eyes as quickly as possible.

Stumbling in her heels, she made for the corner, praying to the universe that there was nothing down the next hallway. She darted past the chatty college friend of Joan’s and heard a pair of heels rapidly gaining on her.

_Holy hell, she moves fast!_

Zoey darted around another group of guests and quite suddenly found herself face-to-er- _chest_ with a bosom of black lace. She staggered backwards to avoid a collision, nearly tripping and falling on her butt.

Joan swayed in front of her, eyes fixed on the coder like she was a solider returning home from war. “ _Zoey_ …” She breathed.

She tried to smile. “H…hey…” Her eyes misbehaved now that Joan was this close. Her hands were already twitching. Joan’s gaze set her insides ablaze.

This was dangerous.

Seizing her arm, Zoey pulled Joan towards the end of the hall, her eyes searching all around them. Thankfully, no one seemed to be paying them any mind.

They rounded the corner as quickly as they could, Zoey still swinging her head back and forth. The empty hallway in front of them had barely registered in Zoey’s mind when she found herself being shoved inside a door. She stumbled backwards, nearly tripping over a mop.

“J…Joan…what…?”

But Joan had already closed the closet door on them, plunging them into near darkness. She groped forward in the tiny space and pressed herself up against Zoey, lips and all. Zoey slammed against the wall, hands going to Joan’s exposed back instinctively.

Despite the setting, and the situation, and the flare of arousal wiping away every coherent thought, Zoey still found herself relaxing into the kiss.

Even if they fought, Joan still wanted her. So much so that she apparently couldn’t control herself, even at such a high-profile event. It was intoxicating, to be wanted so badly.

She moaned softly as Joan’s lips parted, their tongues meeting. Joan’s hand was already sliding up the accursed slit, her hand hot on Zoey’s exposed thigh.

“Joan…” Zoey gasped, her hands already curling into Joan’s hair, loosing it from it’s tight bun. She was careful not to tug. “Joan…about earlier…”

“Shhh…” Joan pressed a finger to Zoey’s lips. “Later…” She nipped Zoey’s collarbone, making her whimper. “Don’t want anyone hearing…”

Zoey glanced at the door. “…right…of course not.”

Joan didn’t seem to notice. She was making needy little whimpers as she ran her hands down Zoey’s sides. Zoey threw her arms around the taller woman’s neck, her body arcing towards her. She stifled a moan as Joan’s fingers danced across her exposed thigh, finding the hem of her panties.

God, this was so dumb of them.

“Shhh…Zoey…” Joan purred in her ear. Her fingers hooked and Zoey’s damp panties slid down her legs.

“Ngghhh!”

“Shhh…” Joan’s gentle shushing was turning her feelings into lethal weapons. Her arousal was tearing at her insides, her excitement was pricking at her skin.

Joan kissed her again, hand still on Zoey’s thigh, lips firm against her and Zoey’s devotion sent her drifting into infinite space.

When she pulled away, Zoey forgot where she was.

“J…Joan?” She couldn’t make her out in the dimness.

But then she felt the edge of her dress lift and a warm body slide underneath. Joan nipped at her thighs now, her teeth bruising the tender skin with startling efficiency.

“Mmmmppph!” Zoey had to stuff her fist in her mouth and grope for stability with her other hand as Joan dove tongue-first into her. She ended up splay-legged, gripping a shelf, fist in her mouth, and hips rocking desperately.

It was utterly unreal.

She bit down on her knuckles as fingers joined the tongue.

If you’d told her a year ago - scratch that, three months ago - that Joan would be fucking her senseless in a broom closet of a swanky museum in fancy dresses and that it’d be the most sensual and exciting experience of her life, she’d have thought she’d fallen through a portal into another dimension.

Her stomach tightened as Joan licked a long line up her slit. Her chest felt like she’d tied a belt around it with the pressure of all her stifled sounds. Hands griped her butt, squeezing in delight and drawing her deeper into Joan’s mouth.

Zoey lost her grip on the shelf and flailed desperately before somehow finding Joan’s shoulder in the mess below. She swore she could feel Joan smirking against her folds.

Zoey clenched her jaw tightly around her fist, unable to stifle all the sound but making a valiant attempt. Joan was thrusting with her tongue now. She knew Zoey was close and she was enjoying making her wait.

Joan fingered Zoey’s clit and suddenly everything was melting. Her hips ground into Joan’s face, heat shooting through her and turning everything into sensation. A long, soft whistle of escaping air squeezed out around her fist but she couldn’t have stifled it if she tried.

Zoey went limp, tension vanishing and air rushing in through her nose.

She’d never felt so utterly fucking trashed after sex. Her hair fell in wisps against her face, shaken loose by the passion of her experience. Beads of sweat were trailing down her neck and back.

Joan seemed just as far gone. She was gently kissing Zoey’s thighs, the action comforting but seemingly mindless as well.

Zoey finally caught her breath enough to unclench her jaw. Her hand was bruised, indented with her desperate teeth marks. She felt for Joan’s head under her dress. For a moment, they just stayed like that, panting, Joan’s face on Zoey’s thigh, Zoey’s hand caressing her hair.

Finally, Joan shifted, reemerging from under Zoey’s dress.

She straightened up, shifting uncomfortably and grumbling slightly about her knees. But she leaned into Zoey. The coder clung to her. Her legs weren’t quite up to the task of supporting her after all that.

“Wh…what are you doing here…?” Joan finally said, as if it were five minutes ago in the hallway with the other guests. Her arms wrapped securely around Zoey’s waist. Her bun had come loose from her minstrations, her hair cascading around her shoulders. 

“I…” Zoey shuddered, still having trouble breathing. “I…decided…a night out…was in order…”

Joan stroked her face, cupping Zoey’s cheek. She still seemed slightly out of it, drunk or perhaps high. “How…how did you know that I was…how much I wanted to…?”

“I…I…” Zoey bit her lip. This was not the time or the place. Right? “I could see it in your eyes…” she half-lied.

Joan smirked at her in the dim light, eyes lidded. “That obvious huh?”

“Mo thought so too.”

Joan blinked. “Mo was here?”

“I…we didn’t know this was your thing…” Zoey defended, her lips loose after such an experience. “I just…Mo said I needed to go have some fun and I just…” She paused, her mind returning to the argument they’d had and Joan’s coldness towards her that morning. And all the things she should have said last night. “Joan…you’re not just a project to me.”

Joan let out a tiny sound, something between a scoff and a sigh of relief.

Zoey stroked Joan’s face, pulling their foreheads together. “You can trust me Joan. I don’t want anyone else but you.” She bit her lip again, heart thudding. She had to tell her. She couldn’t lose Joan. Not after all this. “I….I…”

“I love you.”

The soft whisper undid her more than the orgasm had. Zoey could barely make out Joan’s face in the dim light. But they were pressed so close together that she could hear Joan’s heart hammering. And the undercurrent of soft music was as good a clue as any.

“I…” Zoey took a deep breath, her brain floating on a soft cloud. “Thank you…”

The music stopped.

Zoey froze, the cloud clogging up her thoughts. _What the fuck? ‘Thank you’? Who the hell says ‘thank you’ after that?_

But before she could figure out just what in her repository was so corrupted that she suddenly couldn’t say it back, Joan pulled away from her. Zoey couldn’t see her face.

“Come on, we can’t stay in here…”

She pulled Zoey’s underwear back up and fixed her dress and hair as best she could in the dark.

Zoey was quiet the whole time. _What the actual fuck?_

Joan listened at the door for a moment and then took Zoey’s arm to gently lead her out. Zoey clung to the contact, her legs still shaky from their fooling around and her head still stuck back in that dark, vulnerable corner.

They emerged into the bright, mercifully empty hallway. Around the corner they could hear the sounds of some kind of commotion.

Joan led them back towards it, arm still supporting Zoey. But just as they reached the corner, she paused. Their faces locked and despite everything, Joan still gave her a brilliant smile. 

Zoey fumbled for anything to say. “I should…”

“Yeah…”

“You…?”

Joan squeezed her arm. “Just go.” She didn’t look back at Zoey as she let go.

Zoey scampered away, darting back through the oblivious guests on wobbly legs. Her thighs still burned with the imprints of Joan’s teeth, her core glowed with the residual warmth of her orgasm.

_What are we doing?_

Was there something wrong with her that she couldn’t say it back? Or was it just because she was still hiding part of herself from the women who…who _loved_ her?

She wandered aimlessly, searching for Mo among the guests and ignoring the couple of strange looks she got from people. But after a time, it seemed Mo had left her to her own devices.

As she circled back to their meet-up spot, her phone rang. On autopilot she fished it out of her side-bag clutch and answered.

“Hello?”

“Zoey? Oh thank god…”

She winced. “Hey mom…now’s really not…”

“Zoey, honey? Your dad had a fall.”

She stopped dead, her mind obliterating into a million fragments. Everything faded away, turning to dull high-pitched noise.

_This is it. He…he’s…_

“He’s hurt but the paramedics are getting him into the ambulance.”

Her brain struggled to hold onto that. “Wh…when…?” He was still alive. For now at least. That was something to hold on to.

“Howie was trying to help him up the stairs and they both slipped.” Her mother’s voice was thick but determined, soldiering on through the conversation. “David’s meeting us at the hospital.”

“I…I’ll be there.” Zoey insisted, her voice still shaking.

She hung up, body still flushed with adrenaline and fear at the averted crisis. Her brain was slowly stitching back together, thoughts half-formed and desperate.

Her mind immediately went to Joan. Joan was right here, she could ask and she knew Joan would move mountains for her, no questions asked. She’d summon one of her many private cars and have them at the hospital in half the time with expensive coffee at the ready. She’d brave another encounter with Zoey’s mom and grit her teeth through whatever that entailed. She’d hold Zoey while she cried and panicked, comforting her without words. But what kind of person would she be if she asked that of Joan right now, after her colossal failure in the closet?

Paralyzed and still thinking in disjointed lines, Zoey hit a contact in her phone on reflex.

“Zoey…? It’s late what’s up…? Zoey? Why are you crying? Where are you? I’m on my way.”

* * *

To Zoey’s relief, her dad was okay. The doctors said he was very lucky, all things considered: just a few bruises, a back strain, and a minor concussion. He was a little out of it from the pain meds but he was okay. He was okay.

Zoey clung to her dad’s side as often as possible, grasping his hand and breathing in his scent. He was okay.

Max had picked her up at the museum, asking no questions and tearing his eyes away from her dress to focus on driving his roommate’s car. He hadn’t left her side the whole time at the hospital, letting her cling to his arm as they waited and watching everything with a fierce, protective gaze.

She wished it had been Joan instead.

They left after midnight, after the doctor cleared Mitch for release and they all drove back to the house. Zoey felt hollowed out and on edge, the scare making everything else that day and night had held pale in comparison.

She could only imagine how her mom must be feeling. Part of her ached in empathy and shared sorrow, wanting to hug her mother tight and comfort her. But part of her still couldn’t forgive her for everything that had happened with Joan once she saw how Maggie treated Max’s presence on this night.

Zoey knew her mom was carefully watching her every interaction with Max, making a note of every time he touched her or gave her a look like he was going to step in front of a bus for her. It made her sick.

As Max helped Howie set up a spare bed in the office for Mitch to sleep on, Maggie finally turned to her. “So…where’s Joan tonig…?”

“Mom, please.” Zoey cut her off, squeezing her eyes shut. “Not tonight.”

Maggie respected her wishes. But when Max brought the car around for Zoey to take her home, Zoey couldn’t help the small flare of resentment at her mother’s approving smile.

* * *

After the whole ordeal, it was way past midnight. Zoey stumbled home, slipping out of the dress as soon as her door shut behind her.

She was almost ready for bed when someone pounded furiously on her door.

“Not now Mo!” Zoey groaned, slouching over to the door. “I promise…all the details will be coming tomorrow over lots, and lots of coffee…”

But as she pulled open the door, her exhaustion evaporated.

“ _You_. Are. A. _Fucking_. Nightmare.”

Zoey blinked in confusion, trying to wrap her head around the sight of an absolutely seething Anita on her doorstep.

But just as she started to process that, she had to process a seething Anita standing in her living room.

Zoey stumbled into the room after her, somehow remembering to close her front door. “How…how do you know where I live?” She finally managed.  
“I know everything about you, now focus.” Anita snapped. “You are making my life a living hell and I’d appreciate it if you could just let up a little!” Her accent made certain words pop with fury, so much so that Zoey almost couldn’t understand what she was saying.

“Okay, then what are you doing here?”

“ _Why do you think I’m here?_ ”

Zoey glanced her up and down, still not convinced this wasn’t a stress-dream. Despite the late hour, Anita was as well dressed as if she’d also been at the gala: in a designer off-the-shoulder purple dress the probably cost more than Zoey’s apartment. Aside from a few smudges in her makeup, she looked damn good.

“Ummm…” Zoey tried to focus (and also tried not to feel smaller than she already was alongside her, dressed as she was in her sweats and favorite NASA shirt). “I…I really don’t know…does…?” she hesitated, “does Joan…Joan know that you’re…?”

“Joan got my first call.” Anita snapped. “But in typical her fashion, she didn’t answer and I don’t leave voicemails. So now I’m here. Because _someone_ has to answer for this!”

“For what?” Zoey asked, feeling like she was trying to run a mental marathon with her legs tied together. Wait…that metaphor didn’t really work…

“You really have no idea?” Anita exploded. “You have no FUCKING idea why I’m at your crappy apartment at 3 in the morning, lamenting my choice of client?” She shook her head, pulling out her phone. “God, the questionable choices I make for Joan’s own good…one of these days, her scandals are going to kill me…”

But as Zoey watched, Anita’s face suddenly peered up from her screen, smirking.

_This was never the way I planned_  
 _Not my intention_  
 _I got so brave, drink in hand_  
 _Lost my discretion_  
 _It’s not what, I’m used to_  
 _Just wanna try you on_  
 _I’m curious for you_  
 _Caught my at_ t _ention_

_I kissed a girl and I liked it_

Zoey’s eyes widened. “What?”

  
_The taste of her cherry chapstick_  
 _I kissed a girl just to try it_  
 _I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it_  
 _It felt so wrong_  
 _It felt so right_  
 _Don’t mean I’m in love tonight_  
 _I kissed a girl and I like_ d it  
 _I liked it_

The Song ended abruptly, leaving Zoey disoriented and confused. It seemed out of place and not at all like something Anita was supposed to be feeling at this particular moment.

Vaguely, Zoey wondered if her powers were affected by her exhaustion and she was just hearing random things. She hoped so, she couldn’t imagine trying to help Anita with anything, let alone her sexuality. Anita outright _hated_ her.

She shook herself, realizing that she’d never answered Anita’s question.

“No…no I really don’t…?”

“Someone saw you.” Anita informed her, glowering. “Together.”

This was too much. This was way too much excitement for one night.

Her poor heart wanted to crawl into bed and wallow in the extremes of the night. But now, it was off to the races again and Zoey being dragged along behind it.

“Wh…what?”

Anita shoved her phone into her face. “Nice work.”

It was a 5 second Snapchat video of the two of them: post-closet, arm-in-arm, Joan’s hair loose and Zoey’s barely keeping together. It was too far away to make out their conversation but Joan’s smile came through.

A bright, flashy banner splashed across the video asked: _“Who’s the tiny red-head, **Mrs**. Bennett?”_

Heart plummeting, Zoey turned to Anita.

But the publicist could only shrug. “Never underestimate the power of a bored tech blogger.”

Overwhelmed, Zoey sank onto her couch. The only appropriate thing she could think to say was: “Holy fu-”


	11. I hope that you can keep it

Zoey stumbled out of her apartment only a few hours after Anita finally left, still exhausted and more than a little anxious about what the day might hold. She hadn’t been able to sleep, instead she’d done everything she could to try to find and hack the original account so she could delete the video. But then she’d realized that not only would that be incredibly suspicious, it wouldn’t solve the problem. The problem was the millions of screenshots the blogger’s followers had surely already taken and shared themselves. So she’d settled for worrying and plotting out ethically-difficult programs to erase such screenshots until the sun came up.

Zoey chewed on her lip as she locked her door. 

Had anyone seen the video? What did it mean? Were they going to be fully out now? Was Joan going to be mad? Relieved? How was everyone else going to react?

“Mo!” She started out of her thoughts as her friend propped open his door.

“Going anywhere with you is hazardous to my health…” He complained, head wrapped up in a muslin turban and an enormous cup of coffee in his hands. 

“How…how did last night go?” Zoey asked him, grimacing in sympathy. 

“Well, when I realized where you two were headed and what you were about to do, I may have staged a dramatic distraction to give you time to get it on, get it off, and get your asses back in order.” He took a long drink of his coffee. “You’re welcome.”

“Thank you.” Zoey assured him. “I wont forget this…” She didn’t mention that it may not have mattered anyway thanks to an ambitious Snapchatter. 

“Well, I wont either.” Mo complained, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. “I ran a full three blocks in heels to escape security. I looked like a drag queen that had just robbed a wig store. Well, enjoy today Zo-loft. Someone should.”

He shut his door in her face before she could say anything else.

Guilty and now even more uneasy, Zoey headed downstairs. 

Halfway down, she ran into Max.

She blinked, sure he was a hallucination from lack of sleep. “Wh…what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to check on you.” He said, handing her a coffee. “You know, after last night.” 

Immediately, her mind jumped to the worse case scenario. “Max, I know what it looked like but let me explain…”

“You don’t need to explain Zoey.” He gently cut her off. “Your dad had a fall, you needed help. I was happy to help.”

She snapped her mouth shut. “Right…” _The other emergency from last night._ In the panic of the video, she’d managed to put her worry for her father out of her mind for a few hours. “Th…thank you for that…again.” Her head was swimming from lack of sleep and the torrent of thoughts and emotions running through her mind. She was so grateful that Max had stepped up and helped, otherwise her night would have been a lot worse and far more difficult. But she had a strange sense of guilt about the whole ordeal. 

“Anytime.” Max smirked at her. “Now drink up. You look like shit.”

Zoey chugged her coffee. “Gee, thanks.” She tossed the cup in a trash bin. “I need to buy another one of those before we get to work…”

“I’ll do you one better,” Max told her, holding open the door for her. “let me buy you lunch today…I’m thinking a food court…”

* * *

“Joan is in rare form today.” Tobin greeted before they could even step from the elevator.

Zoey’s anxiety twisted back to full strength. “W…what?”

“She’s on the war path.” Tobin informed them, chasing Zoey and Max towards their desks, skipping slightly to keep up. “She’s yelled at six people so far, two of them for pouring milk with the ‘wrong hand’ and has threatened to fire Glenn for the quote: “sin of existing”.”

Zoey tried to shoot a glance towards Joan’s office but Max was blocking her view. “Any…any idea why she’s…?”

Tobin shrugged. “Ava looked at her this morning, interest rates are wrong, or menopause is setting in: take your pick. Personally, I’m betting on the menopause.”

“Tobin!” Zoey snapped her mouth shut as Max unexpectedly told the other coder off. “Not cool dude.” He glanced at Zoey, almost for approval.

Tobin raised his hands. “Look, I don’t know I was just spit-balling. And Joan’s definitely old enough for…”

“Okay, enough.” Zoey finally butted in, mainly to avoid Max’s gaze. 

Leif glared over at them but for once, he had nothing to say. Tobin turned to Zoey. “Zoey, go talk to her.”

“Me?”

Max nodded in agreement. “Yeah, she’s always better after you talk to her.” He grinned at her. “Go work your magic.”

The words were innocent but Zoey’s face still flushed at the implications. She darted away from the boys, leaving Tobin to explain to Max just how terrifying it was to witness Joan emasculate Glenn over something to do with his choice in shirts.

As she stepped into Joan’s office, seeing the woman hunched over her tablet and cursing under her breath, Zoey found her voice wasn’t quite up to the task of pretending. Not after last night and definitely not after Anita’s visit.

She took a deep breath, her stomach twisting nervously at being around Joan again. “H…hi…hiya…”

Joan blushed as their eyes met. She unfolded herself and leaned back with a sigh. Zoey wanted so badly to touch her, to massage the tension from her shoulders. But touching Joan right now was a BAD IDEA of the worst sort. 

“I had an unexpected visitor early this morning…” Zoey began, tracing a finger along the edge of the desk.

“She told me.” Joan sighed, pushing her glasses up off her face. “My phone’s been blowing up with her texts all morning. She’s on her way here. Probably to chew me out for being so dumb.”

Zoey grimaced. “Just how bad is it?” She’d stayed off of Twitter this morning, afraid of what might be circulating. 

Joan stood, facing away from her. “I have no idea.” 

“But no one saw us in the…”

“People still saw us together at the event.” Joan interrupted her. “It’s all or nothing with these things. All it takes is one photo to get a rumor going. Doesn’t matter if it’s a handhold or…” she grimaced, shot Zoey a glance and blushed again. “…a defilement of an innocent public closet…”

Zoey flushed a deep red. “well for what it’s worth, that closet had it coming. We’ve both been in it way too long.”

Joan laughed and Zoey momentarily didn’t care what the internet dug up. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. If none of the guys had accosted her yet, it probably wasn’t getting too much attention. Leif was sure to mention if anything even slightly outside the norm surfaced and Tobin could always be counted on for gossip. 

And Joan had said she loved her last night.

Somehow, in all the chaos she’d forgotten that. 

A deep calm ran though her as she watched the older woman gesture and tidy her immaculate desk. Joan loved her. 

But the feeling was immediately punctured as she remembered her own failing right after. 

“I’m sorry for that…” Joan was saying. She plowed on before Zoey could assure her that the apology wasn’t necessary. “I just…sometimes I just cant control myself in situations like that…” She looked away from Zoey at the statement, jaw clenched. “I’ll be better…”

Zoey didn’t know how to respond to that. She hung there, mouth half open, unable to think of what to say next. Anita’s Song from last night drifted back to her. Was it possible that…?

“But you already knew that…didn’t you?” Joan continued, turning back slightly.

“What?”

“You knew that I was going to lose control. That I was ready to kiss you in front of everyone there…” Joan walked closer, staring into her eyes. “How did you know?”

Zoey trembled. She had to tell her. They were getting too deep into this for Zoey to continue to keep it a secret. She’d almost told her so many times…this had to end before it got too complicated. 

“Joan…I-”

But just as she took a deep breath, trying to find some way to start this impossible conversation, familiar music flooded into her head.

_No…come on…._

Zoey turned. 

Susan was crossing the floor, stack of papers in hand, looking down and adjusting her glasses. 

Zoey sagged. No, once again it was just more doting on other people, solving their problems instead of living her own life…

She spared Joan a sad glance as time warped, pulling her into the reality of Susan’s far-too-familiar Song and dance. 

_Help me_

_It’s like the walls are caving in_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

_But I just can’t_

_It isn’t in my blood_

Zoey watched impassively, the dance so familiar to her now that she could do it in her sleep.

 _Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing_  
 _I’m overwhelmed and insecure, give me something_  
 _I could take to ease my mind slow_ ly  
 _Just have a drink and you’ll feel better_

_Just take her home and you’ll feel better_

_Keep tellin’ me that it gets better_

_Does it ever?_

_Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in_  
 _Sometimes I feel like giving up_  
 _No medicine is strong enough_  
 _Someone help me_  
 _I’m crawling in my skin_  
 _Sometimes I feel like giving up_  
 _But I just_ _can’t_

 _It isn’t in my blood_  
 _It isn’t in my_ _blood_!

But just as Susan finished her usual verse, the elevator dinged and Anita stepped out, head in her phone. Without missing a beat, she took over the Song.

_I’m looking through my phone again, feeling anxious_   
_Afraid to be alone again, I hate this_   
_I’m tryna find a way to chill, can’t breathe, oh_   
_Is there somebody who could help me?_

_It’s like the walls are caving in_   
_Sometimes I feel like giving up_   
_No medicine is strong enough_

She looked up, clutching her phone tightly to her chest and tracing her naked ring finger obsessively. Zoey had never seen the uptight woman look quite so vulnerable, alone, and scared. Now fully engrossed, she stepped out of the office slightly to watch Anita dance.

 _Someone help me_  
 _I’m crawling in my skin_  
 _Sometimes I feel like giving up_  
 _But I just_ can’t

Susan joined back in, voice in perfect harmony with Anita’s. They danced back to back, choreography mirroring each other flawlessly, hands mere inches from meeting.

_It isn’t in my blood_   
_It isn’t in my blood_

_I need somebody now_  
 _I need somebody now_  
 _Someone to help me out_  
 _I need somebody_ _now_

 _Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in_  
 _Sometimes I feel like giving up_  
 _But I just_ _can’t_

 _It isn’t in my blood_  
 _It isn’t in my blood, oh, oh_  
 _It isn’t in my blood_  
 _I need somebody now_  
 _It isn’t in my blood_  
 _I need somebody now_  
 _It isn’t_ in my blood!

The two finished on either side of the reception wall staring straight at each other but unable to see each other. Slowly, like waking up from a dream, they went their separate ways: Anita burying her head in her phone again and Susan back into her papers. 

Zoey shook herself as reality restarted around her. She was half-leaning out of Joan’s office, eyes fixed on Susan as the mousy woman scampered across the floor.

So maybe that was it…maybe she had to get the two of them to meet? The prospect of _finally_ cracking the Susan conundrum was too tempting an opportunity to pass up.

“Zoey…?” Joan was looking at her, eyebrows furrowed in concern. “You okay? What did you want to tell me?” Her eyes flicked to Susan, momentarily clouding.

Zoey sprang up, “Joan I…I’ll be right back.”

Joan looked at her strangely. “O-okay?”

With a forced smile, Zoey scampered from the office, hating herself for her cowardice. But, she reasoned, if she needed to get Susan and Anita to meet, when was another opportunity likely to present itself?

“Susan!” She called. 

The woman looked up, eyebrows coming together slightly when she saw Zoey but otherwise showing no reaction. “Hey Zoey.” She hugged her papers to her chest. “Is this another of our coffee outings?”

“Nope. There’s someone I want you to meet.” Without giving the mousy woman time to protest, Zoey grabbed her arm and hauled her towards Anita. Susan stumbled along behind her, confused. 

“Anita!” Zoey called, “wait up!”

The publicist rolled her eyes, pulling her face away from her phone. Her face was perfectly made up once more but Zoey once again noticed slight smudges in her eye makeup. “Zoey, I’m far too busy too…” But Anita paused upon seeing Susan hanging back behind Zoey. “Oh…well hello to you.”

Susan froze, her hand going limp. “Uhhh he…hello. Hello. HELL-o.”

Zoey glanced at her, eyebrow raising in delight. 

Susan’s face was turning an almost comical shade of red. Her glasses had slid so far down her nose that there was no way they were still useful. “You…you are very attractive.” Susan said in her direct, matter-of-fact way.

Anita paused, dumbfounded. Then a cat-like grin stretched across her face. “Well, _yes_ , thank you. But it’s always nice to hear…” Her eyes flicked to Zoey then back. “And how exactly do you know one of my least favorite people at the moment?

Susan made an odd grunting noise. “I get coffee with Zoey.” Her eyes darted down and back up rapidly and she stammered out a confused series of syllables. 

Then it all clicked for Zoey.

_Oh, of course._

A smirk crept across her face. She knew how to help Susan. And possibly help Anita as well.

“Susan works here.” Zoey told Anita. “I just had a…hunch you two would get along.”

Anita glanced between them. “Well…we’ll have to see, wont we?” She straightened up. “Susan, I have to go clean up a mess two massive _idiotas_ made. When I’m finished, want to grab a coffee?”

“I get coffee with Zoey.” Susan replied, sounding like a broken record. Her face was still bright red, eyes permanently huge.

“I promise I wont get mad if you get some with Anita.” Zoey assured her. “You two have fun!” Smiling at Susan, her heart leaping in gay-solidarity, she swept Anita away, back towards Joan’s office.

“Look who I found!” She exclaimed, trying to lighten the mood. 

Joan stood, eyes narrowed. “Anita.”

Anita walked over to her, seeming distracted. “ _Hola_ , Joan-ita.” She kissed Joan on both cheeks, eliciting a soft hum of familiar music.

Zoey stiffened, unable to stop herself from glaring. So she hadn’t imagined the Song last night. 

She bit back the accusatory question clawing at her throat as Anita pulled back from Joan.

“So…” Joan folded her arms, cheeks tinged a soft pink that Zoey didn’t like. “What am I buying you to bury this?”

Anita tore her gaze away from where Susan was setting up her papers in the meeting room, shaking herself slightly. “So far, just a new set of wheels.” She pulled out her tablet. “Thankfully, the fact that you keep insignificant company makes this harder to blow up into a scandal.”

“‘Insignificant…?’” Zoey muttered. She stepped forward as she realized with a flash of indignation that Anita had cut her off from the conversation. 

“No one can place little Zoey here in the video.” Anita was saying, swiping to find something. “Guess anonymity has _some_ perks. I’ve taken the liberty of deleting Zoey’s social media photos so a match is a _little_ harder to find.”

“Wait, you what?”

“In the meantime, the rumor mill has decided that they don’t know what you two are to each other.” Anita continued, still only addressing Joan. She grimaced slightly, “…and they’ve come up with a nickname for Zoey.”

She turned her screen around. Joan, who’d been silent and unmovable up till then, leaned forward and chuckled. 

Stepping up beside her, Zoey read the handful of gossip headlines splashed across Anita’s screen.

> **_Who is the ginger sidekick?_ **
> 
> **_Ginger sidekick - friend or femme?_ **
> 
> **_What the ginger sidekick means for Charlie’s nuptials._ **
> 
> **_Is Joan Bennett finding a passion for mentoring? - the evidence of the ginger sidekick._ **

Zoey breathed a sigh of relief. “Not the most flattering superhero name…” She commented, biting back a smile.

“Be thankful it’s not Red Dwarf…” Joan returned, a mischievous glint in her eye.

“Now see, that one I could get behind…” Zoey argued. “It works on multiple levels and gives me street cred for my space knowledge!”

Joan sniggered, covering her mouth. 

Anita rolled her eyes. “Can you two stop nerding out for two seconds? You’re going to give me a stomachache.” She pulled the tablet back, beginning to type something. “We need to get ahead of this: I bought us maybe half a day with erasing Zoey’s face from the internet.” Zoey glared at her but Anita didn’t notice. “But soon enough, someone she knows is going to come across this and blab. So let’s get our story straight. Zoey: you’re Joan’s charity case from a mentorship program…you ran into each other unexpectedly at the gala when Zoey crashed to try to boost her network…” She pursed her lips, a smile beginning to pull at her face. “And now for a distraction…” she waved a hand at Joan, “ooh, let’s drop the photo of Charlie at that _Phish_ concert…I’ve been saving that one for a rainy day…”

Joan nodded, a smirk pulling at her face. “Sure, go for it.” Her face sobered as she glanced at Zoey. “But…shouldn’t we discuss the beginning of…you know…getting _this_ out there?”

Anita, who had been gleefully tapping away on her tablet screen, balked and looked up. “Joan, we can’t have the full story drifting around, not now!” She waved a hand. “Just give it two months for Charlie to settle back into the background and…”

“And then what?” Zoey interrupted, feeling more than a little ignored. “Just do an out and proud cover story?”

Anita looked at her like she had genuinely forgotten that Zoey was there. “I mean, I don’t think _Vogue_ will be interested. But I might be able to swing _WIRED_ if their editor has forgiven me for the Chat-chi incident…”

“Wait a minute, since when was _this_ a plan?” Joan demanded, tensing up. “I never agreed to a full-blown cover story.”

“Joan, there’s a process for these things. You know that.” Anita waved a hand, buried in her tablet again. “It’s a possibility we need to prep for. And don’t worry; you two might not even be together long enough to…”

“Long enough to what?” Zoey snapped, sick of hearing this as if she wasn’t standing right there. 

Both of them turned to her, eyes flashing but Zoey wasn’t intimidated. Her fury at Anita was drowning out her rational mind. “You don’t think we’re going to last…you haven’t thought that since the beginning!”

“Well…” Anita glanced at Joan. “yeah.” She said it as if it were obvious and Zoey were stupid to think otherwise.

Joan wasn’t looking at Zoey, her face twisted uncomfortably. 

Zoey’s anger boiled. “You don’t know us. You don’t know our relationship and yet you assume I’m just going to cause trouble for Joan. But Joan is a part of this too!”

“But I know Joan. And I trust Joan to know what she wants.” Anita pointed out, completely calm. 

“I know what I want!” Zoey snapped. She gestured towards the office floor, “I’d stand on the conference table and shout for the whole company to hear that Joan and I are…!”

A hand suddenly slapped over her mouth, cutting off her loud declaration. Zoey’s eyes slid sideways, her heart plummeting off its angry high as she realized Joan was the one who had silenced her, not Anita. 

“You’re only proving me right, kid.” Anita informed her, shaking her head as Joan slowly removed her hand. “The public loves spectacles and you seem to have a special flair for them: breaking up a celebrity couple in your chosen career field, cozying up to your boss not long after your promotion, being the breakout star of an international tech conference, causing a scandal involving Joan and her ex, crashing a party far outside of your price range...” She eyed Zoey again and this time, Zoey felt just the tiniest amount of pity in her gaze. “Having a family member dying of the very rare Progressive Supranuclear Palsy…”

Zoey’s eyes widened, horrified that Anita had dug up so much of her private life already. “And I did this out of a duty to protect you.” Anita continued, without an ounce of regret or apology, “Imagine mourning while surrounded by cameras looking for ways to hurt you. Why do you think Joan ran away to the conference just after her divorce went public?”

Zoey glanced at Joan for some kind of solidarity but the older woman wasn’t looking at her. Why couldn’t she look at her?

Anita gathered up her purse. “Cool off, Zoey. Think it through, and decide if you’re really ready for this kind of public relationship. Once you open that box, no one will let you close it again.”

She turned back to Joan. “I’m going to set up in your conference room so we can work on damage control.” Anita leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek again. “Meet me when you’re ready…”

The publicist brushed past Zoey but she was too shell-shocked to care. She was alone with Joan and Joan still couldn’t seem to look at her. 

“I…I’m sorry…” Zoey began, trying to mediate whatever had just been shoved between them. Her angry outburst ashamed her but Joan’s silencing still hurt. “I…I shouldn’t have…”

“Just get back to work Zoey…” Joan said softly, gathering up her tablet. “We need this pitch to be perfect when Danny arrives.”

Joan brushed past her as well, leaving her with only a brief touch on her shoulder that felt more like a dismissal than a reassurance. Zoey watched as Joan crossed to the conference room, joining Anita to plot out a world she didn’t belong to.

Finally, she turned around and mechanically walked back to her desk. She had to fix this, prove to Joan that she was in this for the long haul…she was all in.

She’d make it up to Joan on their anniversary…their 2-month milestone was just around the corner. Two months since she’d hacked Joan’s watch to convince her to stay.

Zoey nodded to herself as she headed for her desk. She just needed to make that day perfect to make up for all the drama they’d been having lately. But first, she had to get to that milestone. 

* * *

Joan’s least favorite part of any scandal was the planning process. It was always much more fun and satisfying to sit back and watch the public absorb the carefully crafted narrative than it was to slog through the actual planning of it. 

But she had to admit, finally leaking that humiliating picture of Charlie (the day after his wedding no less) was a satisfaction she desperately needed today. Especially after she’d forced Zoey into this ugly battlefield of her life without a thought about the impact it would have on the vulnerable younger woman. 

Joan sighed, glancing away from Twitter as the photo of Charlie went live and his fanboys instantly pounced on it. Mo was right; she was going to hurt Zoey one way or another. Zoey didn’t need this kind of exposure. Especially not right now. Her career was just taking off and with Zoey’s talent for both coding and management, she could surpass Joan easily within ten years or so. And with her father’s impending death looming over her life…

Joan bit her lip as she remembered the day after her mother had died. It was because of her experiences soon after that day that she and Charlie had finally agreed to hire a publicist. Anita had been a lucky find.

“Okay,” Anita leaned back, switching effortlessly between phone and tablet as she spun together their strategy. “That’s the distraction going up…still no ID on Zoey’s little face so apparently even your own staff think she’s not worth remembering…”

The casual dig at Zoey had Joan glaring at her. But she didn’t say anything. Anita was deep in her zone and she knew better than to interrupt her.

Unlike her, Anita thrilled in the planning. Joan had once watched her cackle with glee as she leaked a story about a rival tech CEO’s elicit affairs to bury her and Charlie’s Penis-gate story. She’d watched in awe and horror as Anita binged on Red Bull to weather them through the _Better World_ hack scandal of 2010. And just earlier this year, Anita had practically squealed with glee at the thought of handling the publicity around the divorce. 

But something was off with her. Anita was hunched over her screen, mumbling to herself in a mix of Spanish and English (which was normal enough) but there was no glee in her toil. She seemed more resigned to her labor, just trying to get it done and move on. 

“Damn Millennials…” Anita growled, typing something out that made Twitter explode with the hashtag # _redheadsrepresent_.

Joan considered her kind-of employee, kind-of friend. Charlie had had no fewer than eight Penis-gate level scandals of his own within their 20 years of marriage and Anita had silenced all of them without a word against him. 

“You okay?” The question surprised even her. She’d never been the one asking questions before. That was Anita’s job.

Anita glanced up, eyebrow raised. “Why?”

“You seem...more virulent than usual. You’re stabbing at that keypad.” Joan pointed out, wondering just where her concern was coming from. She smiled slightly at the thought that perhaps being around Zoey with her telepathic empathy and boundless concern was melting her frozen old heart a little.

“I was at your subordinate’s apartment at 3am...” Anita snapped in response and Joan’s smile quickly faded, “now I’m organizing a battle plan to keep you in the closet. So yeah,” She shrugged. “I’m a little on edge; sue me.” She dove back into her work and a new hashtag bloomed into popularity on Joan’s feed: # _cancelginger._

Joan raised an eyebrow at that. That seemed a little extreme. “That’s not it.” She accused. “You’re actively inciting violence and mob-mentality on Twitter. You’re a publicist, not a politician.”

“What do you care?” Anita scoffed. “I’m cleaning up your _novia’s_ mess, like you pay me for.”

Joan tensed at her dismissal. “Anita, I’ve known you ten years...”

“And for most of those I’ve stalked you and done your dirty work; not exactly a friendship. At least not an equal one.” Anita waved a hand, not looking at her. “Now, can we get back to this? I need you to send out that Twitter post we developed now.”

Joan stared, noticing for the first time that Anita wasn’t wearing her wedding ring. Curiosity burned at her: were she and Jose alright? Why hadn’t Anita said anything?

_Because you aren’t her friend._

Joan sighed, publishing the 4-part post Anita had meticulously crafted to explain why Charlie was at a _Phish_ concert. Anita dove back into her zone, so deep that Joan dared not interrupt her again. Her stomach burned at the harsh rejection.

Zoey made this whole empathy thing look so easy…

* * *

Zoey managed to make it through the rest of the morning without any hiccups. Leif was still uncharacteristically quiet and efficient, completing every part of the pitch Zoey had asked of him without complaint. But she couldn’t help watching him carefully. Something was up with him…a quiet Leif was a dangerous Leif.

Anita finally left around noon and Zoey was at least gratified to see Susan at her elbow. They weren’t speaking but they kept shooting covert glances at each other when the other wasn’t looking, faces flushed slightly.

Zoey smirked, pulling out her phone. She really hoped that was the end of the Susan saga. And that it distracted Anita from digging into her personal life.

> **Zoey, are you adopting a little baby gay already?**

Mo replied to her explanatory text. He tacked on a little rainbow flag. 

> **Damn, you are taking your gay spirit journey at warp speed!**
> 
> **My what?**
> 
> **You are so lucky that I adopted you. No one else would put up with this level of clueless.**

But before she could respond, she noticed that Leif had snuck off. He was standing in Joan’s office, chatting her up and showing off their work on the pitch. Zoey tensed as Joan laughed at something Leif said, looking far more relaxed than she had that morning.

Before she even realized it, she was on her feet, her chest on fire. She wanted to storm in there and drag Leif out by his stupid cardigan. But Joan’s rejection of her declaration that morning had her fidgeting in her chair, fighting her wave of anger back. 

Joan loved her. She had to keep remembering that. Joan wanted them to go public. Just not right now.

But after two months of secrecy, the prospect of at least another two months was starting to feel like purgatory she didn’t deserve. 

* * *

The food court Max suggested was packed, more so than Zoey had thought. Away from the stifling atmosphere of work, she finally let loose all her frustrations with Leif as they ordered food and sat. She chatted on and on, complaining about his work ethic recently and his attempts to cozy up to Joan. She knew Max at least would be sympathetic to her Leif-troubles.

Max, for once, wasn’t super chatty. He kept glancing around and rubbing his palms on his jeans, responding only to agree non-verbally to what she said. 

“Hey,” She finally asked, noticing he hadn’t eaten anything. “Are you okay? Sorry if I’m talking a lot…there’s just been a lot going on…”

“Oh no, I…I’m fine…I’m…” He smiled, looking pained. “I’m actually really happy!”

“Really?” She peered at him, starting to get concerned. “You look…really ill.”

“Everything’s okay,” he assured her, tensing up, “it’s just…”

_Everything means nothing if I can’t have you!_

When Max started singing, Zoey knew things were bad. But a minute later, as she slowly realized that the dance number she was seeing was _actually_ happening and not in her head, she realized she’d miscalculated.

She was _fucked_.

* * *

The trip back to _SPRQ Point_ was a blur: a panicked, sprinted blur to put as much space between herself and Max as possible.

She actually ran up the stairs, knowing he’d be more likely to wait by the elevators for her. The whole time, her mind was racing.

_What do I do? What the actual fuck do I do?_

She’d been painfully aware of Max’s feelings. But he’d kept silent before now, keeping them to himself. She’d foolishly assumed he’d keep them to himself forever, so long as she kept him firmly in the Friendzone and didn’t lead him on. 

But now here he was, shoving them in her face in a freakin’ flash mob the day after her father had…

She shook her head, angry tears in her eyes. 

How dare he? How dare he drop this on her today?

It wasn’t just the feelings, the flash mob itself had affected her more than she realized. Her powers were disorienting enough at times but realizing that the song and dance she was seeing was actually happening had thrown her for such a loop that she was still coming down off it.

“Zoey?” 

She looked up, almost smashing into Simon.

“Whoa!” He flinched, ready to catch her, but thankfully it wasn’t necessary. “You okay?” He peered at her, concern evident on his face. “You look shaken.”

“I…I just…” She glanced behind her as the elevator opened. Max did not emerge. 

“Zoey…I actually need to talk to you…” Simon continued, voice dropping. 

“If this is about the other night, it’s really okay…” she insisted, itching to dash away from him. Then she remembered Joan’s reaction to his appearance and tried to backpedal. “I…but I mean…”

Simon raised an eyebrow as she stumbled over her words. “Uh no…no but I never did say thank you… so thanks…” He eyed her oddly again. “No, uh, I wanted to let you know that…” he gestured vaguely towards his office, “there’s this photo of you and Joan that’s been circulating around the internet…”

She panicked. _Fuck, crisis number one._

She darted around Simon, glad that he chose not to pursue her. Her heart was racing and her mind was trying to solve two problems at once - a feat she’d never mastered, not even at the height of her SAT prep.

“Yo, Z-boss,” Tobin called as she entered the engineering pod, leaning back from his desk, “you hangin’ out with Joan at swanky events? Where’s my invite?”

Zoey ignored him, infinitely glad that Leif wasn’t at his desk. She didn’t need to deal with him right now on top of everything else.

“Is Joan picking up more rich dudes and needs a wingman? Sorry; wingwoman?” Tobin grinned at her, throwing his arms wide. “Come on, Zoey my gossip well runneth dry and I need rain for my crops!”

She ran to her desk, pulling open a new window on her computer. Zoey ran a familiar line of code and dashed to the bathroom, still ignoring Tobin’s demands for gossip. She thought she saw Max emerge from the elevator, looking around for her and dove for the privacy. 

She’d only just completed her now-actually-paranoid check when Joan entered the bathroom, face pinched in concern. “Zoey…? What is this about?” she caught sight of the tears on Zoey’s face and instantly softened, “what’s wrong?”

Zoey couldn’t take it. She grabbed Joan’s waist and pulled her towards her. Their teeth clacked together into the aggressive kiss.

Joan made a noise of protest but grabbed Zoey back, holding her tight. 

Tugging incessantly, Zoey led Joan away. She pulled her into the furthest stall from the bathroom entrance and slammed her boss against the door. She shoved the lock home with trembling fingers.

Joan looked startled. And more than a little turned on. “Zoey…”

Zoey pressed herself against her. “Shhh…” A rush of dominance sparked through her at the role reversal from their dalliance last night. She felt Joan shiver at the command. 

She was already unbuttoning Joan’s blouse, desperate for skin under her lips. Joan didn’t resist or assist her. She seemed dumbfounded by whatever was happening.

“Zoey…we…we shouldn’t…”

“Didn’t stop you last night…” Zoey replied, fastidious in her work.

“But…Anita…”

Zoey rolled her eyes. “Oh shut up about _Anita_.” She was sick of it all. Sick of everyone trying to tell her what she needed to be and needed to do: her mom, Max, Anita. She was tired of feeling like everything she cared about: her friendship with Max, her privacy, her _dad_ was all slipping away from her. All she needed was this; the assurance that this was hers, forever, no matter what.

“Don’t…” Joan gasped as Zoey brushed past her bra. “don’t you want to talk about…?”

“Shhh!” Zoey insisted. “Don’t want anyone hearing…”

Joan went quiet, watching Zoey intently.

Zoey finally undid enough buttons that she could place her mouth on an exposed clavicle. Her hands tugged at the shirt bottom, freeing it from Joan’s waistband so she could slide her hands underneath and finger each stomach muscle. Joan whimpered at the gentle touch.

Zoey fumbled for Joan’s button and finally gave up. Instead she just shoved her whole hand down the front of the older woman’s pants, ignoring the discomfort and searching for the hem of her panties.

Joan bit off a gasp, finally reaching down to help. Zoey pressed closer as Joan’s slacks peeled open, her lips nibbling aggressively at the junction of a neck and shoulder. It was going to leave a mark. But she didn’t care. Joan was hers. And she wanted people to know, dammit.

Last night had merely primed her; reawakened that raw desire for Joan that had defined the beginning of their relationship. Rationality was well and truly dead now. 

Joan’s hips were rocking and she was biting back little moans of want. Zoey reveled in the darkness of Joan’s pupils, the desperation she could awaken in her woman. Joan was hers.

She finally slid past Joan’s panties and inserted two fingers inside the slick opening. Her mouth stretched to capture the older woman’s lips before the moan could escape. Zoey thrust with abandon, not caring about the loud slapping of Joan’s back against the stall door. For just this moment, she’d managed to put thoughts of Max, Songs, gossip, and death out of her mind. She scissored her fingers aggressively, relishing in how turned on Joan was, how quickly and easily she could instill arousal in this incredible woman. A wave of peaceful zen finally washed away her anxious jitters. 

This. This was all she ever needed. 

Joan came not long after, clenching around Zoey’s fingers and all but screaming into her mouth. They were both panting as the heat slowly faded and they came back to reality. To the tiny bathroom stall. At work.

Where they definitely shouldn’t have done that.

Blood rushed to her face as Zoey’s rational brain regained frantic control of her thoughts. She glanced up, a horrified grin on her face. 

Joan’s eyes were still closed and she was clearly still lost in the ecstasy of Zoey’s good work. Zoey watched sweat drip down her lover’s neck, a placid calm coming over her, even as her brain recoiled in abject shame for her actions.

_She’s beautiful._

Of course, that was the moment the bathroom door opened. 

“Zoey…?”

Tensing, Zoey slipped a hand over Joan’s mouth, her other fingers still buried in Joan up to her knuckles. Her heart raced and blood rushed everywhere, making her feel like she was burning alive. 

“Zoey…?” To her horror, Max sounded like he was stepping inside the bathroom. “Zoey? “He called again, “you in here? Let’s talk!”

Feeling Joan tense with a repressed snarky comment, Zoey shook her head. 

“Jeez Max, give me a minute! I’ll be right out!” She called, voice shaking. 

“Oh, right…sorry!” Footsteps retreated and the bathroom door shut.

Sighing heavily, Zoey gently pulled herself out of Joan. That earned her a satisfied groan. 

“W…what are you doing?” Joan whispered. Her gaze was unfocused and her smile more than a little loopy.

Zoey kissed her, drinking in the unraveled woman in front of her. She thought about Joan in her bed, Joan completely trashed and soft and warm. She needed that image for whatever was about to happen with Max. She needed to reject him without losing him but that felt herculean. And if she failed, she needed the assurance that this would be waiting for her. Something in her life would remain, even if everything else was falling apart.

“I’ll explain later…” She murmured. “Just need to…deal with something first.” She stroked Joan’s face. “And we really need to stop fucking like this…”

“You started it this time…” Joan countered, still leaning heavily against the stall door, shirt and pants open. “And while I’m hardly complaining, I agree. Let’s make a pact for no more public sex? At least until things are less crazy?”

Zoey nodded, swallowing hard. “Deal.” She kissed her one more time. “Now, give me a couple minutes head start.” She smirked. “And fix your shirt; you look like you’ve been fooling around…”

Leaving Joan to compose herself, Zoey slipped out of the stall, washed her hands and her face and stared at her pale reflection.

Time to face her best friend.

* * *

Thanks to [asecretlovesong](https://asecretlovesong.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr/TrinineWriter on AO3 for the awesome photo edit of the Snapchat! 


	12. You take a piece of me with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: there is gratuitous bashing of the dude known as Max within this chapter. Also, some problematic behavior.

Max was waiting for her in the games area: their designated talking spot. The floor was still pretty empty as most people hadn’t come back from lunch yet. Zoey found she needed to pause before approaching him. She’d never had that feeling with him before. He was Max. Being with Max (well, before she’d gotten her powers) had always been easy and casual. Like another brother who shared more of her interests than David did and who didn’t know every embarrassing thing she’d done as a kid. But now he’d dropped this big truth bomb into their friendship. And she had to diffuse it before it went off and hurt both of them. 

She thought back to Joan’s post-orgasm face. She couldn’t lose him, just like she couldn’t lose Joan. She owed him at least a conversation.

“Are you seriously hiding from me?”

She flinched, realizing that while she’d been lost in thought, he’d noticed her hesitating. Her stomach clenched. So much for entering this conversation prepared. 

“Hiding…? Pfft, no…” She sauntered up to him, trying to act super casual and _not_ like she’d just fucked their boss in the bathroom out of anxiety over this conversation. She tucked her fingers into her other palm. “Max…listen…”

“You ran off before answering.” He prodded, “So?” He gave her a huge, expectant smile. 

She hated that she needed to break his heart. But she just didn’t feel the same. Zoey closed her eyes. “I’m…kind of seeing someone.” 

Max blinked, shocked. “You…you are…” He looked enormously disappointed. But it seemed he was putting something together in his head. “Oh…ohh!!” His face dropped into a humiliated frown. “That’s why you were never available to hang out…”

She nodded. “Yeah…sorry I didn’t tell you sooner but…” she sighed. “It’s complicated.”

Max stiffened, his eyes shooting to hers. “Wait…it’s not Simon is it?”

Zoey bit back a yell of frustration. “No!” Jesus, was everyone just assuming she was dating the all the men in her life? What vibe was she putting out that _that_ was where everyone’s thoughts went?

Max laughed at her reaction, seeming relieved. “Okay then…who is it?”

She fidgeted, lips pressing together as she tried to figure some way to tell him without _telling_ him. 

But Max read something else into her silence. “Zoey…wow.” He shook his head, face screwed up, “You’re really lying…just to get out of answering me?” He huffed, tucking his hands into his jacket and pacing back and forth, “I just put myself out there…in a big way! The least you could do is not push my feelings aside and act like they don’t matter.”

“That’s not what I’m doing!” She insisted, trying desperately to keep this from escalating into an argument. “I just…I don’t want to tell you who it is…”

“Why not?” He demanded. “Is it not going well? Because I could have told you that.” He smiled at her, clearly trying to seem empathetic. “No one knows you like I know you Zoey; we belong together!”

Zoey closed her eyes, exhaustion from this impossible day pounding through her skull. She had to have this conversation. For Joan. If she had to lose him over it…

She bit her lip. “No Max, we dont.”

He wilted, his disappointment almost enough to make her reflexively apologize. “So you’re not even going to try?” He begged. “You’re willing to try with this stranger but not with me, your best friend?”

“It’s different…”

“How?” He demanded, still looking like a kicked puppy. “Have they known you as long as I have?”

“Well, longer actually…” If she counted her _SPRQ Point_ interview, where Joan had talked to her for about 3 minutes before hiring her on the spot. But it seemed that had been the wrong answer.

Max’s face clenched in anger. “So what do they have that I don’t have?”

“Look Max, I wasn’t looking for this!” Zoey insisted, desperately trying to make this feel okay again. “Everything just kind of…fell into place and…we started dating.” She couldn’t help smiling. “It felt right.”

“But _we_ feel right to me, Zoey.” Max insisted. “And I just want you to see that too. So I told you how I felt. And you ran away! Do you…” He swallowed, eyes hardening. “Do you even care about me at all?”

“Max…” Zoey sighed, placing her hand on his arm. “I…I care about you a lot. You mean so much to me. I don’t want to lose you in my life…” She looked away, “But…” 

Max dove in suddenly, his lips pressing to hers. It was so startling and insistent that Zoey couldn’t pull away as fast as she wanted to. Her arms flailed, unable to decide if she wanted to hit him, shove him away, or just gently push him back.

She finally pulled away from him, a bad taste in her mouth that had her stomach turning. “Max!” She turned on him, now angry and horrified. “…you didn’t let me finish!”

“Isn’t that enough?” Max demanded, looking far too pleased with himself for having just kissed her against her wishes. “Zoey, we belong together.”

“No!” She shouted, real anger taking hold of her now that even _he_ was dictating how she should be feeling. “We dont; I dont love you like that, I love Jo…” She cut herself off but it was too late. She’d finally said it. She’d said it and meant it and it wasn’t to Joan. And Max’s eyebrows had already come together in surprise.

“Jo…Joan?” He chuckled in nervous disbelief. “You…you’re dating…Joan?” He eyed Zoey like this was a joke and he wanted the punchline already.

Afraid of what else might tumble from her mouth, she could only manage a stiff nod. 

Max frowned. “Wait…really?”

Another nod.

Max choked back a laugh but his face was rapidly descending into panic. “Why?”

“Wh…” Zoey unstuck her throat. “What do you mean…why?” A sense of impending doom was closing in on her. The truth was out; she couldn’t take it back. 

“Zoey…come on.” Max shrugged, clearly trying to sound nonchalant but looking far too nervous. “She’s like, 20 years _older_ than you…and your boss.” He shook his head.“There’s no future there. That’s not a life. And it looks really bad from a career standpoint.” His brow furrowed in thought. “Wait, how long has this been going on? Did she promote you because of…?”

Horrified, Zoey shook her head. “No! Wow. You really think Joan promoted me because of our relationship?” She couldn’t justify this ugly side of Max with the guy who had laughed and cried alongside her during the season 2 finale of _Galaxy Falling_. It was jarring and sickening to know that he thought her capable of such a thing. “You know, I expected this from strangers or tech gossipers.” She stared at him, folding her arms around herself. “But never from you.”

“Because I actually care about what happens to you?” Max insisted, “About the future you deserve? The future with me? I love you!”

“I _don’t_ love you Max.” She spat. “And this is a really shitty way of trying to convince me that I do.”

Max reeled back as if she’d punched him, face falling into an expression of such utter heartbreak that even through her anger, Zoey still felt terrible for finally saying it.

But before she could try to think of some way to continue this conversation that didn’t leave them both in tears, Max’s face hardened. “Does Joan?” He asked in a low voice. “Does she…love you?”

Zoey stiffened. “That’s none of your business. Or your concern.”

Max smirked. “So, that means no…” Zoey hated the ugly gleam coming into his eye, like he’d just found a loophole in an particularly annoying set of rules.

It made her sick, seeing him so calculating. “Max, what is up with you lately…? this isn’t like you…”

“And _this_ isn’t like you, Zoey!” Max exploded. “I cannot figure out what’s going on in your head anymore and feel like I don’t even know you.” He gestured around them. “You never want to hang out; you’re always off with _Joan_ and when you’re not, you’re off in Zoey-land staring blankly at everything or running around solving someone else’s crisis that apparently only you can solve…”

“I have a superpower, okay?” Zoey blurted out, panicking in a last-ditch attempt to salvage some kind of level of trust between them. 

If he’d been incredulous about the dating-Joan-bombshell, she’d rendered him downright brain-dead with this particular bit of news. 

“I’m sorry…what?”

* * *

It took her a solid five minutes to even begin to compose herself. 

Joan spent most of those panting against the stall door, mind reeling from the incredible feeling of doing something so taboo.

Last night had been compulsive, an urge she’d never tamed. _This_ was more surprising, more dangerous in a way. They were at work, the boys were right outside. It had been thrilling and insane and spontaneous. Zoey just pouncing on her like that was almost too much for her. 

Joan stood up, doing up her shirt and buttoning her pants again. After the tense scene with Anita that morning, she’d expected to need to make things up to Zoey on her own, begging the younger woman for just a little more time before they went public. 

She slid out of the stall, the high fading as reality set back in. 

Two months ago, she’d known things would be difficult when they started down this path. But Zoey had made it all seem worth it and her flexibility and endless optimism had buoyed them both around the early rough patches. Even while stuck only existing as _them_ in Zoey’s apartment and this bathroom, Joan had felt so content. She frowned at her disheveled and flushed reflection. Why was being around Zoey suddenly so complicated?

Between this and last night at the gala, Zoey was well on her way to being Joan’s undoing. She already could think of very little she _wouldn’t_ do for her…but if Zoey kept on doing things like _that_ to her in public…

Joan shuddered, leaning against the bathroom sink. “Oh God…I’m so fucking whipped already.”

But at the same time, Zoey was telling her what she should do, maintaining suspiciously intimate friendships with three other people, and now just randomly fucking her without an explanation. Joan could definitely use one.

She cleaned herself up: making sure not a single hair was out of place and her kiss-swollen lips were starting to deflate. It was only once she was the picture of hot, confident boss-lady that she lifted her head and left the bathroom. 

Joan walked back towards her office, mind still turning over her reservations. 

It didn’t matter how suspicious things looked, right? She trusted Zoey. Her heart ached. She loved Zoey. Zoey wouldn’t…

But as she rounded the corner, she saw Max pressing his lips against the lips that had just brought her to a vulnerable high.

Her heart stopped, even as her feet kept moving. She had anticipated anger, frustration, a true fire and fury moment where she tore Max a new one for daring to touch Zoey. 

But instead, all she felt was a crushing despair. She stumbled into her office. 

_No…not again._

Joan collapsed at her desk, face in her hands. 

Zoey was supposed to be different.

She had no idea how long she sat there, pouring over everything that had ever happened between them: every little comment, smile, gesture. Trying to find the warning signs she must have missed. 

Zoey wasn’t supposed to be…

“Hey babe.”

Her head shot up. _Oh fucking hell_. As if this day could get any worse. She glared. 

“Charlie…”

* * *

Well, she was apparently dropping all of the truth-bombs today. And Max was having none of it. 

Zoey tried everything she could think of: X-Men analogies, providing examples from past Songs, and flat out telling him how the earthquake and magical MRI machine had given her her powers. But Max still wasn’t convinced. 

“What is Sam singing?” He demanded, pointed across the floor at their working colleague. Max folded his arms. “Better yet, what is your _girlfriend_ singing?” 

Zoey bit back a sharp retort at his tone. “it doesn’t work like that! I can’t just turn it on and…” She froze as music filtered into her head. “Oh no…” A glance at him showed only a confused and angry face.

The Song was coming from the elevators.

_I’m gonna get you back_

_It won’t take long_

_It’ll happen fast_

_You might as well just face the fact_

_I’m gonna get you back_

She’d heard the voice only once before. But she instantly knew who it was. Zoey whirled around and tried to run but Max seized her by the arm.

“Max, let go of me.” Zoey pleaded, growing more frantic. 

He tightened his grip. “No, not until you admit that _this_ is all just an insane lie to…”

“MAX.” She seethed and he finally looked properly chastened. “It’s happening. Right. Now.”

He frowned. “You’re hearing something? Now?” He glanced around, eyebrow raised. “From who?”

“ _Charlie_ is here.” Zoey told him. “I need to warn…”

“Need to go warn Joan…” Max interrupted, disappointment oozing from every inch of his face. “Sure…of course…” But he let her go. 

Zoey dashed off, nearly vaulting over the ping-pong table. She would have to deal with Max and proving her powers to him later. First things first, warning Joan that her ex-husband was coming. The Song was getting louder, maybe he was in the elevator?

“Zoey, Zoey, Zoey…” Leif sauntered up to her, sickening grin in place as she ran past the engineering pod. He held up his phone. “I knew you were cozy with Joan but I didn’t realize you were willing to go so far as to…whoa…!” 

He stumbled as she barreled past him, all but shoving him out of the way. She hoped he fell on his ass. After everything today, couldn’t something NOT happen for once?

* * *

“Get out.”

“Just let me talk…”

“No.”

“Joan…come on…”

She remained seated, more as a power move than out of any semblance of comfort. Charlie was here; standing in front of her. Why was Charlie here? 

Her head was still out on the floor, on the lip-lock of Zoey and _fucking_ Max. She wanted to stalk across the floor, strike terror into that childish programmer’s heart, and deck him across the face. The level of violence his actions inspired in her was the kind of feeling she’d never had towards Charlie’s side-pieces before, even when he was on his worst behavior. Was this what it meant to truly have your heart broken?

“Joan…” She turned back. Charlie was still there, an expectant smile on his face. It just made everything hurt more.

“What do you want?” She snapped. “A congratulations on your wedding a teenager? I’m afraid my card must have been sent to the wrong high school.” She reached for her tablet to ignore him but then remembered it was back in the conference room. Where she’d abandoned it when Zoey sent her the Watch alert. 

Charlie sighed, taking a seat in one of her chairs and stretching out. “Joan, hasn’t this gone on long enough?”

She glared, trying to intimidate him into standing back up. “What?”

He gave her a simpering look. “This petty little fight of ours.”

Her phone buzzed into her stunned silence and she snatched it up to have anything else to do. 

> **FYI - Call’s gone out to ID Z. I’m beginning our cover story leak. Lay low and wait for instructions.**

Another message followed almost immediately.

> **And make sure she keeps her mouth shut!**

“Your little charity case?”

She locked her phone screen, holding the device against her like she could protect the secret. “What?”

Charlie gestured meaninglessly. “That little redhead who was clinging to you at Buffett’s gala last night?” He smirked at her, “what? You couldn’t swing a real date? Tell Anita I said hi, by the way.”

Her suspicion immediately spiked. No way he was here for nothing. He’d definitely seen the photo of her and Zoey and knew Anita was trying to cover something up. But just what he was hoping to accomplish by showing up here was anyone’s guess. “I’ll ask you one last time,” She snapped, standing up. “What. Do. You. Want.”

He spread his arms, placating her. “To stop this stupid fight and have you be my wife again.”

She almost laughed. Incredible. He still thought this: the last two months, all the divorce proceedings, him _marrying another woman_ , was just another speed bump. Like he could just walk back into her life and sweep her back into his fold after all this. 

Charlie launched into speech at her silence, filling the air with admissions that his new wife was a mistake, the annulment was already underway, listing all the reasons he wanted her back, and how it was high time they stopped the media circus and went back to normal. 

And the saddest part was, she now recognized all the tricks. The practically scripted lines she’d fallen for every time she’d left him for his cheating, the empty promises that had had her heart believing that he really meant it this time, the eyes that used to pull her right back into his orbit. 

But something had shifted in her this time. His tricks no longer worked. And she knew why. 

“We’re over Charlie.” Joan finally said, cutting him off mid-compliment, “We’ve been over for years. I’ve moved on, so have you.”

The subversion of their usual script had him blinking in surprise, finally shutting up. Joan relished this feeling of control; a new feeling to have around him. She had risen above him now, he could no longer manipulate her. And it was all because of Zoey.

 _Zoey…_ her heart faltered as she remembered where she’d left Zoey. She trusted Zoey. There was an explanation. There had to be. She was going to find it.

“Baby, come on…” Charlie began again, clearly trying to change tactics. “I messed up…don’t…”

Quite suddenly, Zoey burst into the office from the side entrance, panting. “J…Joan…Joan! Charlie is…!” But she finally caught sight of Charlie and froze like a deer in headlights. 

Joan glanced between them, brow furrowed in confusion as she tried to sus this all out.

 _How did she know he was here?_ And if she knew, why was she only showing up now…?

Charlie was peering at Zoey, a faint spark of interest on his face. “You…” his eyebrow raised and Joan’s stomach turned to ice. _No. No…_ Herself she could handle. But if he went after Zoey…

Charlie turned back to her and she knew from the look on his face that he knew. At least being married to him for so long had taught her something. Charlie shook his head, contempt dripping from his expression. “And _you’ve_ moved on to the secretary who injected herself into our marriage?”

“Charlie!”

He chuckled, the sound very close to menacing. “You know what, I thought you might have already been banging her when I first saw her. I thought: she’s exactly your type, isn’t she? Annoying, cute, mouthy.” His eyes slid back to Zoey. “a subordinate.”

Joan didn’t like the way he was looking at her Zoey. Like he could take her away from her if he wanted or just as easily destroy her career. “Charlie you need to leave.” Joan insisted, straightening up, anger flaring. 

“She was with you at the gala.” Charlie continued, eyeing Zoey again as Zoey continued to adopt the mannerisms of startled wildlife as she glanced between them. “I knew I recognized that redhead on your arm from somewhere. So is it her you’re banging?” He turned back to her, eyebrow raised and Joan felt the bottom drop out of her stomach. _No…no…._ “Or is it Anita again?” The bastard actually had the audacity to smirk as he let that chunk of information loose. 

Zoey bristled. “Again…?” She turned on Joan, face cracking into a mixture of anger and pain.

Joan could feel her heart constricting. No, no he wouldn’t… “Charlie…” She could feel herself starting to plead, slipping right back under his thumb. _Please Charlie…don’t do this…you wouldn’t do this…_

Except he absolutely would. The begging for her to come back had been a test. And she’d failed. Now he was bringing out his heavy ammunition; trying to force her hand. 

“Ah, so she hasn’t told you…” Charlie turned back to Zoey, smile widening. “Maybe you’d like to tell your little subordinate here what we were just talking about…huh Joan?”

She flinched. It was a heavy threat, one only he knew how to administer: _come with me or I detonate your new relationship._ He knew too much. She’d been too trusting over 20 years of marriage, too willing to confess to him to strengthen their relationship. And he’d stored all her secrets like racy photos; waiting for just the right time to let each loose and humiliate her. 

And with Zoey inches from her elbow, staring at her for an explanation, the whole thing got that much more impossible. If she acquiesced, threw her feelings aside and went with him to protect herself, she’d break Zoey’s heart. If she refused and let him win, she’d never be able to look Zoey in the eye again. And more importantly, Zoey would never look at her the same way again.

Joan swallowed hard and held her head high. She’d been through worse. And she really didn’t have a choice. “Charlie, we were married once…and I don’t want to be again.”

Both of them stiffened at that. Joan couldn’t look at Zoey. “I’m not coming back this time, Charlie.” She continued, her voice strengthening. “There’s nothing you can say or do to make me.”

He smirked. “Oh really?” His eyes slid back to Zoey. “Well then I think she should know that…”

“I kissed Anita.” Joan interrupted him, closing her eyes as her secret spilled out for Zoey to judge. “Once, several years ago. I kissed other men while Charlie and I were married, usually co-workers. I flirted with other women at Google, most of them younger than me. And I have a tendency to embarrass myself when drunk - mainly through dancing, flirting, and removal of clothing. That’s why we had to hire Anita in the first place.” She opened her eyes and gave Charlie a tired scowl. “Does that about cover it?”

A heavy silence filled her office. She didn’t dare glance over to Zoey. 

Charlie’s face was finally absent its fake smile and back to his neutral stare. “You’re going to regret this Joan.” He finally said, standing up.

“No. I don’t think I will.” She straightened up, arms folded tightly. “Now; leave before all of the fanboys on my staff get to film you being dragged out by security.”

Charlie’s eyes slid to Zoey one last time and Joan noted his satisfied leer with a twist of discomfort. 

As her ex-husband finally left, Zoey stormed around to the front of her desk.

Joan was buzzing with valor but she felt no burst of energy or delight from finally fully cutting him out of her life. She was going to face consequences for that but exactly what, she couldn’t say. And as satisfying as it had been, she hated that it had happened how it did.

“Was it him?” Zoey demanded.

The question was so unexpected that she finally glanced at Zoey in surprise. “What?”

Zoey was fuming with righteous anger, her fists clenched at her sides. “The scars.” She indicated Joan’s legs with her head. “Did he do that to you?” She asked, voice shaking, tears brimming in her eyes.

Joan shook her head. “God, Zoey no!” “She scoffed, repulsed. For all his faults, Charlie had never raised a finger against her. “He’s an asshole but he’s not abusive!”

Zoey let out a shuddering breath, deflating slightly. “I disagree…” She muttered, glaring towards the elevators as Charlie descended. “So…” She turned back to Joan, hands twisting. “All of that….everything you just said…was true?”

She closed her eyes again, hating the soft vulnerability in Zoey’s voice. “Yes…”

“Have you kissed Leif?”

The second unexpected question had her opening her eyes and gazing quizzically at the coder. “Why…would I kiss Leif…?”

Zoey gave a short huff of relief at that. “I…I just…”

“Zoey,” Joan began, insides starting to itch. “I haven’t been going around kissing other men…not like some of us…”

Zoey flinched, her eyes widened. “You saw…? Oh god…” She gripped her head and stifled a yell. “This day just wont _fucking_ stop!” 

Joan watched her, biting back angry words she knew would hurt.

“Joan…” Zoey finally began, eyes still blazing with frustration. “Max was…I told him something he didn’t want to hear…”

“And he kissed you over it?” She scoffed, folding her arms again. “Sounds like you told him _exactly_ what he wanted to hear. Like you always do.”

Zoey recoiled. “Joan! He kissed me! He stole a kiss and I was startled and I…” she paused, biting her lip. 

“And what?” Joan demanded, nightmarish answers bouncing around in her head. _I liked it, I’m leaving you, I chose him._

“I didn’t kiss him back.” Zoey finally said, looking dissatisfied with her answer. “I told him I didn’t like him like that and he wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

Joan scoffed. That checked out at least. Men like Max always thought they could just take what they wanted and…

“But while we’re on the subject of kissing…!” Zoey cut in, interrupting Joan’s thoughts of how best to violently emasculate Max. “You…you said there was nothing to worry about about Anita!” Her voice shook on the accusation.

“There isn’t…” Joan sighed, hating that these humiliating old mistakes were being dredged up. She took a moment, trying desperately not to throw more ammunition into this rapidly escalating fight. “Look, Zoey, this is hard for me to admit, especially to you but I’m…” She looked away. “Not exactly a _good_ person.” 

It hurt when Zoey didn’t immediately disagree with her statement. 

“Sometimes I got carried away…” Joan continued, “caught up in the intensity of working so closely with someone and…I would kiss people.”

“So you cheated on Charlie?” Zoey accused, face turning red. “With Anita?”

“It was a kiss!” Joan insisted, “I was lonely and angry and Anita was there! It didn’t mean anything. And it was 5 years ago!”

Zoey’s eyes flashed, her eyebrows shooting up as something apparently clicked for her. “…but she wanted more…” She muttered in that unsettling, all-knowing voice she had. “She liked it.”

Joan froze. “How…how do you know that?” Anita would never admit such a thing, especially not to Zoey.

Zoey looked at her, gaze elsewhere and Joan _felt_ Zoey looking right into her, tearing past the barricades and traps and really seeing all of her. 

She shuddered. What the hell was going on with Zoey?

And if Zoey knew _that_ , what didn’t she know?

* * *

Zoey stared at a tense and suspicious Joan, her heart hammering against her ribcage like a timpani. 

She hadn’t thought about it getting this far: to the point where she learned dark secrets Joan hadn’t even hinted at before and dragged them into the light. 

Her failed reveal to Max still weighed heavily on her. Max hadn’t believed her. But Max didn’t trust her like Joan did. 

And if she didn’t tell her now, she feared Joan would never trust her again.

Zoey steeled herself. “Joan…I…I need to tell you something.”

Joan raised an eyebrow. “Okay…”

“It…it’s going to sound…insane and…unreal…but…but I promise you, it’s the truth.” Legs shaking, Zoey took a seat in Charlie’s vacated chair. 

“Zoey…what are you…?” Joan sounded worried. But Zoey wasn’t going to let anything else interrupt her this time.

“I…a few months ago…I was having these terrible headaches. So I went to get an MRI to make sure everything was okay. While I was in the machine, an earthquake hit and when everything stopped, I could…I could…”

Joan waited, staring at her expectantly. 

Zoey closed her eyes. “I could hear people’s thoughts. Through songs. I came out of this machine and…people would Sing to me. Not all the time…just occasionally.” She waited. Joan said nothing. 

Zoey peeked her eyes open. Joan was still standing behind her desk, face scrunched in concentration, arms folded defensively. She was so still, she didn’t seem to be breathing.

“I…I’ve heard you Sing…” Zoey admitted in a small voice. “A lot.” Joan finally moved, her eyebrows raising as her jaw clenched. “It all started just before the Watch launch…”

Now that she’d started, she couldn’t stop. She told Joan about her hand in everything: the Charlie drama, the Conference, Claudia, the revelation about Joan’s feelings, her own revelations. She gestured animatedly as she confessed, tearing up several times but refusing to actually cry.

Through it all, Joan’s face remained impassive, blankly processing everything Zoey had told her. 

Zoey finally stopped as she realized Joan hadn’t said anything or even moved since she’d begun. “Joan…I…I’m not making this up…” Zoey tried to smile but her face wouldn’t do it. “I promise.”

Joan blinked. 

“Joan?” Zoey leaned forward, starting to worry. “Say something?”

Without a word, Joan walked around the desk and marched away from her. As Zoey watched, Joan walked straight into the elevator and pressed a button. She didn’t look back as the door closed. 

Zoey was left alone in Joan’s office, exhausted, emotionally spent, and deeply confused. 

She had expected questions, denials, or laughter like Max had done. 

But nothing?

What was she supposed to do with nothing?

Except it wasn’t entirely nothing. 

Like clockwork, the familiar melody of that damned Song was filling her head as Joan descended in the elevator. 

_Thank you for saving me, I can’t believe it_  
 _T_ h _ank you_

_So this is what the truth feels like_   
_This is more of what I had in mind_   
_Yeah this is what the truth feels like_   
_And I’m feeling it, I’m feeling it_   
_Something about this just feels so right, alright_   
_Something about this just feels so right, alright_   
_So this is what the truth feels like_   
_And I’m feeling it, I’m feeling it…_

Only this time, there was no relief in Joan’s voice.

It sounded like Zoey had just broken something beyond repair.


End file.
